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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Name: Danny
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Question Need advice :/ - February 4th 2012, 08:20 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

For the last 4 years I have been on and off of anti-depressants since the age of 15 ( I'm 19 now). At first I had been just going to the doctors and speaking to the school counsellors which I did not find a great deal of help. My first attempt of suicide was an over dose at the age of 16. After that I dealt with things on my own and was able to cope on my own with no help from anyone till very recently. I do not know why it has been recently that I cant cope with things. I find it extremely hard to ask for help from people as I do not really know what to say, at the end of the day the way I'm feeling now, I would not want to ring up a friend and say I need someone to talk to I feel like committing suicide, it would just make them worry more. My coping strategics has always been to drink and cry if I could where as when I was sober it would just be to sleep all day for as long as possible.

For the first time in my life about 2 months ago I decided to cut my wrists and all my arm up not deeply but enough so there was a lot of blood dripping, and I took and overdose of different types of medication from anti-phycotics to anti-depressants. I have only been prescribed anti-depressants (Citalopram). I was highly intoxicated at this point, but I had planned this for a very long time but never got round to it. I even wrote a letter to my family saying I'm sorry and good bye to them all.
After this I went in to a mental ward for a week and a half to try and deal with my problems there. I still had suicidal thoughts when I left but felt very positive. Since I have come out I have once again tried to cut my wrists and take an overdose leaving a letter again.

I do not know what to do any more with my self. I have numbers for people I can ring, but I struggle to say to anyone that I feel like killing my self, it just seems like I want attention also I am worried that this time I will be sectioned in the mental ward.
One of the hardest things I find to cope with is that the shit I am putting my family through, they now worry when I go out If I miss a phone call they get all panicky. My 12 year old sister now knows that I tried committing suicide.

I would love to be cured like that and deal with my life, I do not see why I always feel down and feel the need to try to commit suicide, my life is not that bad its just I feel I cant cope.

I'm not writing this wanting sympathy because that's the last thing I want. But what I would like is to hear peoples opinions who have maybe been in my situation and have managed to get over the dark cloud. I know that it will be a long process and this wont get sorted out over night, I felt I needed to ask for help in some way, and this is the only way I can ask for help anonymously.
   
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Re: Need advice :/ - February 4th 2012, 08:30 PM

I've never been though this sort of situation exactly. I have felt the urge to kill myself and hurt myself (have even felt it today), but i've never gone through with ether of those things. I know people that have though and its an ugly addiction thats very hard to break once you get going with it. But, you just gotta try. You gotta be really determined and try. Try for your family and friends, but also for yourself. I think your family does worry about you but its because they care so much. They want to help you. So if you DO feel really bad, you should go to them. They are gonna do whatever they can for you. You are their world and they'd be devastated if you were gone. That would be the worst possible thing. Nobody should have to burry their son, daughter, sister, brother, or friend. Especially when they are so young. You're not that much older than me but we both have a lot to live for. We haven't even begun to live yet. 17 and 19 is nothing. We still have so much time. And I promise you, your life won't be the same in a few years. One or 2 years can change your life. You just never know. My suggestion to you is to keep trying to tell people when you get REALLY bad but otherwise, just try your hardest to distract yourself with anything except SH. Gonna also leave some hotline numbers for you. Im here if you ever need to talk as well.


1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255


   
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