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sweetman16 Offline
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Depressed at home everyday. - March 7th 2012, 12:25 AM

Everyday of my life i'm dealing with things ruining my day, and making me depressed all the time. I can't concentrate in school, i'm not as social anymore and i'm unstable. today for example i just broke down completely, i don't think i've cried that hard in years. And it just kept going and going, i honestly felt like i could cry forevery I need changes in my life, soon. Or it's just going to keep getting worse My grandparents are going completely senile and i've had to put up with it ever since i was around 13. (when we started fighting ). I love them, and i'd never hurt them. I'm thankful for them letting me live with them since like grade 1, and i'll never forget that. But now, they're actually getting out of hand. They yell at me for anything that's worth saying something about, it's so bad today i just brokedown under all this. I don't feel like i have a home. They hate me it seems and don't support me at all and think i'm fucked up on drugs and shit. My grandmothers a hoarder, and it got pretty severe. On two different occasions my family has cleaned out my entire apartment. The first time they did everything but my grandmothers room. Was alot of work. The second time, we filled up about 2 of those giant portable dumpsters. So for the longest time i didn't even have alot of places to sit. And obviously it bothered me, even though i just bottled iit up. My grandparents lie all the time too which is kindof rediculas. They fight with me over little things. I do my best to stay calm, but when it happens every day for 2 weeks it builds up my fusteration and makes me really depressed. And eventually i'll blow up. sometimes with words, sometimes i'll break something. I really hate this part about myself. And i want to change it. But honestly it's so hard to keep fighting without it all coming out one day. So yea, I'm not insanely bad. I'll fight with them, say things and stuff. But i'll never be able to hurt them. Like my grandfather is 94, he's hit me , and wanted to do it again one day after my parents threatning to call the cops saying i was yelling, even though i was just using a voice to try to get my point across. I was raising it, but i wasn't yelling. So when they tried to call the cops, which they always say i just told them do it, honestly i'm not doing anything wrong and i want help with this. So my grandfather comes up to my acting all tough, and i walked away and said "i'm not going to do this. You already hit me once, and even if you did again i'm not going to fight back, i'm not a coked up crackhead like you think i am " And he responds " Yeah you are". And after that i went to my room, and threw a little sculpture type thing at the floor in anger. I felt bad about doing it, but i just couldn't stop myself . then i just brokedown and cried because i couldn't believe my grandfather would say yes i am. And it kindof hit home on me, because my parents were coked up crackheads pretty much. And i don't ever want to be that way. But anyway, like i said they lie. They told my cousin , that i threw it at my grandmother. When i actually threw it directly at the floor. Like i said i had no intention of hurting them in anyway. But they still decided to tell my family that. That's not the only thing , there's been many other times where they change my story around to make me look like a really bad person. And it bothers me, when i atleast try to tell the truthful story and they're telling my friends parents that i'm a messed up kid destroying the house abusing my grandparents. She likes to tell me i bully her, even though the majority of my fights i just try to stay calm. But then i admit, i do raise my voice and get excited sometimes and get mad. But it's not really bad. So when my family hears these things they don't believe them. Because they already know that they're really going crazy, and none of my family likes to accoiate with them because all they do is start shit. Just like me, they dealt with it long enough they're done with my grandmother. My grandfather is different, i still love him and my family does still like him alot too. He's 94 so i mean it's understandable when he's just an angry old man yelling alot. So i just bottle that up and let it go because i'm not going to make the last years of his life hell. But my grandmother is 85, and has way more control on herself them him. But she's still losing it faster it seems, starting fights and talking shit about me all the time and pretty much hating me. So today after i broke down i talked to the counciler and she's going to have a meeting with my family and see if i can move away, because she also thinks there's no choice but to leave them. I'm kindof scared because i don't even know if i'd have enough money to afford a decent house. But How much do you get from Ontario works, living on your own as a 16 year old highschool student, without employment in a town were a job is almost impossible to find? And how hard will it be , like i really am thankful for where i live now. It's just i feel it's impossible to stay where i can't be myself, and i'm constently getting yelled at, never get supported in anything, get trash talked ( they talk about me and usually i hear , and they always say shit) But if i have to live in like a really bad spot in my town, i feel like i'd be taking a step back and moving wouldn't help. So does anyone have like experience about this that can talk me through it? thanks
   
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Re: Depressed at home everyday. - March 7th 2012, 12:35 AM

Hi Charles,

It's clear you're in a lot of pain here and in a tough spot. Let's see what we can do.

There's a real inconsistency btw'n the stuff that goes on btw'n you and your grandparents and your screen name. The goal here clearly is for them to experience that part of you. They do not seem to understand the source of your frustration and upset. That is your task here.

You express yourself very reasonably, and your actions seem in response to your feelings..not like you're out of control or a 'bad kid'. So, my recommendation to you is to use the counselor at school to try to help you discuss with them everything you've said here and see if the presence of another adult can help you show the screen name side of yourself. And help your grandparents appreciate your feelings and subsequent behaviors in a different way.

You didn't mention why you;re not living with your folks, but as bad as it might seem with your grands, it can get much worse, and the idea of a 15 year old living independently is not really an option, so try to wind this one back a bit with the help of the counselor.
   
