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Unhappy I can't cope any more - February 13th 2012, 03:08 PM

I'm 17 and I've known I've got depression for a while now. It's significantly gotten worse this academic year, from about September/October onwards and I really don't know what to do with myself any more.

I'm meant to be going to university this September and have gotten offers from all of my choices, but it hasn't motivated me whatsoever to actually do my work and get the grades. I'm excited to go yet somewhat scared because I don't know whether moving away from my family and friends will be any good for me at the moment, even if the uni I want to go to is only over an hour away. Going to uni is also playing a big part in the fact that I can't tell my family about my depression because I know they would worry more about me and get upset. I can't do that.

A small number of my friends know because I've felt like I've needed to reach out to them but with them knowing, it hasn't always been the case. One of them tried to talk to me about it when I was going through a really rough patch a few weeks back, but it really resulted with him telling me to 'cheer up' and stuff, which has really upset me more. My best friend is being amazing about it and talks about it with me sometimes, even if I do worry her. She told me a couple of nights back that she'd somewhat forgotten that I have a mental disorder, because it doesn't make me who I am, which I think is a good thing to remember sometimes.

I just have trouble coping now and I don't know what to do about it. I tried to tell myself that this weekend would be a new fresh start but it resulted in me hysterically crying in bed and some minor SH. I know I should go speak to a doctor or something but I'm too scared to reach out. I actually have quite a number of friends (more distant ones who I don't see as often as I should do) who also suffer from depression, but they've been brave enough to go do something about it. I know I should follow in their footsteps but it scares me and I don't know what to do. It's currently 4pm and I've currently spent my whole day curled up in bed crying and managed a grand total of fifty one words for an essay that was due in about a month ago. Depression is hindering my school work, my life, my social life (where I tend to heavily drink when I do go out) and just everything around me.

I want things to change but it's finding the courage to do so and I'm really at the end of my tether. I apologise for my too long internal monologue here but I'm really on the edge of giving up. If there was a way to stay asleep for the rest of my life, I would definitely do it.
   
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Re: I can't cope any more - February 13th 2012, 06:54 PM

Getting help actually isnt so hard when youve done it. Its just the courage in the first place. I found the worse bit to be when i was sitting and waiting in the surgery, but as for the doctor; it felt to me that he has those types of appointments all the time. It was still hard of course! Every appointment after that gets a lot easier, but of course, still isnt exactly enjoyable. I personally found it harder to speak to friends, so if youve already done that then i think you are able to go to a doctor
   
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Re: I can't cope any more - February 14th 2012, 01:23 AM

Why are you scared babe? Why are you scared to tell someone? Thats what we have to start with is why.


   
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Re: I can't cope any more - February 25th 2012, 11:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemma. View Post
Getting help actually isnt so hard when youve done it. Its just the courage in the first place. I found the worse bit to be when i was sitting and waiting in the surgery, but as for the doctor; it felt to me that he has those types of appointments all the time. It was still hard of course! Every appointment after that gets a lot easier, but of course, still isnt exactly enjoyable. I personally found it harder to speak to friends, so if youve already done that then i think you are able to go to a doctor
Thank you so much for responding. I've kind of managed to get myself into the mindset that I'm going to go now, it's just finding more courage to actually get there now. I need to learn that to help myself, I have to actually actively try to get better, rather than sitting here and feeling sorry for myself. Thank you so much.

Quote:
Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess View Post
Why are you scared babe? Why are you scared to tell someone? Thats what we have to start with is why.
I really don't know. I think it's the fact that everything I've thought will be confirmed and will be official. I don't know. I just wish I wasn't scared.
   
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