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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 12th 2012, 01:36 PM

Because i changed medication last week it meant that i had alot of spare medication. About 90 tablets worth. Plus the ones im on now. But i chucked them away only a few hours ago to stop myself from overdosing. I wish i hadn't now.

I always feel awful on a monday because the people i do like go home early from college. Which means i am left with people who dont like me and are incredibly rude to me. Like they ignore me, speak over me, and most of the time dont even acknoledge i exist, they also sit with their backs to me and alsorts. I hate it but when ever i try and say something it never really comes out in a sentence that makes sense or lets them know what i really want to say. I feel like shit. There is one girl in particular who is rude to me and she behaves in such a way that MAKES the rest of the group follow suit. Her bf, i have known since i was 4, and im not even allowed to look at him let alone anything else because of her. But he cant see it, he's completely blind to it all, i swear.

All i really want to do is go up and punch her. As hard as possible. And i hope it hurts, as much as she has hurt me. In fact, i would love to completely beat her up until she is utterly scared of me. Its wierd though, im scared that i'll miss her if i punch her and like end up punching the air or something. I have like nightmares about this sort of thing all the time. About hitting my dad too.

And ive just smacked my head for the second time today ...

I wish i hadn't thrown out those meds now. But having said that i believe there are still some at home, because i used to take them out the packet and pop them all in a pot so it was easier to hide. There may be like 15/20 left?

Last edited by Gemma.; March 12th 2012 at 02:04 PM.
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 12th 2012, 10:08 PM

Honestly, hit her, it's way better than oding. You could always get her bf away for second and tell him all this.
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 13th 2012, 08:46 AM

I dont know anymore
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 13th 2012, 07:07 PM

Please HELP!
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 13th 2012, 09:04 PM

Hi Gemma.

Firstly it's great that you threw those pills it. It makes me believe that part of you really does want to get out of this alive.

It sounds like things are rather rough for you at college. Have you tried talking to your college tutor about what's going on? It might help for you to do so even if it's just to talk and for you to have support while you're in college. I know how horrible it can be to be in college all week and feel alone, cut of from everyone else etc. It is horrible and it's understandable that it's getting you down. If you want to study at college, you're going to have to face it, try and make it better or ways to manage with it in healthy ways. Can you try and socilise with different people in your classes? Or maybe see if there are any social activities/groups on at lunch time to try and meet different people and make new friends?

All I know for sure is that it isn't going to be this way forever. I know it's feel hard right now and at times you probably think that it's not going to get any better, but it is. It really is and you can do this. Don't make this the end for you because you my friend, have your whole life ahead of. Your life is worth it, your life is precious and you don't deserve to kill yourself or overdose or hurt yourself in any way, because of the stress of these people at college. It isn't worth your life. You're worth this. Don't let this be the death of you. You're too young to let your life end so keep fighting it. Don't be on your own either, if you need someone, go to them, be open, be honest and let them help but keep yourself safe because you deserve a life and you deserve happiness and you shouldn't stop fighting until you get to where you want to be.

Hang in there and keep your chin up. You can do this,
Jessie


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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 14th 2012, 10:50 AM

Thankyou for replying to this i've sort of told college about whats happening, well i've said that things are hard, but even if i do tell the whole story it's not as if they could do anything to help. Lunchtime stuff could help but right now i don't want to be around people so it may have to wait awhile until i try it i think, i don't know :/
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 14th 2012, 06:53 PM

Hi there.

Your college might be able to help you. And even if they can't stop what is going on for you, they can be there to support you and listen to you when you need someone so you have someone to be there for you and so that you're not alone. A lot of the time, knowing that someone is there for us who cares can really help. It can be good to share problems and they might be able to give you advice on the situation.

If you think doing things at lunchtimes could help, then you should really try it. I know that when we feel low or upset we feel like we don't want to be around people, but sometimes we have to just put that aside because actually isolating ourselves when we feel low can make us feel worse (even though that's what we feel like doing) and getting out there, seeing people, socilising can make us feel better so it's really worth trying it.

