Need some advice please

[Angury]

Hey there, I'd be really grateful if someone could give me some advice.
I attempted suicide a few weeks ago and currently self-harm. I also have constant suicidal thoughts which has led to my grades in school slipping, and my teachers have become concerned. I also have difficulty concentrating and have given up pretty much all of my hobbies and have lost all of my friends because of the drop in my activities. I've tried to change my behaviour but all I've been wanting to do these past few months is lie in bed for the entire day and wallow in self-pity. I have been feeling like this since March last year, and although I've had these suicidal thoughts for a while, it's only recently that I've become actively suicidal. I have also made a plan to commit suicide in the future but I'm sure I won't have the courage to do it this time.. it's more of a back-up plan to give me some comfort I guess.

I'm a little unsure about what to do now. I have contacted the Samaritans a number of times; they're a fantastic charity and I have a lot of respect for what they do, but gathering up my thoughts and describing them didn't really help me in anyway. I ended up telling a friend in school about my suicide attempt, which resulted in the pastoral care teachers in my school talking to me for an hour during which I denied everything. They then passed this information on to my parents, and I managed to convince them that it was all just a big misunderstanding. I know I should never have lied to them and I feel awful for doing so, but I just can't let my parents know. I would love to be able to tell my teachers what is going on, but I understand that they would have no choice but to tell my parents despite the fact that I'm 18.
I really don't know what to do now. I know a good option would be to go to my GP, but as silly as this sounds, I don't even know who he/she is or how I would be able to contact them, as I've never visited them before. Also, I don't think I'd be able to explain everything to them, as opening up to other people, especially strangers, is something I find difficult, and I cannot express my emotions easily.

There is also no way I can explain the emotions I'm feeling.. nothing traumatic has happened to me which has caused this sadness; my problems are trivial and the same things that people face everyday. Thinking over everything in my head, it just sounds like I'm a whining teenager and I hate myself even more for it. I have so many opportunities and I am so lucky to have a nice house, a family, a good education and food on the table, that I feel like there is nothing I can complain about because there are so many others out there who face greater problems on a daily basis.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm not sure what I'm expecting to be honest, but if you managed to read this pile of rubbish then I'd like to thank you.

[MusicIsEverything]

I think you need to see a doctor. It sounds like you have serious depression (me too, it's not fun). And I know from personal experience, it's hard to tell your parents about it, but I think it would really help you to start therapy or something.

[xxprincessxx]

Hey,

It seems like you're going through a rough patch. Just because you have a great life and so much to be thankful for doesn't mean you cannot fall in depression. You don't sound like a whiney teenager, you sound like somebody who just needs a little bit of help. Being said, since you have all of these good things in your life, maybe use them. I know it's hard talking to your parents/teachers about how you are feeling, but it WILL help and they can get you help. I'm sure they would rather know about this, than having you suffer in silence. Nobody should have to go through something like this alone.

As you stated above, since you're still in high school, even though you are 18 they would have to tell your parents IF you are hurting yourself or plan on it. But in away, is that so bad? If it will get you help maybe it would be worth it. I suggest talking to a teacher or the pastoral teachers again and telling them what's really been going on. Suicide is a permnant solution to a temporary problem! Life gets better, you can and will beat this!

If you ever want to talk or rant, just send me a private message! I'm always here for you! Hope everything starts looking up soon!

[Angury]

Originally Posted by MusicIsEverything

I think you need to see a doctor. It sounds like you have serious depression (me too, it's not fun). And I know from personal experience, it's hard to tell your parents about it, but I think it would really help you to start therapy or something.

Firstly, thank you for the quick reply. I wasn't expecting anyone to reply so quickly.
I'm beginning to realise that I do have some sort of problem, but I'm a little unsure about how to contact my doctor. I know I should tell my parents, but I really can't. I'm not that close to my parents as it is, and I don't think I could ever build up the courage to tell them something so big.
As for therapy.. that involves talking. I'm really not much of a talker, I prefer listening to other people, and the thought of talking to a stranger about something personal terrifies me. I don't know if I could even say anything to my doctor.
Thanks for your advice though, I appreciate the help. I'm sorry to hear that you suffer from depression yourself, I hope you feel better.

