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i need help soontime before it gets worse :( - February 24th 2012, 11:42 PM

my life is fucked up completely. every since i was in my fucking moms stomach it's been fucked. for all iknow she was shooting up working her job at a strip club. My dad's fucked up too and i haven't lived with him or my mom for like 10 years. Everywhere i look in my life i see negatives. i have no motivation but to smoke pot. thats all i fucking do. every day way over half the shit i talk about is all drugs related or alcohol. All my plans revolve around weed. no weed= nothing else to do. If i don't have it i steal from my parents. I smoke atleast 3-4 times a day every day. Without it my brain goes all fucked up and i feel like just telling everyone to go fuck themselves. My grades are fucked. i have no motivation in school and do nothing in most classes. Like i don't even know where to start this is all so mixed up but like theres just so much shit and i can't fuckin handle it anymore. I didn't think you could be this fucked over weed. but thats my entire life. and i can't find a way to get out. my brain just loves it and i don't even believe that i can quit, but i think it's alot of the tabacco and shit i'd smoke with weed. But anyway's that's not all of it. i live with my grandparents and they hate me and think i'm a complete fucking crack addict. i get in fights all the fucking time with them. My father lives in the ghetto of my town and he's pretty much drunk all the time. I started going there a bit ago visiting and shit. Now i go a few times a week and i don't want to, but i can't just tell me dad i fucking resent him and everything my mom did to put me in this situation. They made the first 12 years of my life full of drugs alcohol fighting and a 1000 fucked up memories. My dad also has aids thought i'd say. so for all i know he's dead in later years. I haven't even seen my mom in 6 years. My grand parents are 94 and 86, and even they admit there times short all the time. I'm losing friends quickly and don't feel like i even talk to girls anymore. just the same guys drinking smoking weed and other shit. My old girlfriend that fucked me over completely and hurt me pretty bad. for some reason i can't even get over her and i always think about her. Now she wishes she didn't fuck me ove rbut i know if i go back it won't work because i just don't trust her at all. I don't feel like i have any true friends, maybe like 1-2 but i hang around people that probably talk shit about me anyway's . I've completely lost all confidence, got all quiet and anti social and spend more time alone then i used to. I feel like over the passed months i've transformed into a different person, and i want to go back to the old me and it bothers me. But time's passing so fast and every week that goes by i'm the same stoner wasting all his time parents money and future, and i feel like i can't get out. I have 2 people i talk to. The school counciler that kinda helps me. And the fucking Drug counciler the school assigned to me without even asking my parents, and i just don't like him at all and lie to him about half the shit i say. About 2 months ago i was caught stealing my grandparents car by the police. My parents bring it up all the time and won't let me put it behind me. I have to see lawyer to even see if i can get my licence this year. And i need a job to pay for my parents $325 fine for driving without a licence. But i never find time to even get a resume. i just fucking hate life and honestly think about suicide and not being born at all. All i've dealt with is fucked up shit , and i know it's not getting any better any time soon. Even my parents say i'm exactly like my mom. And she was a fucking stripper, alcoholic, crack head, and was even on the street at age 15. my parents even met in rehab.. But so far i feel like i have no hope and probably just going to be as bad as they were and don't think i have anyway of getting out of this all anytime soon. i need help, i need a friend i can talk to . but no one seems to care about me anymore. even my family kindof feels like i'm fucked. Me and my brother, he's 20 and already gone through tons of drugs and all that shit and is just as fucked as my dad was.. funnny part is my parents always say shit about me being weird and fucked but when i've always been more accepted then his faggot ass. He was just the same druggie. but no they love him and if i mention him and drugs they yell at me and call me a lier. even though one time last year i found jell capsuls with like white powder in them. and then another 500 empty capsols. And tons of weed. he was apparently a giant drug dealer, and even one of my friends rents found out and told his son i'm a bad influence and he doesn't want me and his son being together making the same mistakes my brother did. But it seems like i'm heading towards that direction anyways but yeah i just want a friend to talk to, i have no one. i need someone to help me please
   
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Re: i need help soontime before it gets worse :( - February 25th 2012, 12:02 AM

Okay, starting off here. If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything or just want a new friend, im here. I don't know how much I will be able to help, but I will try to the best of my abilities. And I like having new friends so thats always good=)

Now for everything else. From reading that, I got that your main problem that is REALLY messing your life up, wether you know this or not, is the pot and other drugs. You are heavily addicted to it by the sounds of it and obviously thats not good. You need to come off of it. Not gonna lie, if you do try to come off it, it will be very hard. Maybe even the hardest thing you'll ever do. Its a serious addiction. But with help and support, I think you can. And the sooner you start, the better. I think its the source of a lot of your problems. A lot of the negativity, depression, doing not great in school, not thinking straight, all that stems from the drug. Without it, you'll be better off. You gotta find a healthier way to cope with stuff. There ARE other ways. If you keep on doing the pot and drinking, you will prob die very young. Drugs kill people all the time. Its harsh, but its reality. You can also end up in jail for a lot of your life and that isn't worth it ether. And I don't want to see that happen to you. You deserve better than that. If your grandparents say you are getting to be like your mom, don't let yourself become like your mom. Don't take that road. Fix yourself up before you become that in later years. Show them you can be different. I'm really glad you are seeing the school counceler, sorry the drug one isn't helping. I think you should get your grandparents to find you a drug therapist outside of school that you are able to go to. I think it may help you more than the school ones. The school ones are okay but they don't do as much as normal ones. Anyways, I have a lot of faith in you. I know you can do this. And the fact that you WANT to get better, thats an awesome sign. I'm very glad about that. Keep trying.


