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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Pain - February 16th 2012, 04:09 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Pain Anger Rage Hate Hurt Insecurities Unloved Bitterness Cold Resentful Harmful Suicide Addiction Rejection Resentment Aloneness Despised Unforgiveness Bottled up emotions Stress Scared Lies

Everyday i wake up with a fake smile just to please everybody
Everynight i go to bed and cry because i know no one will understand
Day by day i live as if nothing is wrong
Night by night i know nothing is right
I'm living a lie i dont belong here
I cant go on living like this
I just want this pain to go away
Why wont the pain STOP
My arms show how much nothing is right in my life
But i know no one sees them becasue i know how to hide it well
I paint a picture with my razor
The paint is my blood
The canvas is my wrist

I cut and i like it when it hurts
I like the pain then i dont like the pain
Sometimes i wish that i could just end it all
But i know that i cant
So i just plant that fake smile on my face and i at like nothing is wrong
Eventhough i know nothing is right
It seems to me that nobody cares about me
Or how i feel
Or whats going on inside my head
Each cut is deeper than the last one
Some are right on top of each other
The pain of my blood soothes the pain
The pain of my heart and of my mind
I dont know what else i can do to relieve this pain
I'm running out of options
I need help but i dont know who i should go to
When i first meet people they think im this perfect person
But in reality I'm not
For the past three years I've been able to fool most people
Into believing that im a perfect person and that nothing is wrong
Why cant people see through all of it
I'm scared of what im going to do next
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Re: Pain - February 16th 2012, 05:09 AM

I like your poem its so deep. But Its sad }: sorry your feeling this way. I have felt like this too still do some days. Can you talk to your parents about this maybe? or a therapist or a trustred friend? Im sure some one in your life cares for you. We care here if you ever need to talk you can pm me or email me chrissey30@ymail.com Hang in there hope you feel better.
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Re: Pain - February 16th 2012, 06:34 AM

I was depressed since 7th grade and beyond...
Life will get better. Honestly. I remember me crying in the bed for dumb reasons like no pc and barely any friends to talk to in school, but you will realize. All of life is not just like this... if you don't think you have a meaning in life, live to live - it's what I always tell myself. Pain is a common feeling... but you have to cope through it, because when you fix what causes you pain, you won't feel it no longer. I am living right now because... I can be happier in the future.
So can you.
And I have lots of experience.... I go out maybe 2 times a week with my ONLY two friends from school to play basketball, and it really makes my current PC ban like nothing. TV episodes are always also more interesting cause I actually watch it now lol. I'm only on the pc at night, in fact. Which is generally why I always post at late ass times like 2:30. If you want to talk to me or something about this, please just pm me. I really would want to give advice because I know it really really does hurt to death, and I thought about suiciding almost everyday before.

waitwaaitwait - are you like my friend, J? This guy is popular in his class yet hangs out with me, but he tells me whenever hes depressed, that he in reality is a quiet guy, and he feels like hes lying to people cause he doesn't show it. He makes poems too and tries to carve his fore-arm with a pencil...
In that case.. do what makes you happy. If your happier being quiet, then be quiet, but if your happier being not-quiet, then remain the same. I believe 25% of your personality your born with, while the 75% is based on your experience, and your wants.

Last edited by JustACityBoy; February 16th 2012 at 06:53 AM.
   
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Re: Pain - February 16th 2012, 11:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lauri View Post
Can you talk to your parents about this maybe? or a therapist or a trustred friend? Im sure some one in your life cares for you. Hang in there hope you feel better.
I don't tell my parents anything and it's not like they really care enough to ask any questions anyways they always can help someone else out with their problems but never their own daughter. And i kinda do want a therapist but don't know how to ask my parents for one. And i do have two friends trying to help me and i really appreciate them but sometimes that just isn't enough. I'm sure someone in my life does care about me i just haven't found them yet. thanks for taking the time to read and post something to this it helps a lot and i appreciate it


