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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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MadPoet Offline
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Name: Amanda.
Age: 24
Gender: Female.
Location: Michigan.

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It's been awhile... - February 23rd 2012, 10:31 PM

I'm so tired of living. I'm not suicidal. I'm just tired. I'm tired because of the effort it takes to get up every morning and face life. I'm tired because of the people who use me and make me feel as if I am nothing. I'm tired because I'm alive, and all life brings is pain. Pain and exhaustion.

Is it so wrong that I just want someone to make me feel like life is worth living? I guess it wouldn't matter, even if I did have that. Because I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to trust and then get my heart broken. I don't want to be used. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to be here.

Some people just aren't meant to be alive. Some people die the moment they are born. Sometimes, and I know this is a terrible thought, I wonder if I was meant to be one of them. Because life shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be a different combination of medications every few months, switching when they wear off. It shouldn't be an endless effort just to live. Forget happiness, it's difficult enough to get through the day, let alone feel happy.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. To rant, I guess. But I don't want help anymore. Help means more pills, more therapy appointments. I don't want help. People with actual diseases have an advantage. They can choose to pull the plug and let the disease kill them. I don't get that choice. I live with this, for the rest of my life.

I didn't take my pills last night, so that's probably what this is. But I shouldn't have to take god damn pills to feel happy. Life sucks. Always has, always will. And I'm stuck...





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Name: Julia
Age: 25
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Re: It's been awhile... - February 23rd 2012, 11:30 PM

I'm very sorry Amanda=( That must be rough. We have all felt this way before in a sense. I've wanted to die before too. I've been tired of living. But we can't let that get to us. We gotta put it aside and keep on going. We've made it this far. I'm sorry you've been hurt so much by people. Just remember, not everyone is the same. There ARE good people in the world. People that won't hurt you or break your heart. I promise you, there are. Its okay to be careful with people and not trust them too much at first. I know a lot of people like that. Thats totally fine. But don't give up ether. There are better people out there than the people you've had in your life. You are meant to be here babe. If you weren't, you wouldn't be here. We all have a purpose and until we fulfill that purpose, we stay. Yours may be to help someone in the future somehow. Someone who feels the way you do right now. It could be anything. But its because of that purpose that you and everyone else here is still alive. Hope you are feeling better soon and if you ever want to talk or would just like a new friend, my inbox is always open.


   
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Anonimous Offline
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Re: It's been awhile... - February 24th 2012, 03:51 PM

Yea, I feel almost the same way.
Except that i don't take pills.
But yea, People care about you so i think you should be alive.
And Julia is right. There are probally nice people around.
I know this isn't really a good anything.
But just wanted to show there are more people like you, And i support you.
Good luck
   
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