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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I don't know if I can do this anymore - February 21st 2012, 11:47 PM

This is my last ditch attempt at getting real help. I don't know what else to do. *also could be triggering (grieving) but I couldn't add two prefixes*

I don't see the point in me going on. What is the fucking point in anything? We all fucking die at some point. Why do I have to torture myself with life and losing everyone when I can just stop it now? My nan is gone. The funeral was Monday. It's not fair. She was a good person, she never did anything wrong. Why is it fair she had to die? It should have been me. I'm a bad person.

I just don't see the point in my life anymore. I don't have anything to live for. I'm not enjoying university, I don't want children, I doubt I'll ever get married, I can't achieve my dream career in life unless I earn fuck loads of money so what's the point? I'm nothing special. I'm a nobody. At times like these I actually envy religious people, they believe they have something to look forward to, they have something to live for.

I just want to sleep and never wake up. When I'm asleep I can forget how much this hurts, I can forgot she's gone. Honestly, the only reason I'm still here right now is because I can't bring myself to do that to my Dad yet. He's just lost his mother and I don't want to cause him the pain of losing a daughter right now either.


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know if I can do this anymore - February 22nd 2012, 12:01 AM

Im sorry for your losses. And it appears you feel you have nothing left to live for, no purpose, no hope, no future. That you were put here as a waste of space. But not one of us living here is a waste of space. You coming here shows that you don't even see yourself as a waste of space. Why do I say that? Because you know there's a part of you that can come to life again.. a better part. That part allows us to see life for what it truly is. A gift. And while we may curse life, berate it, despise it and question it... it'll always go on while we fall behind. And believe it or not... it's ours for the taking. It's all a matter of perspective. I dont know you personally but I do know that anyone can be someone. Yes, that includes you. You deserve to be happy and you can be happy. Things may be hard now, but, you cant start doubting yourself. Its not you who has done anything wrong. It's just the way your life has panned out-- one that you can't compare to others seeing what you wish you had and how you wish your life could echo said person's. The beauty of it all is... there's billions of us and we ALL HAVE a DIFFERENT story. But we all want the same thing-- to be happy and to belong. As i said in my post a few minutes ago, and as is obvious, we're just not there yet. But to give up is never an option and to doubt yourself is a faster way to get to that stage. You have your whole life ahead of you and nothing is ever over with. Dying is just as natural as being born and believe it or not... can be just as wonderful. Its all a matter of perspective. One that you can partake in.
   
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Re: I don't know if I can do this anymore - February 22nd 2012, 04:30 AM

Sweetheart, you NEED to keep on going. I think this is at its hardest for you at this moment because you just lost your nan. Its perfectly understandable, you're still grieving hun. Everything is gonna feel a thousand times worse right now. Its gonna hurt bad before things get better. I don't know if better is the right word, but you know what I mean. I think a lot of us here know kind of what you are going through because we have all lost someone in our lives. I lost my 2nd cousin 2 years ago. She wasn't even supposed to die. She was going in for a heart surgery that was big, but she was not expected to not make it through. She had so many complications from it, her body just couldn't take it. I felt bad too babe. I cried a lot. I hated those doctors, I hated God. I was so pissed that she was taken from us too young. I even teared up when her name was mentioned for a long time. I don't do it anymore but it was very hard for a very long time. It took me a while to become okay with talking about her again. And this is someone I didn't know well in my life. I saw her sometimes, but that was it. I regret that now. She was such a lovely person. Be very glad you had your nan in your life for so long. Your nan isn't gone babe, she is ALWAYS with you and she will ALWAYS love you. And you know something special you could do for her? You could buy a bunch of balloons, write a note on ether them or on a piece of paper and tie it to one of the ballon ribbons, and let them go. I do that for my cousin on her anniversary. I also paint my nails pink because pink is the color for love and she was a strong believer in love. Your nan wouldn't want you to be sad that she passed, she'd want you to be happy she lived. Nenya, you are a beautiful girl im sure. You are special. You were special to your nan, you are special to your father, and im sure there's others. Live for these people babe. You know the sadness you feel now for your nan, if you leave, your father will feel the same sadness, maybe worse. No parent should have to burry their child. If you really, really try, you'll make it out of this. I think your biggest way of help would be to talk to someone, anyone that may be of help. Def. so because you have been so effected by your nan's passing but also because you haven't been doing so well otherwise. I think talking would let you get a lot out and take some weight off your shoulders. If you ever would like to talk to me, my inbox is always open=)


   
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Re: I don't know if I can do this anymore - February 23rd 2012, 07:47 PM

My dad died right before my 15th birthday.. I didn't know what to do, and I've been left with the terror of being alone, the drastic thought of finally ending the pain, and the hidden depression that you are describing here ever since.. Like you, the only reason that I haven't pulled the trigger is I can't leave my mother alone like this... I would love to talk to you, maybe we can help each other... sarahuffman82@yahoo.com
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