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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Gaaaaaaaah. - February 3rd 2012, 09:01 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a pretty decent life. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I'm not that poor anymore. I have a couple friends. But I'm stressed. and getting depressed, and moody and easily upset all the time and every time I hear the word "suicide" i get a wistful yearning and I can't explain why. Nothing is wrong, My life is so much better then it was and I'm much more stable then I was and I don't know why I'm getting all messed up again. I don't want to go there again. And when i talk to my boyfriend I'm fine and happy but alone or with my couple of friends it still creeps up on me. And just the word suicide sounds nice, and it shouldn't, because it's awful and Id never do that to my boyfriend. And I really am happy when I'm talking to him. So why can't I get it out of my head? It's not just cutting anymore I think about. I used to think of cutting in a wistful mind and crave it, and then I started again, and It felt good, and then I felt nothing. I think of it now and it's like, oh yeah, people do that, I used to, and i have no urge to start again. Just no urge, but suicide, now I'm not thinking of it seriously again, I've attempted 7 or so times, but it just sounds....nice. I just, like the idea of no longer existing. And I'm getting depressed again. And I guess what I'm asking is why? Why can't I get away from this? I've been so happy..but still not quite, if that makes sense.....


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:20 AM

*headdesk* gah. Maybe i need med or something.


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:22 AM

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not the best when it comes to helping people and this is no exception. Sorry, but I don't know...
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:25 AM

mm, s'ok. Your panda amuses me lol.


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:29 AM

Thanks, I try. =)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyes on Fire-Xx View Post
I have a pretty decent life. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I'm not that poor anymore. I have a couple friends. But I'm stressed. and getting depressed, and moody and easily upset all the time and every time I hear the word "suicide" i get a wistful yearning and I can't explain why. Nothing is wrong, My life is so much better then it was and I'm much more stable then I was and I don't know why I'm getting all messed up again. I don't want to go there again. And when i talk to my boyfriend I'm fine and happy but alone or with my couple of friends it still creeps up on me. And just the word suicide sounds nice, and it shouldn't, because it's awful and Id never do that to my boyfriend. And I really am happy when I'm talking to him. So why can't I get it out of my head? It's not just cutting anymore I think about. I used to think of cutting in a wistful mind and crave it, and then I started again, and It felt good, and then I felt nothing. I think of it now and it's like, oh yeah, people do that, I used to, and i have no urge to start again. Just no urge, but suicide, now I'm not thinking of it seriously again, I've attempted 7 or so times, but it just sounds....nice. I just, like the idea of no longer existing. And I'm getting depressed again. And I guess what I'm asking is why? Why can't I get away from this? I've been so happy..but still not quite, if that makes sense.....
I am the same way with the bolded parts.
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:30 AM

Ah. so we are in the same boat. Im sorry


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:32 AM

You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just another 12 year old who is depressed
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:34 AM

I was pretty bad at your age. IK it dosnt sound that reassuring but it does get better. Just, keep a clearer head then I did. Im better now then back then. 12 sucks.


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:35 AM

a clearer head? And I know...
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:39 AM

I got so caught up in everything, I made some pretty bad decisions, and at 17 I still have scars. Just, if it's bad, step back and think hard before you do anything. Again, i don't look like such a good source right now, but just a warning. I tried to commit suicide first time at 12. Don't follow my lead.


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:41 AM

I might...
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 12:54 PM

Ik it sounds bad of me but it really just sounds super nice. The word just sounds nice. And I can't help but think of it all the time, or whenever I see a knife or a gun or anything harmful it is like, oh, that could be useful, then I stop and feel guilty but I still like the idea anyways.......


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 02:08 PM

Ever thought about counseling? That might help...
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 03:33 PM

I have. My parents agreed at first but then freaked out and said no. By all means if you are able, try to go.


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 04:25 PM

I'm scared of telling my parents... Why did your parents freak out? I though counseling was supposed to help...
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 04:40 PM

Well I went to the school councilor and it helped, but my brother just moved back in, and he is schizophrenic. They just didn't want another mentally ill kid to take care of and don't want to acknowledge I need help. There too focused on my brother. And my school councelor dosn't want to deal with me anymore.


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 04:42 PM

And telling them is scary but it is pretty liberating if you can. Mine wer ok with it untill my brother came home...


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 04:43 PM

At least your school has a guidance counselor
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 4th 2012, 04:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyes on Fire-Xx View Post
And telling them is scary but it is pretty liberating if you can. Mine wer ok with it untill my brother came home...
I'd rather not tell them
   
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 5th 2012, 02:00 AM

dont have to. was just an idea. but counciling is good if you can get it.


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 5th 2012, 02:14 AM

I've never really felt the urge to kill myself, but I know one thing that may help.

A comedian, by the name of Kyle Cease, put up a video on Youtube that may help you, let me get it for you....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syZJJ...1dk0YR4-HiLwX5

Try this with your boyfriend and use this when you're feeling upset.

I know it's little, but I hope it helps!
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 5th 2012, 02:23 AM

The part I am talking about is "anchoring". It's at 8:36 if you don't want to listen to the entire thing. Though, the whole thing is good.
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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 5th 2012, 11:46 AM

Hm, that's an interesting theory. Pavlov's dogs of being happy. Thanks for the link ^^


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Re: Gaaaaaaaah. - February 5th 2012, 04:48 PM

bleh, it just feels like everything i was clinging too is falling away around me. my only friend is soon moving very far away, and we can still be online friends but, idk, i want someone to talk to in person.... and all the lil things are just building up into one big thing with no way of stopping it or anything....


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