Remember you're not alone and you can do this so don't give up,
Jessie


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Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 14th 2012, 09:19 PM

Thanks again, means alot I think i'll try and find the health and well being person tomorrow and just see what happens, but i think i'll show her what i wrote here rather than try explaining, reckon that will be okay?
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 14th 2012, 09:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemma. View Post
Thanks again, means alot I think i'll try and find the health and well being person tomorrow and just see what happens, but i think i'll show her what i wrote here rather than try explaining, reckon that will be okay?
Hi Gemma

You're more than welcome. I my friend, think that's a very good idea. Printing things like this of or writing things down can be a good way of telling someone something or expressing your thoughts and feelings!

I hope you manage to talk to them and it all goes well. You're more than welcome to shoot me a PM if you need anymore help or anything or just reply on here

Jessie


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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 14th 2012, 09:42 PM

I was right, you do give good advice and i will do thankyou
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 15th 2012, 09:03 PM

I have sent the health and well being person an email and included the post in it. I have a meeting with her tomorrow morning now. Not sure what will be discussed so im a bit nervous/worried.
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 15th 2012, 10:21 PM

Hi Gemma

I'm glad you emailed them. It's understandable that you're nervous. Fear can be a good thing, it's natural, so try and stay on top of it, stay in control and be honest, let them know what is going on, what is happening, how you're feeling and them in to help you through this because you don't have to be alone. They're there to help, so let them.

I hope that it goes okay. Keep us updated! And keep smiling. You're worth the fight and you can do this,

Jessie x


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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 16th 2012, 01:31 PM

It did go alright. As usual i found it really hard to explain things because i never have the right words!
She mentioned about telling my mum but i managed to hold her off. She asked me to text my counsellor and say i was with her and needed to bring forward my appointment to next week. Also, i have to make a docs appointment for sooner than the one i have already as it's at the end of the month.
From what she was saying, it was like she was really worried that i would kill myself and that what i wrote here was so wprrying to her. I dont feel it is. I dont know, it felt wierd, like she was over dramatic about it in some ways. But i guess thats just because i know no different and this is all normal to me? But i'm okay at the moment, and promised her that i wouldnt do anything over the weekend and then email her first thing monday morning to let her know how the weekend went I also threw away the rest of the medication i have as part of the agreement with her
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 17th 2012, 09:46 PM

Hi Gemma :-)

I am incredibly proud of you for taking the step and talking to people and actually putting advice in to action. It's great you spoke to college and that you have the support from them. When you email her after the weekend, could you ask to meet up again just for a chat? It might be good if you can start to build a relationship with her so that if you really need someone, you have her to turn too.

I also think it's more than great that you've gotten rid of the rest of your medication, that you've text your counselor and that you're going to make a sooner doctors appointments. In my eyes, you're taking some big but positive steps in the right direction and I think if you carry on doing so, stay determined and keep believing then you're going to get there.

We're always here. You're welcome to shoot me a PM anytime too. Just keep on working hard and look forward to your future, because you've got one my dear and everything is going to be just fine.

Keep smiling,
Jessie


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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 18th 2012, 11:13 AM

That actually made me smile alot :P thankyou
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 19th 2012, 12:49 PM

So. No doctors appointments available. Counsellor not replying. Health and wellbeing person not in college today. A couple in the friendship who can't keep their hands off each other. The guy i mentioned originally who has the gf who doesn't like me....she's not here but he's just reading. Trying to start conversations, not working. Friend was going to come in so i could talk to her, she overslept because her mum switched her alarm off thinking that because she was sick last night she would be having the day off. So she's not coming in now. Basically...Still lonley.
   
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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 19th 2012, 06:39 PM

Hey lovely.

Just try and focus on getting through the night, yeah? Distract yourself, watch films, do work, do some art, get a bath, go for a walk or a run, look after you. try your health and well being worker in college again tomorrow and see if they're in to talk too. Try your counselor again and try the doctors again.

You've got this, you can do it so don't give up. You're definitely not on your own in this,

Jessie


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Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: OD'ing and punching/ violence - March 20th 2012, 09:02 AM

I got through the night....well obviously as i'm posting now. Spent most of the evening on here and then went to bed early, well tried...bit difficult to sleep when there's slamming doors and shouting and what not hahaa
   
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