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Re: Depressed at home everyday. - March 7th 2012, 12:57 AM

I'm sorry, I'm just really bad at wording all this, but i'll try to do a better job. Butwell that's not really the issue. I've learned to deal with stress in my own way, and i know my life will always be full of it. Just from my child hood i could write 5 pages on everything that i've witnessed, and how my parents acted and so on . A few years ago i started realising how messed up everything in my life was. My marks reflected it forsure, because the teacher knew something was really bothering me. I was really depressed , would hardly talk to my friends and would zoneout and think about it. It was kindof hard not too. But making this shorter.. In the end i learned from it all and i got better. I felt better about my self then ever before , and life seemed good besides a few things like breakups with girls and stuff, but that's just life i guess. But anyway's, i've gotten easyily into like 500 fights. And when i'm trying to explain it all in typing it's alot harder because i jump from one thing to another because they're is so much to tell you about . But honestly, like i don't want to seem like I'm making my side sound better. I understand that I'm bound to fight with them time to time. I understand that making the wrong decisions will make them mad at me. I accept this . But when we get into fights? It's over completely stupid things. Tonight for example. I got home from school, was exhausted and didn't feel like doing anything tonight so i slept. I woke up to them being mad about it. I walk into the kitchen to get a glass of milk. My grandfather yells at me, " I JUST CLEANED THE DISHES" . I just ignored it, but he just got mad over it. So i put the glass away and didn't bother with it and got a juice box lmao. But this is just an example, imagine little fights like these, with them yelling at me just on a daily basis more then one times a day. My grandparents don't usually have alot of food and i'm hungry alot. They have things, but they're honestly just old people food. Like it's really hard to find anything decent to eat, and alot of it they don't store right and it all goes bad so i stay away from things like that. They kindof expect me to cook for myself all the time and stuff like that. And then when i say i can't find food they'll get REALLYY mad. I said the other day i couldn't find anything, and she just started yelling getting mad. And i stayed calm because i was about to go out with friends that just got there, and because it was a dumb fight. But like i said i stayed calm and left it. She did get really mad though ofcourse, told my friend that theres a surpise for me if i keep acting like this. She's always saying things like this making me seem really bad to my friends. But it's really funny, because they all see how my grandparents treat me. So they know that alot of the time it's them. But then when i have a friend that doesn't know anything and comes by for the first time. My grandmother will tell him this stuff and explain it all to them, and make me seem pretty evil tbh. Saying i bully her, and stuff like that. When i honestly don't, i treat them as well as any other kid treats there parents. I don't start fights all the time about stupid things, i clean my room and do chores do there laundry, make food sometimes and stuff like that. But when they're always looking for a fight it's hard to feel good about myself. For a while i started beliveing them about how bad i was. But then my family kindof stepped in, talked to me and they knew already that it was going badly, and kindof said i NEEDED to get out of there. I hope this gives you a better outlook on things going on though. And btw i do talk to the counciler atleast once a week. And i have 2 cousins that are teachers at my school. ( my cousin tells the counciler if there is a problem with my grandparents or something ). Like for example , when my grandmother told my cousin that i threw something at her, it got to my counciler and she asked me about it. And i honestly just was shocked, because i've never done anything to harm them physicly, and never will. But once i found out about them saying that, when it wasn't true. It set something off in me, and was kindof the icing on the cake with this all, and i just brokedown. So that's why I'm even considering this all, because after explaining everything to my counciler she agrees that moving should be a very serious approach to this, because i need to leave soon. i can't deal witht hem anymore, they just bring me down as much as they can everyday, and it's really taking a toll on my mental health, Like being always depressed and stuff like that. And btw i do have family help, like My uncle is part of the city council, head of hockey in my area, and owns an insurance business, i have about 6-8 teachers in my family , and everyone is just pretty much ontrack. So like they will be there for me, and if i need anything they will help me out as best as they can. (btw my parents we're completely oppisite then the rest of my family)
   
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Re: Depressed at home everyday. - March 7th 2012, 01:06 AM

And yes, we try getting these things out. But being older, they don't understand and don't think they ever will. They raised there kids about 40 years ago, so it's alot different now. And when i try to explain, because they ask me whats wrong they put there opinions on it, and just kindof make me feel worse about everything. They don't help my problems, they flame it. Like the time i threw the thing on the ground? It's because i tried explaining my problems and how like my grandparents never give good advice, so i talk to my friends, and my counciler about these things instead of my grandparents, they got mad said i was yelling and said they would call the cops. ( one time they said they would call the cops because i said the freezer was overfilled, without eve yelling ). But yeah that's why i can't get anything across with them, because they are not very understanding people. And they're really judgemental, and a type of my opinions always right kind of person.
   
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Re: Depressed at home everyday. - March 7th 2012, 02:30 AM

Charles, I do understand this, I apologize if I'm unable to convey that to you.

There's been a lot that's happened...your living with them now attests to that. Typically, 15 + 93/85 isn't a good combo, it's done for other reasons. You haven't shared those, but my experience has been that aside from personality issues, people fight about 'Minor stuff' because thy cannot (or won't) talk about the real stuff. In your case, why you're living with them. I doubt this is something anyone really wants, right? It's necessity. But the emotions are still there, and maybe that's what's fueling their resentment?Have you all talked about that?

I still like my original suggestion, of involving your counselor to help you show your grands the other side here, as well as her acting as a mediator to help them understand you a bit. If that doesn't work, what about those other relatives, can you stay with them?
   
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Re: Depressed at home everyday. - March 9th 2012, 07:36 PM

Thanks nice tips...it will help me a lot
   
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Re: Depressed at home everyday. - March 10th 2012, 07:27 AM

Your worth more then what you have been given.
Alot of the time people, excpessially family dont realise how hard life is when you are going through that amount of pain. They often dont realise how much it is killing you, no only physically but mentally and emotionly.
You deserve the best and no one should be treated like that. Have you told someone about what they are doing to you?
Well if you ever want someone to talk to, dont be scared to message me
- Lauren


Lauren Mathews <3
   
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Re: Depressed at home everyday. - March 13th 2012, 01:08 PM

cheer up
   
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