All Down Hill From Here...

[Ashleyhateslife]

My mom is talking about moving out and I'd have to go along with her, while my step sister stays with my step dad. The only person my step sister has is me. She is the only reason why I haven't tried to kill myself. If we are forced to separate then I'll probably go through.

My mom knows how close my step sister and I are (today is her 8th birthday) but I can't tell my mom about the suicide because my mom is depressed and always feels that she is a bad mom when she is a great mom, but she has attempted suicide before also, so I don't want her to try to kill herself either....

If I am sperated from my sister. There are two things that will happen. My mom commits suicide and then I would become the parental role model for two more kids, and I'd be depressed for a long time. Or I commit suicide since I can't be with my step sister anyways, then my mom gets depressed and may do the same....

I know this is negative. But in reality this is what would happen in this situation if we moved and my stepdad and sister stayed....

I've been suicidal for awhile again but used my step sister as a reason to stay alive, and it takes a lot of energy to try to act positive. I wanted help for myself, and I tried. But the truth is, I'm not the only one who needs it in my house! No one else will get the help.

My best friend and I aren't talking, well I'm not talking to him, because he began to drink a lot again.... So I can't go to him for help...


I'm sooooo alone! I just want everything to end that is negative. Why is it so hard to be happy for me?

I want to just get it done and over with. I'm tired of everyone's shit being on my shoulders along with ALL of mine! I can't do it all! I'm 17 for Christ sake! I should be having fun not feeling like shit! Sometimes I just piss myself off (then I get depressed, then pissed, then depressed) see the pattern? I've came to the conclusion that I completely hate myself.... And due to the lack of effort from my family and few friends they feel the same way.

I don't want a pity party or anything if it seems that way.... I just want another reason (for myself isn't a good reason when I hate myself) to live.... Any ideas?

[minniemouseprincess]

I think part of the reason why you can't be happy for yourself or anything is because you aren't letting yourself feel happiness. Yes, all this terrible stuff has happened to you. But thats all you're looking at. And when thats all you are looking at, you're gonna feel depressed and real negative. You gotta try your hardest to look for the good in stuff. If you just assume that bad things will happen no matter what, you're not gonna get better. You also won't get better if you don't talk to someone about what you are feeling. I think eventually your mom has to know since she;s your parent but if you don't want her knowing right away, what if you told your step dad? You could also potentially tell your school counceler or a teacher if your school doesn't have a counceler. You have to do something. If you leave things the way they are now, they won't be good. I would also let your mom know you can't be apart from your step sister. Couldn't you guys live nearby? If that doesn't go through, maybe you should ask to live with your step sister and step dad? That may hurt your moms feelings though=( I don't know, its a complicated situation but I think you need to talk it out with your mom.

[Ashleyhateslife]

My mom is moving out tonight. My step dad is practically like my dad.. Mow I have to choose which one to go with.and I can't... I just can't do this shit anymore!

[minniemouseprincess]

How far away? If its not far, go with mom. If it is far, stay with your step dad for a little bit and see how things go.

[Ashleyhateslife]

I told my mom either I stay here with both of them or go live where ever I ant and not see either of the. She got pissed that I am making everything about me but said she'd stay and sleep on it. I am depressed as it is, this being added on is making it worse. My mom knows how depressed I am, not that I am suicidal though. I'm not planning on telling her. I'm going to keep talking on here until therapy and tell my therapist.

[minniemouseprincess]

What are you gonna do tomorrow though? After she's slept on it?

[Ashleyhateslife]

Her and my step dad have been fighting all day. If I can't live with both of them then I'm moving to my cousin's, it was his idea and my aunt wants me to. It's hard explaining it to my siblings..... I don't know what will happen with them...

[minniemouseprincess]

They will be okay hun. I know they will. And you'll still get to see them whenever you want probably.

[Ashleyhateslife]

I hope soo

[minniemouseprincess]

I know so, don't worry=)

[minniemouseprincess]

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Uh...What does this have to do with her family problems?

[Ashleyhateslife]

It wasn't a real account... :/

[minniemouseprincess]

I know, I reported it and asked them to cancel their account.