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bexxii Offline
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Name: Bex
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Question I need some advice; crying nightly etc. - February 29th 2012, 09:36 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

The way I am really confuses me.

At school I talk a LOT, maybe more than people would like me to, and I'm always aiming to be happy. Sometimes I feel like people are ignoring me but I try and fit in anyway.

However when I'm at home (this is more from about 10pm onwards) I cry pretty much every night. I think about all of the things that are wrong or have gone wrong including:

  • My mum nearly died in August 2010. I have no dad either.
  • My 'friends' are always excluding me. Whether it is because I'm too loud I don't know. They have 15 person parties that I never get invited to.
  • My family are always picking up on things I do wrong. Even if for a teenager they're fine. In fact, I'm a pretty innocent teenager.
  • Also my family are too overprotective. Most people my age are able to go where they want without being questioned so much (obviously within reason)... I went to town the other day and my grandad had a massive go at me because he didn't realise I hadn't told my mum exactly where I was going and what time I would be back. I'm of sixth form age - its a bit stupid now!
  • Relating to the second point - I always sit and think how I am wrong and how I need to change myself to fit in. I know the cliche advice of 'you shouldn't change for anyone' but in my case, its the best way forward.
  • I'm on a diet which isn't really going fast enough for my liking. I'm overweight. By a lot. (I'm not a size 8 that's claiming I'm too big... I'm a size 18.)
  • I'm failing school and I'm under SO MUCH pressure to get straight As. I'm getting Ds...
That's only the start of it. I've tried all sorts. I've tried poems, writing things down in books (eg. letters), self harming (I also did this 4 years back and still have the scars, it feels good but I don't want to add to the scars, idk anymore) and even contacting Childline 1-2-1. They said it might be good to contact the school counsellor to talk things through (by school I mean sixth form, same thing nowadays) but I'm too scared.



On the outside I look fine - I'm always laughing and smiling and things, and over the top happy, but half of it I think is a front, because inside everything is just so messed up.


What should I do? Should I take Childline's advice and speak to a counsellor? Should I speak to someone else? I can't trust a single friend; they've all betrayed my trust badly but I won't bore you with the details.
   
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will was here Offline
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Re: I need some advice; crying nightly etc. - February 29th 2012, 10:01 PM

You may just be a chemical thing going on. sometimes we cannot control our sudden flashes of sadness. but we can control how we cope. When you feel really upset why not go dance like a loon to Imogen Heap? or why not go outside and just look at the beautiful sunshine.

But if you are really out of it and you are so depressed you can't even open your eyes with out seeing rain clouds, that's when you need to keep busy. Or you might need to talk to a friend. Maybe to talk about your struggles or maybe just to goof off.

about your friends excluding you. they may just want only certain people to their parties it doesn't nessasaraly mean they hate you. You would know more than I would because you are there but I'm just giveing alternatives.

I'd say the only person we need in this world is ourselves but that's not true. we need other people to support us. we may always be there for ourselves but we may not be always happy because social interaction is like the oil adn greese in a machine. it can run without it but it will eventually eat it'self up after a while


flower
hello my heart where have you been
I missed you when you left
you ran away with that senseless boy
and left me dim and dry
like a faded flower in the mist

Come back my heart. you have a home here
In this place that is my soul
I want to feel like whole again. don't waste your time with him

Have faith my heart. You'll get a second chance
come back to me and you will not be alone
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
bexxii Offline
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Name: Bex
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Re: I need some advice; crying nightly etc. - March 1st 2012, 08:33 PM

The UK is gloomy. Very gloomy.
I don't think there's anyone I can talk to about things, its not like anyone would care.
And I want to be under that category of 'certain people' , I sit with them all the time and get background information on things they are into so that I can take an interest and know what they are talking about.

I feel so alone :/
   
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will was here Offline
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Re: I need some advice; crying nightly etc. - March 1st 2012, 08:58 PM

I'll be your friend bex!


flower
hello my heart where have you been
I missed you when you left
you ran away with that senseless boy
and left me dim and dry
like a faded flower in the mist

Come back my heart. you have a home here
In this place that is my soul
I want to feel like whole again. don't waste your time with him

Have faith my heart. You'll get a second chance
come back to me and you will not be alone
  Send a message via AIM to will was here  
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