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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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:( - February 10th 2012, 07:26 PM

help me please
   
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Re: :( - February 10th 2012, 07:53 PM

What's going on? I would like to be able to help you but you need to give a little bit more information on what you need help with!


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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Re: :( - February 10th 2012, 08:21 PM

i just can't take it anymore. ive been battling with depression and eating disorder for 2 years :/ was starting to get better but everythings just going wrong wrong wrong! i just can't take it no more! i have been trying so fucking hard to get better, plaster that big fake smile on my face, attend bloody school all day everyday, achieve good grades please my friends, please my family, please everyone who wants to be pleased. i never ever complain, never. ive never asked for anything for anyone, ive never asked for help ever. i don't know what to do.. all week my teachers have been on my case, cpmplaining about i dont even know what, creating problems for me for no reason whatsoever. she's turned so many teachers against me. they make me feel like im some sort of criminal like ive done something wrong but i haven't. the only complaint has been my attendance which i know is bad, but ive been going school alot more regularly now, they just dont seem to understand if a person's ill you can't exactly help it. its pointless me coming into school only to get sent back home.. i showed them all my recently graded work and its all level with or above expectations for what i should be getting now A/B
i just dont know what im supposed to do. i always take evrything in, i never tell people my problems my issues my concerns my FEELINGS, but they dont know, i take everything in, i take in all looks, comments, glances, whispers, rumours, stares glares everything, but they will never know how it affects me so. it stays running around in my head for days and days on end. everything is like a huge build up getting taller and taller just waiting to explode. yesterday i broke down so bad in school, i couldnt stop crying, two teachers were there, one on my side and the one who is against me. she just started firing abuse at me calling me ''immature'' and ''rude'' then she just walked off.. i cried so bad then the teach supporting me went after her and had few words with her :/ i dont know what they said but it upset me soo soo much. and i know it sounds like im being stupid but so muich has been going on recently. ive been back from hospital 5 months and things feel like they're worse to the point like when i got taken in to hospital. i dont wanna go back there again. i hate being like this. i take my medication, i go for counselling, i follow my eating plan, i try and do all the so-called ''therapuetic'' work that's supposed to help so why does it feel like im not getting anywhere. everything is causing me to tick, everything angers me to the point where i feel like im going to explode, i hate everyone and evrythign. i dont wanna be with anyone dont wanna see anyone or talk to anyone. i hate my family so much. i know hate is a strong word, but the feelings i feel are ten times stronger. they've hurt me in ways you wouldnt dream of. i can't live like this no more. the constant expectations, the constant hurt screams garbage junk dirt argh i hate it a i dont wanna live, its disgusting. im disgusting.. i just cry and cry and cry. i want to cry all the time. WHAT SHALL I DO?? i can't breath.. argh im ranting gotta stop im sorry, im so so sorry
   
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Re: :( - February 10th 2012, 08:34 PM

You don't have to apologize, everybody needs to let there feelings out once and awhile! I'm so sorry that happened to you at school, teachers should never be able to verablly abuse their students, what she said is not true though, so try not to take it so bad.

As for everything else, I know that you said that you tried to please everybody, but you cannot make everybody happy. I've learned that, I used to be the same way, but you've got to worry about your happiness before you can worry about others! As for the way people treat you, if it's bad don't listen to them, you don't deserve that but if it's on the verge of abusive, you really need to tell somebody. Which brings me to my next point, I know that you said you don't open up to people and that you hold it all inside but maybe you shouldn't. It's healthy to talk to people about how you are feeling and what's going on, that could be part of the reason it doesn't feel like it's getting any better, if you open up then it might be helpful!

You say that you are taking medication and it's still not working? Maybe bring that up with your counselor next time you see him/her. Also, let your counselor know everything that's going on and how you've been feeling, I'm sure they would want to be help you in any way that they can!

I know you don't want to go back to the hospital and all, is the a particular reason why you don't? I'm sure if your working on your eating plan and aren't feeling suicidal you won't have to go back. Recovery takes time, it won't get better right away but it will slowly get better! Don't give up!


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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Re: :( - February 11th 2012, 05:20 PM

they've increased my meds good few times now, it was upped only 2 weeks ago to 150mg (Sertraline) it can only be upped to 200mg, so thats one more upping.. ive been on it for 7 months, it should be doing something by now. what the hell is happening with me? i dont understand. i dont know what im doing anymore. i just feel so lost. all the time. theres nothing left in my life worth fighting for.

i dont wanna go back to hospital because ive turned 18 now so i would have to go to an adult unit, but before i was in childrens ward so that was okay.. but i dont wanna be going back to a place like that again.. i dont want to go there :/ yes i do follow my eating plan, im puttin weight on like i should be n everything.. everyone says it takes time, but this ''time'' issue is ticking me off now, i been back from hospital 6 months, i should be feeling even slightly better by now, so why is it that im feeling worse? xx
   
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Re: :( - February 11th 2012, 05:55 PM

I know the feeling, love. Waiting it out sucks, but soon enough it will get better if you keep doing what you're supposed too. The meds might take a few more weeks to kick in and if not then letting your doctor would be good. Maybe you'll have to try a different medication, they don't always work the same with people, so it might take time to figure out what works best for you.

Try telling your counselor you feel worse than you did before, they should be able to help you! Like I said, you shouldn't have to go back to the hospital, but the adult wards aren't that bad either. I understand not wanting to go back though, just do what you have to do to take care of yourself.


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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Re: :( - February 11th 2012, 10:12 PM

I'm on my fourth different type of meds, why are they or working :/
   
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Re: :( - February 12th 2012, 04:16 AM

I don't know, I had a friend who had to try I think like 6 different types before he found the right one! Sometimes it just takes time to work!


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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Re: :( - February 12th 2012, 04:54 AM

Honey im sorry=( But I think it is time to ask for help. You don't have to necessarily go to a hospital. But I think maybe therapy once a week would do you some good. If your parents won't get you any, go with a friend to their mom or dad and ask them to help you. I know you don't like asking for help. But its time now, its gotten to the necessary point. I see you're on meds now though. Maybe the meds still need time to work, you know? My friend got put on antidepressants not too long ago and she's still struggling with them too. Doctor said it would start working soon. Yesterday was a good day for her, but yeah she has been having a hard time too. You may start feeling better when the medicine kicks in. Once again, im sorry its been this way=( I do think though in time, things will be better. It just takes a lot of time. If you ever want to talk, im here.


   
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Re: :( - February 12th 2012, 10:40 AM

thankyou julia. im on the waiting list for psychotherapy. and im currently going for counselling once weekly too. just don't know what the hells wrong with me
   
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