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Last edited by ♥ HeartbeatLover ♥; February 16th 2012 at 11:23 AM.
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Re: Pain - February 16th 2012, 11:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustACityBoy View Post
if you don't think you have a meaning in life, live to live - it's what I always tell myself. Pain is a common feeling... but you have to cope through it, because when you fix what causes you pain, you won't feel it no longer. I am living right now because... I can be happier in the future.
So can you.
And I have lots of experience.... I go out maybe 2 times a week with my ONLY two friends from school to play basketball, and it really makes my current PC ban like nothing. TV episodes are always also more interesting cause I actually watch it now lol. I'm only on the pc at night, in fact. Which is generally why I always post at late ass times like 2:30. If you want to talk to me or something about this, please just pm me. I really would want to give advice because I know it really really does hurt to death, and I thought about suiciding almost everyday before.

waitwaaitwait - are you like my friend, J? This guy is popular in his class yet hangs out with me, but he tells me whenever hes depressed, that he in reality is a quiet guy, and he feels like hes lying to people cause he doesn't show it. He makes poems too and tries to carve his fore-arm with a pencil...
In that case.. do what makes you happy. If your happier being quiet, then be quiet, but if your happier being not-quiet, then remain the same. I believe 25% of your personality your born with, while the 75% is based on your experience, and your wants.
i'm almost 19 and i've been dealing with this since i was 8(earliest i can remember) as for friends i live 3 hrs away from my friends and it sucks so i'm mostly at home all day everyday except for when i have classes on mondays and wednesdays. i have insomnia so im always on this site at random times. i remember when i was 8 i actually wanted/thought of committing suicide but i didn't and then in about 9th grade something happened to me and i started cutting and ever since then i've kinda became addicted to it. i do write poems but those only help for so long and after the effect of writing the poem wears off i feel all sad and depressed again. hey thanks for taking the time to read and comment/post on this it really helps me a lot


♥ HeartBeatLover ♥ -^v-^v^-♥-^v-^v^-

"I kissed the scars on her skin I still think you're beautiful And i don't ever wanna lose my best friend"


"Form the place I was to the place I am to the place I wanna be For the mountains I've been climbing over and under and over"

If there's anything that you want to Know about me just pm me

My Poems

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Re: Pain - February 16th 2012, 06:26 PM

Hello,

I am really sorry that you are in so much pain right now. I want you to know that I am here for you if you need to talk. You can email me!

BGonya10@aol.com

Stay Strong.
   
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Re: Pain - February 16th 2012, 07:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlaineG. View Post
Hello,

I am really sorry that you are in so much pain right now. I want you to know that I am here for you if you need to talk. You can email me!


Stay Strong.
thank you... i'll try and stay strong


♥ HeartBeatLover ♥ -^v-^v^-♥-^v-^v^-

"I kissed the scars on her skin I still think you're beautiful And i don't ever wanna lose my best friend"


"Form the place I was to the place I am to the place I wanna be For the mountains I've been climbing over and under and over"

If there's anything that you want to Know about me just pm me

My Poems

My Tumblr
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Re: Pain - February 17th 2012, 12:39 AM

Aww your welcome. I understand its hard to tell your parents you want to see a therapist. Been there and since I was cared to tell my parents I wanted to see a therapist I suffered with depresison for 2 years before getting help. I know sometimes it seems are parents are busy with there job and stuff. But sometimes parents dont know what going on with you unless you tell them heartbeatlove. You may be suprised they might actualy help you and care if you just opean up to them and let them know how you feel and whats going on. Glad your friends are helping you hope it all works out. Find your passion in life that makes you happy and go for it {:
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Re: Pain - February 17th 2012, 05:03 AM

We're quite similar ;p I have imsomnia too and I sleep at 2:30 on average, 1:00 on a good day. I was pretty G in school at 8 yrs old, but I had no friends in the summer and I was bored to death, literally, I cried before, and kept ranting at home in the summer. I must say though, ages 10-11 were the prime of my life, til the great decline. I was too envious of my 2 sisters hogging up the computer and they are 6-7 years older than me, so I literally had nothing to do in house other then watch tv.

