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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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vikibear3002 Offline
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Name: Victoria V.
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

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Join Date: February 26th 2012

Unhappy Just Want Some Help... - February 26th 2012, 03:45 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I try my best to be happy, or at least seem happy. It's funny how many people I fool into thinking I'm happy, when really, I just wish I could just end everything and start over. I just hate my life. I try my best to be as nice as possible to people, but yet I always get hurt. Ever since I lost my mom when I was 8, I've sort have isolated myself from the world, including my family. Before she died, I was a very outgoing, energized girl, but now I'm rarely even capable of talking to my family. I have major issues with telling people how I really feel face-to-face. For a long while, I couldn't even tell people how I felt by text. I just feel so useless and stupid.
Awhile after my mom died, my dad was already engaged to another woman. I was okay with it at first until we moved in with her. She started abusing me. Not not physically, but mentally. She ground me for things other people did all the time. Also, she isolated me from talking with my family. At the point in my life, when I did get to see my family, I still would talk around them but not feel as comfortable as I use too. About a year later she died. I feel horrible now because I was glad at the time she died... That makes me feel like a horrible person...
A few months later my dad had already engaged a new woman. This woman treated me like a princess, until we moved in. Just like before I was mentally abused which then led to social, and very little physical abuse... From that point on my life had changed completely. I couldn't even speak to my family...
After a few years my dad finally said he had enough so we moved in with my brother. Well that didn't last long at all. On my birthday, my dad told me he was going on a date with some girl he met on the internet. The next morning my dad still wasn't home. I finally texted him and he told me he slept over at her house. I found that a little weird but went along with it. Well after a week he still wasn't home. He wouldn't answer my calls or text me back. I knew something was wrong. Well my brother finally told me he had left and gotten back with my step-mom...
That was the second most hardest thing I went through because he never called or texted or visited me. Well finally we are talking and stuff again but kills me to visit him... It's sort of a good thing he got me out of there and left me because now I'm a little bit more comfortable talking to my family. But yet when it comes to school... Almost everyone finds me weird...
You see, I've been to about 10 different schools. Each new school I went to, I've became more and more shy... People find me very weird because I'm so shy... It really sucks...
People are starting a lot of rumors about me... Apparently I'm pregnant because I'm very fat.... I don't even think I'm that fat... I'm actually right on the mark of how much I should weigh because of my age and height... But yet they still call me fat and it really hurts me... Sometimes I attempt not to eat but then I talk myself into thinking I'm not fat...
Also a lot of people call me a whore... I've only dated three people since I've been to this school (2nd year). Also I've never had sex in my life.. I'm actually afraid to have sex... I just don't understand why people start these rumors about me... It makes me want to die....
Um also in the last three years both my grandmothers passed away, one grandfather, a aunt, and a uncle...
I just don't know what to do anymore... I really just want to end my life... I'm sorry everyone, I know that my message is a little jumbled...
   
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Re: Just Want Some Help... - February 27th 2012, 02:24 AM

Hey Victoria,
I'm sorry you've been through so much. I can't imagine how hard things have been for you. So much abuse and deaths you should be proud of yourself for being able to reach out to us here. High school is definitely hard with all the rumors and fake people. So you should know you aren't alone. Have you spoke to anyone at your school about these things. I mean I can tell you to try and ignore the rumors and try to make the best of things but I know it's easier said then done. Sometimes it may seem impossible but if you are able to form a relationship with someone you can trust it takes a lot off yourself and definitely helps you feel like you aren't alone. Since you're only 15 you really don't have to worry about sex and relationships. It will come when the right time comes, right now it seems it may be more important to focus on the more important things you are dealing with. Again, you should be proud of yourself for asking for help and I'm always here to talk if you need it.
Alessa


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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