Originally Posted by xxprincessxx

Hey,

It seems like you're going through a rough patch. Just because you have a great life and so much to be thankful for doesn't mean you cannot fall in depression. You don't sound like a whiney teenager, you sound like somebody who just needs a little bit of help. Being said, since you have all of these good things in your life, maybe use them. I know it's hard talking to your parents/teachers about how you are feeling, but it WILL help and they can get you help. I'm sure they would rather know about this, than having you suffer in silence. Nobody should have to go through something like this alone.

As you stated above, since you're still in high school, even though you are 18 they would have to tell your parents IF you are hurting yourself or plan on it. But in away, is that so bad? If it will get you help maybe it would be worth it. I suggest talking to a teacher or the pastoral teachers again and telling them what's really been going on. Suicide is a permnant solution to a temporary problem! Life gets better, you can and will beat this!

If you ever want to talk or rant, just send me a private message! I'm always here for you! Hope everything starts looking up soon!

Hey there! Honestly, I would love to open up to my teachers. The pastoral staff are lovely folk, and I'm sure they would completely understand; the only thing stopping me unfortunately is the duty they'd have to inform my parents. I do understand that this can only be a good thing, but my relationship with my parents doesn't really involve much talking. I'm not saying they don't care for me, they love me unconditionally and would probably want me to tell them something like this, but I don't talk to my parents at all. I just come home and lock myself in my room, and I often don't see my parents until the next morning. Opening up to my parents seems unnatural to me, even thinking about it makes me want to curl up into a ball and hide in the corner. The only option I can see for myself would be to wait until I get to uni in September and tell someone then, since I will no longer be living with my parents by that time. The only problems I can see with that option however, are that I doubt I'll even be going to uni next year due to the awful grades I've been getting, and the fact that I'm not sure if I'll even be alive by then.
Thank you very much for your offer to PM you, and for your quick reply.

[elkdogmen]

Hey,
If you don't know who your GP is, another option is a walk-in clinic. Even just going to the phone book and calling around to see who's accepting patients might work for you. Talking to a medical doctor about depression doesn't really need to get into a lot of emotional talk about why you feel the way you do--in fact, a lot of the doctors I've seen just don't have time to talk about it, even if they wanted to. They need to know about symptoms like sleep problems, the self-harm, how many days out of an average week you feel down, and yeah, the suicide attempt. But those are just facts, if you think about it, you know? "I feel bad most days and don't enjoy stuff I used to like" is a pretty anonymous statement.

Eventually in treatment you'll have to start talking about stuff with strangers, yes, but you can ease into it. Mostly. In the hospital once I was faced with about six people at once first thing in the morning--the doctor, two medical students, the nurse, I think a social worker, the British tabloid press, I don't even know.

Telling parents is really hard. I guess all I'd say there is they'll find out eventually; them being notified by teachers isn't as bad as having to say the words yourself, and also not as bad as them getting a phonecall late at night with even worse news. But it's awful no matter what.

September's a long way away, and while that can be a big help (university counselors can be way useful, I leaned on them pretty heavily) you're in a serious condition right now if suicide attempts are in the mix.

Hope things get better for you.

[xxprincessxx]

Originally Posted by Angury

Hey there! Honestly, I would love to open up to my teachers. The pastoral staff are lovely folk, and I'm sure they would completely understand; the only thing stopping me unfortunately is the duty they'd have to inform my parents. I do understand that this can only be a good thing, but my relationship with my parents doesn't really involve much talking. I'm not saying they don't care for me, they love me unconditionally and would probably want me to tell them something like this, but I don't talk to my parents at all. I just come home and lock myself in my room, and I often don't see my parents until the next morning. Opening up to my parents seems unnatural to me, even thinking about it makes me want to curl up into a ball and hide in the corner. The only option I can see for myself would be to wait until I get to uni in September and tell someone then, since I will no longer be living with my parents by that time. The only problems I can see with that option however, are that I doubt I'll even be going to uni next year due to the awful grades I've been getting, and the fact that I'm not sure if I'll even be alive by then.
Thank you very much for your offer to PM you, and for your quick reply.