I've been walking the 15 minute walk alone to my house everyday.. the thoughts of loneliness really kill me sometimes. I think this is your root of pain cause it certainly is mine (and school pressure, but I don't get bullied at all)

Which is why you should still remain in contact with your friends, because they're cool and fun. But 3 hours, man, thats so far.
Unless you plan to move in with them or something like that, you should.
But if I were you right now.. I think I'd try to find new friends, and you need an opportunity. Dorms are great for friends... you ever watch HIMYM? Ted met his best friend in his college dorm. I also picture myself drawing in some studio at 19 years old as my part time job, as a game artist.
I'm not much of a friendly guy, but if I were to live with a guy in a dorm, we'd be pretty cool I suppose. If you are afraid of the social problems like me, (I'm not too good at making friends) you shouldn't be. All people are really cool after you know them, just like my friend and hopefully me lol.
Good luck.

Last edited by JustACityBoy; February 17th 2012 at 05:22 AM.
   
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Re: Pain - February 17th 2012, 05:36 AM

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Originally Posted by JustACityBoy View Post
Which is why you should still remain in contact with your friends, because they're cool and fun. But 3 hours, man, thats so far.
Unless you plan to move in with them or something like that, you should.
But if I were you right now.. I think I'd try to find new friends, and you need an opportunity. Dorms are great for friends... you ever watch HIMYM? Ted met his best friend in his college dorm. I also picture myself drawing in some studio at 19 years old as my part time job, as a game artist.
I'm not much of a friendly guy, but if I were to live with a guy in a dorm, we'd be pretty cool I suppose. If you are afraid of the social problems like me, (I'm not too good at making friends) you shouldn't be. All people are really cool after you know them, just like my friend and hopefully me lol.
Good luck.
yeah the thing is me and my best friend dont even talk anymore(we had an argument and now we arent talking) yeah i have no plans of moving in with them... i cnt move into the dorms cuz im n a jr college as for making friends i stay at hm all the time so idk how that would b possible


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Re: Pain - February 17th 2012, 05:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥ HeartbeatLover ♥ View Post

yeah the thing is me and my best friend dont even talk anymore(we had an argument and now we arent talking) yeah i have no plans of moving in with them... i cnt move into the dorms cuz im n a jr college as for making friends i stay at hm all the time so idk how that would b possible
Yea, that's what I hate about school. I had a great friend girl in 3rd grade that I think.. I loved, cause she was the closest female friend to me, EVER. Even 5 years later. (I think we could've been together, and I wanted that) and my Korean best friend who also moved. In 7th grade, my Philipino friend also moved to New Jersey, and we also stopped talking, because that was the year I became awkward, but nicer in a way. Not to mention I argued with his cousin.

Things like these happen, and you should try to still talk with them if you got the time you know, but you have to also find new friends. I would suggest to you a job... my sister met a friend she still talks to on Facebook in the daycare she worked at, and she was a teacher. Well, not really a teacher, she doesn't have to do anything in that job lol.

Last edited by JustACityBoy; February 17th 2012 at 05:57 AM.
   
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Re: Pain - February 17th 2012, 06:00 AM

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Originally Posted by JustACityBoy View Post
Things like these happen, and you should try to still talk with them if you got the time you know, but you have to also find new friends. I would suggest to you a job... my sister met a friend she still talks to on Facebook in the daycare she worked at, and she was a teacher. Well, not really a teacher, she doesn't have to do anything in that job lol.
i sumtimes do talk to my friends on fb... and i do have a job right now but theres not a lot of time for chit chat plus i dnt get along with other females that great


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"Form the place I was to the place I am to the place I wanna be For the mountains I've been climbing over and under and over"

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