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Name: Mandi
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Exclamation I dont want to die... - February 2nd 2012, 05:26 AM

Have u ever felt the need to be perfect?
I dont want to die I really don't I want to go to college, see my niece grow up, do something with my life. But I have been told to many times that I'm not good enough that I'm basically only good for one thing...I've always thought of suicide and I used to cut but I stopped but I recently had a weak moment. My parents push perfection onto me it seems like I can't do anything right! Even the simplest things I get yelled at, I'm never good enough! So why am I even here anymore? My mom keeps calling me a whore or a slut but I've never even had sex!!! She always claims that I'm pregnant or I will be but i'm not like that. I literally just want to go away, I pray sometimes that I go to sleep forever. I've stared at the knives, pills, and stood on a bridge. I dont want to die but I have no clue how to cope..help me.
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Re: I dont want to die... - February 2nd 2012, 05:39 AM

For one thing, mom should NEVER be talking to you like that. That's not right AT ALL. That's verbal abuse. You NEVER treat your children like that. For not only that, but everything else as well, I would go to a councelor if you can. If your school has one, I think it would be very good if you were to go see him/her and tell them what you've been feeling and how your family has been treating you. Its okay to ask for help and if you are at the point where you are thinking that much about possible suicide attempts, I think its time for you to get that help. Don't ever let anyone tell you you aren't good enough. Even without really knowing you, I know you are. You're good enough because you are YOU. You don't try to be someone you're not and that's wonderful that you don't. I'm a VERY strong believer in that. You should never live for anyone but yourself in that way. Its your life, not theirs. I don't know how comfortable you are with talking to people but I believe it would do you a world of good to get all this stuff out. I think once you do, you will be feeling a lot better and will be able to get the help you need faster. If there is no councelor at your school, I would suggest telling a friend's parent or going to a teacher.

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Re: I dont want to die... - February 2nd 2012, 04:48 PM

Despite what people say about you, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! You're so much better than good enough. Your mom, def. should not be talking to you like, like said above that's verbal abuse. I think you really need to speak to somebody about how you've been feeling. Somebody you can vent to when things get hard and also somebody you can tell about the thoughts you've been having and the cutting. A teacher, pastor, school counselor or other adult would be great! Keep fighting! If you want to talk, feel free to PM me.

all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

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