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Dedalus Offline
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Name: Joe
Age: 30
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Location: Dublin, Ireland

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Join Date: January 23rd 2010

when will it end? - March 13th 2012, 10:51 PM

My depression is growing. I've been rejected for two studentships at two universities, and though I have more that I've applied to the fact that I got rejected from the one that is the worst out of the lot isn't a good sign - and the studentships are very competitive anyway, so its likely that I won't be able to do a PhD next year.

Following the two rejections, I started applying for teaching assistant at some UK boarding schools. Because they're independent schools you don't need to be a qualified teacher and they take on quite a number of graduate students for a year to help teach and to organise extra-curricular activities. I got a rejection today from one of them - the one I really wanted, an all girls one (because I only want to teach at an all girls school, but have still put in applications to all boys and co-ed). I've got another one I'd like at another girls boarding school, but I'm worried about that and have till the end of May to apply. But there seem to be so few jobs of these kind out there and teaching is the thing I'd like to do if I need to take a year out of education. So I'm incredibly stressed about trying to find something to do - and other fields like journalism don't seem to be showing up much work.

So I just have this mounting pressure where I need to find some work that would be beneficial to pursuing a career rather than working minimum wage in McDonalds. And also something I'd look forward to going to in September rather than dreading finishing the degree and the work afterwards.

And life is shit in general. I've worked hard all year at my degree and seem to be getting no rewards. My social life is crap, I'm surrounded by people who aren't very nice and don't have the financial pressures I have who seem to be getting everything they want job and PhD offers-wise.

I thought I'd talk to a girl today in my Ancient Greek class who I thought liked me, and probably does. I don't even really find her that attractive, but I'm that bored with everything and just want something to happen I went up and said hello and it was incredibly awkward - mainly because she's shy and I had to stand there looking like a fucking idiot for a couple of minutes, before one of her friends appeared.

When do things get better? And the only way I can see things getting better is if I get an offer for something so that I have some financial security next year and a basis at which to build a career from, as well as meeting a nice girl and just generally having a nice life.

And there's nothing anyone can really say, but I've had all of this inside me for ages and would just love to lie down and die. But I can't because thats worse for everyone else and the only thing you can do in life is just carry on and bear the cross.
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Solivagant Offline
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Re: when will it end? - March 16th 2012, 06:40 PM

Hey Joe

I can't offer you any advice on your career since I don't know much about this stuff. But there is something that my mother tells me. If you work hard, then no matter what you will be able to do something or the other with your life. If you don't get a job in 10 places, then you will get it in the 11th place. You sound like a very dedicated person. In the end, you will be able to have a nice career. Even if it is not this year or the next, there is the year after it. I can promise you this, because you're dedicated and working hard towards this. Don't be disheartened because of the rejections. Make the rejections a positive force, work harder. Try to analyse what went wrong and how you can avoid that mistake next time.

Also, I'd like to encourage you to speak up more about the things that you've been keeping inside you. Its not very healthy to not talk about how you feel. Talking to someone about them or maybe writing them down is something that might help you a lot. Either way, you won't know till you try.

I hope that this helps you
Feel free to PM/VM me anytime.
Take care

"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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