College sucks this semester, to put it simply. I took too many classes that are too hard for me and I can't seem to do as well as I'd like. I wind up feeling stupid because I study a week in advance, and more than everybody else, and it never pays off. I just keep getting C's. I'm aware that this is a top-tier college and giving me a great education but I feel like I'm learning nothing except how to cope with pain, rejection, and frustration.
When I talk to my parents about it, they comfort me, but it makes me depressed because I can't live at home with them, I can only hear their voices on the other end, and they miss me. They are sad when I'm gone. They don't want me to be so sad, but it makes them sad that my efforts aren't paying off. I feel dizzy and faint every time I have to take an exam, and every time I have to tell them about a bad grade I got.
I see no point of getting out of bed in the morning, but I do out of fear that if I don't, it will have a negative effect on my grades. I study and study and study all day, but all I keep getting is C's. I want to talk to a counselor, or Dean of Students, but it's already relatively late in the semester, so I feel like all they could do is encourage me to keep going until the end: I mean, I guess in the end it's worth it to finish off this semester, I've come so far, and I think I'd feel like more of a failure if I didn't. I mean, certainly there are people doing worse than I am. There are really only 6 more weeks of school left.
I think there could be a light at the end of the tunnel, seeing as next semester I'll choose classes more wisely and ones that interest me, but I'm just so afraid of seeing my final grades. I'm so afraid of seeing my grades at all. I just wish I could go to community college or, like, a smaller, less-reputed college near my home where I would be happier, but part of me thinks this is a great opportunity for me, to stay here. And my boyfriend is here. He keeps me going. Tells me its not such a big deal. I wish I could just go through the motions and not feel the pain and pop out at the end still feeling good about myself. I feel so lost sometimes, like what is the purpose of my existence? I'm just a face in the crowd.
I know how you feel. This semester sucks for me as well. It's not so much the difficulty but it just as stressful. I had 6 courses but I dropped 3 in the begining because I was already so stressed.
Have you thought about going to the student center or something? Like tutoring? its normally included into your tutition. Maybe just having someone look at an assignment or a paper and giving you pointers on it will help. If they tell you, that you're work is good then your professors are just really hard graders.
Try to hold out and finish your semester. I know if I dropped out, I'd feel more like a failure than if I blew my GPA. I don't like having a high standard for myself but it's the only thing that keeps me going in school.
Even though there are only 6 weeks left you should talk to your professors [the ones you are having trouble with] and/or talk to a counselor. Just get everyone on the same page, let them know you are trying and really working hard. Professors like students who are putting in the extra mile even if they aren't exactly achieving the higher grades.
Just relax and try to enjoy the last 6 weeks. Like you said, next semester you'll pick your classes more wisely and not over-load yourself. I hope everything works out.
If you want any help with school, I can try to help. I don't know what field you're in, but I'm taking 20 credits for the second semester in a row as a Math major, so I know how demanding college can be.
PM me if you think there's anything I could help you with.