I see! I actually am not really that open with my parents either! So whenever I went to my guidance counselor and told them about what I had been going through and they called my parents, I was kind of scared. But the thing is, if you don't want to be open with your parents, just tell them that what they said is true, but you don't feel comfortable discussing it with them at the time and you would just like to be able to get help. They should understand that!

There's no need to suffer until you graduate. Also, I didn't think about this before but if you're 18, can you maybe get outside help by yourself without having your parents notified?

[Angury]

Originally Posted by elkdogmen

Hey,
If you don't know who your GP is, another option is a walk-in clinic. Even just going to the phone book and calling around to see who's accepting patients might work for you. Talking to a medical doctor about depression doesn't really need to get into a lot of emotional talk about why you feel the way you do--in fact, a lot of the doctors I've seen just don't have time to talk about it, even if they wanted to. They need to know about symptoms like sleep problems, the self-harm, how many days out of an average week you feel down, and yeah, the suicide attempt. But those are just facts, if you think about it, you know? "I feel bad most days and don't enjoy stuff I used to like" is a pretty anonymous statement.

Eventually in treatment you'll have to start talking about stuff with strangers, yes, but you can ease into it. Mostly. In the hospital once I was faced with about six people at once first thing in the morning--the doctor, two medical students, the nurse, I think a social worker, the British tabloid press, I don't even know.

Telling parents is really hard. I guess all I'd say there is they'll find out eventually; them being notified by teachers isn't as bad as having to say the words yourself, and also not as bad as them getting a phonecall late at night with even worse news. But it's awful no matter what.

September's a long way away, and while that can be a big help (university counselors can be way useful, I leaned on them pretty heavily) you're in a serious condition right now if suicide attempts are in the mix.

Hope things get better for you.

Well since my friends have found out about my suicide attempt, they've been constantly giving me advice and asking about my health despite my attempts to tell them that I am fine. I feel awful for placing such a burden on them, and also a little selfish that I imposed my own problems upon them when they have their own worries. So I've stopped telling them how I've really been feeling these past few days because it's bad enough me being in distress without dragging them along with me! Anyway.. rambling. My point (finally) is that they mentioned a walk-in clinic close to my school like you mentioned, and they offered to come along with me if I needed support. Thinking about talking to the doctor the way you described it, it does sound a bit easier and in the end it can only get better I suppose.
I was thinking of going to this walk-in clinic a few days ago, but what keeps stopping me everytime is the thought that my problems aren't really that serious. I keep imagining that I'll walk in there, blurt out my worries to the doctor and he'll simply reply "It's hormones, it's typical teenage problems" and send me on my way; the thought of not being diagnosed with a mental illness would be nice, but it would also make me feel a bit silly, as if I've been exaggerating everything. I know that scenario sounds a bit unrealistic but I just keep thinking that everything I'm going through is so trivial!
I am trying to build up the courage to go though. Thanks for your help.

Originally Posted by xxprincessxx

I see! I actually am not really that open with my parents either! So whenever I went to my guidance counselor and told them about what I had been going through and they called my parents, I was kind of scared. But the thing is, if you don't want to be open with your parents, just tell them that what they said is true, but you don't feel comfortable discussing it with them at the time and you would just like to be able to get help. They should understand that!

There's no need to suffer until you graduate. Also, I didn't think about this before but if you're 18, can you maybe get outside help by yourself without having your parents notified?