   
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Re: i need help soontime before it gets worse :( - February 25th 2012, 12:14 AM

well my grandparents told me i had the exact same personality as her. and apparently that's bad. they said that most of your personality is made up from the first 3 years of your life, so I'm exactly like her she said. which honestly hurt pretty bad considering how fucked she was :\ but no my parents think i quit, they're just fucking assholes. they went to my school and said i was getting violent, and they didn't even believe her because i explained to the counciler how she's honestly warped, and my cousin backed me up on that one ( one of the teachers). But it's just retardedly hard when i'd have no friends without it.a nd i'd sit at home all day without doing it. but theres a small group of kids that do not smoke marijuana. And i'm sorry if i made it sound worse, but the only things i've done is marijuana alcohol ciggerettes salvia . no one else in my school does hardcore shit. it's just 90% of it smokes weed. So it's insanely hard to quit when it's being done infront of you all the time, and it's one of my towns favourite passtimes.. ( my town was voted to be the biggest town for weed in ontario in hightimes). but yeah that's why it's so hard, and i can't not do anything! i need to be out of the house at all times it feels. without friends i'd be nothing. but i feel like the good ones are getting lost, even though they're all still my friends we just don't hangout as much, and i only hangout with like 6 other kids lately. I just want to keep doing it but slow down. i've proven to myself when done responsibly, it's ok. And i did that for a complete year, without getting addicted. it was just when i started smoking ciggerettes with weed, and when all this stress came back to me it's all i live for it seems. i feel like to go back to that i need to take a break and find new friends , but it's just not happening. it's all just thoughts in my head. (PS my grandfather thinks i'm fucked up on drugs, my grandmother THOUGHT i quit for a while, but found a grinder the other day ) but even without weed in the situation it's all fights between us.
   
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Re: i need help soontime before it gets worse :( - February 25th 2012, 12:19 AM

Well, weed is never good. There's no "taking it responsibly". Its all bad period. So my biggest piece of advice to you, is to find a way to quit. Just because other people do it, does not mean you have to. You can be the bigger person and not do it. And personally, nobody can be like someone else. They aren't that person. They are their own person. But what I meant was don't be like your mom, I meant don't make the same choices she did. And I do think your capable of stopping yourself from doing that. It will just take a lot of work. And its alright if you need to be out of the house a lot. Thats fine. Its a distraction. I don't like being home that much ether because it gives me too much time to get anxious or feel low. I do better when i'm out doing other things.


   
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Re: i need help soontime before it gets worse :( - February 25th 2012, 12:20 AM

thinking i feel like from early spring last year, all the way to january i was at my prime. I had no stress, felt amazing, made so many new friends and life was fucking awesome! but now the stress has come back from all the early years of my life, my parents started fighting with me wanting to kick me out cause of fights and blah. and losing my girlfriend and all these friends with it's adding so much stress. like i think when all this came back that's when i went to weed. i just want to find out how to lose all the stress and be happy again. when i'm not happy i do not give a fuck about anything. And lately i'm always unhappy, i don't even smile anymore but no honestly. i smoke weed for a year, and i could stop at any time . Didn't spend alot of money on it, and was really happy. I smokeda few times a week, but it never was out of hand. It was just with all the stress it become out of hand, and all i did was smoke to forget it all. I know it's not making me better, but it's fun and personally don't think it is a problem when used responisbly, considering how many successful people smoke weed. Just i'm smoking it for the wrong reason lately i think. It shouldn't be used to forget all my passed because that's what's taking me down and making me dependant on it. Back when i had all the fun doing it , it would get boring and i'd quit all the time. But i just don't see it being a good thing like you said because all this depression will always be apart of my life because my parents. So maybe just quitting everything will be a good idea.

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Re: i need help soontime before it gets worse :( - February 25th 2012, 12:29 AM

Well, i'm telling ya now, the weed isn't helping with that. There are other ways to cope with stuff. Just keeping busy is a good thing. Read, play video games, write, excersise, do hobbies, just keep busy. Don't give yourself time to think about the sad stuff. You'll make new friends dude. You won't feel this way forever.


   
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Re: i need help soontime before it gets worse :( - February 25th 2012, 04:18 AM

I agree that it sounds like your main problem is the drugs and alcholohol... If u found a way to quit or at least start reducing maybe some of your other problems will go away... I use o have friends as well but than. Started cutting and they all kinda disappeared, so I kow what thats like... If u wanna talk more pm me
   
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