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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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~Madam~ Offline
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Name: Ellie
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Question Confused and lost </3 - February 24th 2012, 10:02 PM

I dont know where to start ..
well lets start out by saying .. i think im depressed . During the day im happy i guess you could say , or you could say .. fake happy .. but then at night i cant help but cry . i have the worst self esteem ever . My mom almost died last year , and my grandma is on the verge of death right now . I cut myself because its my only way out , and it shows the shame i have on my body . I get made fun of all the time , im known as "the fat girl that sits in the corner" but i honestly dont think im that fat .. I dont get why people judge you . im starting to think my only other option is to just end it . i know its completely selfish , but then i guess im a selfish twat . because im "annoying, fat, emo, goth, ugly" just because im not afraid to be myself .. I sit in my room not knowing what to do .. and this is supposed to be a safe enviorment but i get made fun of on here too .. i dont know what to do . I guess im just a waste of space and not needed anywhere . I may have stopped a few from suicide . But thats nothing specail . there is no reason for me to live , im just taking up space and there are millions of people out in the world , why should I be taking up THEIR space ? I dont want to talk to a therapist . all i want is help . i want to stop thinking these thoughts . im a quiet girl with a lot to say . help me .?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Confused and lost </3 - February 24th 2012, 10:49 PM

I will not make fun of you you can talk to me when ever {: First your mom did not die and you almost lost her so now you must know how much life is so prescious. Instead of being sad hang out with your mom more make memories with her before its tooo late. Im sorry to hear about your grandma death is always hard. Instead of beign sad get up and get motivated. Hang out with your grandma tooo make memories with her before she dies. Your grandma is not dead yet so dont act like she is. Spend time with her take pictures. Ask her storys about when she was little.

Im sorry but I really think you need to talk to a therapist. I know you dont want to talk to a therapist and there can be really mean un carring ones. But you can find a therapist that truley cares if you dont like the first one you see you can always switch. I think you need to see a therapist because your therapist can be your support system. Right now your going through a lot your mom almost dieing, your grandma sick, cutting, self esteem issues and depression. You need to find a therapist to just have a place you can go to every week to work through all this and just get it out and let th ehterapist support you through all this. Also they can help you with not cutting yourself. I AM SO SURE ABOUT THIS IF YOU HAVE A THERAPIST YOU WONT FEEL ALONE SHE WILL HELP YOU THROUGH THIS HARD TIME BE THERE FOR YOU THROUGH ALL OF THIS.

Just because some one says your fat does NOT mean your fat. Do you think your fat if you dont then your not fat who cares what they say. You are something special because god made you just right pefect just the way you are. You really should try to stop cutting you cut to keep every thing inside and thats not good. You need to talk talk to your mom on how you feel instead of cutting write in a journal your thougths the bad the good. Talk to a therapist say mom Im going through a lot and just think I need some help can I please see a therapist. You can email me when ever Im here for you. chrissey30@ymail.com Hope this helps and you feel better. There is hope out there and your worth fighting for towriteloveonyourarms so stand up tall and dont let those bullys tear you down because your beautiful and WORTH IT.
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Re: Confused and lost </3 - February 25th 2012, 12:08 AM

Babe, the only way you are gonna get the help you need is if you talk to a therapist. I know you don't want to, but its really the only way. Any other person could not help you as much as a professional. I know, going to one can be scary. But you get used to it after a while. You don't ever have to say anything you don't want to. And its purely confidential. But yes, you def. need to see one if you are at this stage of depression. Those people at school that talk about you, they don't know what they are talking about. Don't pay them any mind. In the grand scheme of things, they don't matter. People can be pretty evil, but you don't have to believe them. They want you to get upset, thats why they say that stuff. You ARE meant to live Ellie. Live for your family, live for yourself. You won't feel this way in 5 years. Maybe not even next year. So why throw all your future years away?


   
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Re: Confused and lost </3 - February 25th 2012, 06:19 AM

First of all, saving people from suicide is very admirable. Don't look at it like it's nothing, because it isn't.

You say you want help, right? Then you should see your therapist, or start seeing one. We can only do so much, while somebody there with you who is a professional can do so much more. I really urge you to see somebody, you sound like you're getting pretty bad.

Don't think about what the other people say, they don't know what you've gone through. Most of them are probably insensitive jerks, jealous, or maybe they have problems themselves. It wouldn't hurt to try to talk to your school counselor or parents about the bullying. Maybe you could talk to the kids and sort it out with their help. Just an idea.

Your only option is not suicide. People really get broken up by it, by any death. You saw/are seeing that with your mother and grandmother, except they didn't actually die, thank goodness. Nobody is just "taking up space." Everybody has something to offer to the world. Give the world a chance to see how great you are, you won't regret it.

As always, my inbox is always open. Hang in there.


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