Refering to the last part, that's what I've been thinking about for a while now. I was really hoping that my teachers would be able to listen to me without passing on any information as they're really the only adults I feel comfortable speaking to, but as I said before that isn't possible. I've been looking at other options to get help, and other than the doctor the only other option is the walk-in clinic. Like I've mentioned above though, I have my own worries about using that option, as silly as they may seem. I'm not sure what other options there are though.. and I know I sound like an ungrateful prat for not using the options that are already open to me like speaking to my doctor or parents, and to be honest I really am being stubborn for not making use of the help that's being offered to me. I just have a hard time believing my problems are real I guess.

[minniemouseprincess]

First things first, yay for another MJ girl! (your icon). I love him too=) Haven't found anyone else on the forum who does.
Moving on, Sorry you are going through this=( i know, this sort of stuff is real tough and its hard to get better from this. I think though like everyone else said, you prob should see a doctor or therapist. I know your scared of your parents knowing, but I think its time they do=( Once they do, they will be able to get you the help you need. Once you get the help you need, you'll be better and happier. Also, therapy isnt so bad. Its confidential, whatever you say stays in the room. Some visits, you don't even have to say anything. Actually you never have to say anything you don't want to. They won't judge you, they have heard of people a lot worse than you. And talking to you is their job. Its great that your friends are helping you but you need more help than that. I have a friend with similar problems and i've been helping her for 3 years. But I know deep down, I can't give her what she really needs. I've told her to get therapy and stuff and I guess she is, but I don't know. I hope she is. You're not a burden on them dude. Speaking from experience of being on the outside, your friends can get worried about you, sure, but its because they love you and want you to get help. They will do anything they can for you and I think they are. But like I said, you need more than that. Don't be afraid of going to the GP, I think that would be a great idea. Don't let anything hold you back from that. If you ever need anything, im here=)

[xxprincessxx]

Originally Posted by Angury

Refering to the last part, that's what I've been thinking about for a while now. I was really hoping that my teachers would be able to listen to me without passing on any information as they're really the only adults I feel comfortable speaking to, but as I said before that isn't possible. I've been looking at other options to get help, and other than the doctor the only other option is the walk-in clinic. Like I've mentioned above though, I have my own worries about using that option, as silly as they may seem. I'm not sure what other options there are though.. and I know I sound like an ungrateful prat for not using the options that are already open to me like speaking to my doctor or parents, and to be honest I really am being stubborn for not making use of the help that's being offered to me. I just have a hard time believing my problems are real I guess.

Your problems are real though and they deserve to be taken care! Just try to remind yourself of that! I really suggest going with one of those options, getting the proper help will relieve yourself of so much pain!

[simon thompson]

Determination is an unbroken line, a backbone.

Without determination life becomes scattered. Determination makes you sit up straight and love everything.

Can you find what you can do different at this moment to cheer yourself.....

[Angury]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

First things first, yay for another MJ girl! (your icon). I love him too=) Haven't found anyone else on the forum who does.
Moving on, Sorry you are going through this=( i know, this sort of stuff is real tough and its hard to get better from this. I think though like everyone else said, you prob should see a doctor or therapist. I know your scared of your parents knowing, but I think its time they do=( Once they do, they will be able to get you the help you need. Once you get the help you need, you'll be better and happier. Also, therapy isnt so bad. Its confidential, whatever you say stays in the room. Some visits, you don't even have to say anything. Actually you never have to say anything you don't want to. They won't judge you, they have heard of people a lot worse than you. And talking to you is their job. Its great that your friends are helping you but you need more help than that. I have a friend with similar problems and i've been helping her for 3 years. But I know deep down, I can't give her what she really needs. I've told her to get therapy and stuff and I guess she is, but I don't know. I hope she is. You're not a burden on them dude. Speaking from experience of being on the outside, your friends can get worried about you, sure, but its because they love you and want you to get help. They will do anything they can for you and I think they are. But like I said, you need more than that. Don't be afraid of going to the GP, I think that would be a great idea. Don't let anything hold you back from that. If you ever need anything, im here=)

Hiya, great to see another MJ fan. I think it's great to hear that you're helping someone go through something similar, their very lucky to have someone as caring as you. I do realise now that as supportive as my friends may be, they cannot replace professional help, and in the end I'm just being selfish by leaning too heavily on them.
I guess I just need to build up the courage to visit a doctor. Thanks for the supportive reply.

