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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Hiraeth Offline
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I'm so tired and angry and __________ - February 27th 2012, 04:25 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Just taking a rant-break. Then going back to pulling my first of two all nighters in a row catching up on a month's worth of readings because for a whole month I was too depressed to do absolutely anything. And now I have two midterms that I have to hold myself accountable for.

I don't know what kind of response I am looking for. I feel rather sick of reaching out to people and continuously reminding of them of how much of a mess I am. My thinking is that if I'm going to keep talking about wanting to give up despite what everyone is doing to support me then I should just shut the hell up and do it and not tell anyone and not bother anyone because there isn't any point in continuing to do so.

Every day is a struggle. Every thing that I touch turns into ashes no matter how beautiful and solid it appeared at first. That is what it seems. Everything becomes tainted by my own hated energy. Maybe I just want someone to acknowledge that; acknowledge how difficult it is for me to wake up every morning, how difficult it is to get through the day, how difficult it is to actually attempt to do something functional - like not failing school. I want someone to acknowledge that I am scared of myself and I feel like I'm hanging from a thread and that I never know if tomorrow will be the last. I want someone to acknowledge that I'm not okay. No matter how hard I try to present or even genuinely try to be okay, I'm not.

I wish there was a magical being somewhere that can save me from myself, but there isn't. I wish I could go back to before everything fell apart, but I can't. I wish I can just turn on the TV and lose myself in some random pointless distraction just so I can feel okay for a while, but I can't bring myself to. I have been running away from my pain for so long and finally it slapped me in the face and said that I can't any longer. I'm trying to embrace it and make space for it and give it love and compassion, but most of the time I just want everything to stop. Most of the time I can't see a point to the struggle and just want to give up, or give in, something like that.

Thanks for reading....


"If limitations exist, it is because we have erased the possibility of potential."

Feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.
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xxprincessxx Offline
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Re: I'm so tired and angry and __________ - February 27th 2012, 04:46 PM

Hey,

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way but when I was reading this I swore it could have been something I wrote. I feel the exact same way. So, you're not alone in any of this.

As for advice on what to do, I can at least attempt to tell you what I do that gets me through and hope that it helps. I know the feeling of not wanting to do anything, specifically school work. I have to make myself do it too and I know how hard it can be. If you're falling behind would it be possible to speak with your teacher/professor about it? A lot of times they will give you a break if they know that you are struggling with something. You don't have to tell them what exactly, but just let them know.

Don't shut up and shut people out of your life! I know that it seems like it would be the best idea at the moment, but trust me it's not. At this point in your life is when you need somebody to talk too the most and be there for you! Surround yourself by people who love you. I find, for me that if I'm hanging out with friends, just watching a movie or whatever I don't feel as bad and I can get through the day better if I am around people! So just try and be around friends. And when you have to be alone, try and distract yourself by doing something you enjoy, reading, writing, listening to music, whatever!

I really think that it would be helpful if you talked to somebody about this, such a therapist! They can do so much good for you if you let them! I know how hard that can be as well! But maybe you should look into it!

If you ever want somebody to talk, feel free to PM me at anytime! ( :


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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Re: I'm so tired and angry and __________ - March 2nd 2012, 05:34 PM

There is no way you'll ever be alone in this. So many other people know what you're going through, and so many people are willing to help you if you reach out to them. Don't let it get worse. And you may think it can't, but lets not take that chance.
Reach out darling.
Talk to me anytime :3
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