Originally Posted by xxprincessxx

Your problems are real though and they deserve to be taken care! Just try to remind yourself of that! I really suggest going with one of those options, getting the proper help will relieve yourself of so much pain!

That's a very kind thing to say, thanks. I do try to remind myself of that, but sometimes it is hard to see past the screen of self-pity and realise that my problems are real enough to go seek professional help. Thanks for your replies and support.

Originally Posted by simon thompson

Determination is an unbroken line, a backbone.

Without determination life becomes scattered. Determination makes you sit up straight and love everything.

Can you find what you can do different at this moment to cheer yourself.....

Honestly, I can't find anything that cheers me up. My friends were telling me to find something to live for.. and I can't think of anything. I guess it's just selfish of me to not choose something like family and friends to live for, but all I can think of is the burden I am on their lives.

Thanks for all the replies. I guess ultimately I do need to seek professional help and there's nothing more anyone can say really. I just need to somehow build up that courage to take the first step. Thanks to everyone for the replies.

[MusicIsEverything]

You really need to tell your parents about this. I told mine a few weeks ago, and I'm not very close to them either. It was really hard and I didn't think I could get the guts to tell them, but I did. Don't overturning it, just make yourself say it. Just get it out there. I think you really need some help, if it's at the point that you are suicidal it's a very painful and dangerous condition to be in. If you cant tell your parents tell a school counselor or something. Please just get help with this. And you can PM me if you ever want to talk

[Angury]

Originally Posted by MusicIsEverything

You really need to tell your parents about this. I told mine a few weeks ago, and I'm not very close to them either. It was really hard and I didn't think I could get the guts to tell them, but I did. Don't overturning it, just make yourself say it. Just get it out there. I think you really need some help, if it's at the point that you are suicidal it's a very painful and dangerous condition to be in. If you cant tell your parents tell a school counselor or something. Please just get help with this. And you can PM me if you ever want to talk

I know you're all saying I have to tell my parents, but I just want to ask.. why? I mean, I'm 18 and it's a personal problem. My parents don't really have responsibility for me anymore and I can get help from other sources.
I know not telling my parents wouldn't be good, but I don't see why it's so necessary. As long as I get some support from a professional then that's all that matters right?
The only person I've spoken to about this in real life is my friend, and she started crying and becoming hysterical. I don't want to see anyone go through so much distress again, so I don't want to show my true feelings to anyone close.

[minniemouseprincess]

Originally Posted by Angury

Hiya, great to see another MJ fan. I think it's great to hear that you're helping someone go through something similar, their very lucky to have someone as caring as you. I do realise now that as supportive as my friends may be, they cannot replace professional help, and in the end I'm just being selfish by leaning too heavily on them.
I guess I just need to build up the courage to visit a doctor. Thanks for the supportive reply.



That's a very kind thing to say, thanks. I do try to remind myself of that, but sometimes it is hard to see past the screen of self-pity and realise that my problems are real enough to go seek professional help. Thanks for your replies and support.



Honestly, I can't find anything that cheers me up. My friends were telling me to find something to live for.. and I can't think of anything. I guess it's just selfish of me to not choose something like family and friends to live for, but all I can think of is the burden I am on their lives.

Thanks for all the replies. I guess ultimately I do need to seek professional help and there's nothing more anyone can say really. I just need to somehow build up that courage to take the first step. Thanks to everyone for the replies.

No hun, its not selfish. I've done the same thing. All you're trying to do is get support and help and thats not a bad thing. You just need more than they can offer is all.