TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Anonimous Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Anonimous's Avatar
 
Age: 24
Gender: Male

Posts: 47
Join Date: January 31st 2012

Getting closer. - March 15th 2012, 04:28 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey.

I am a 16 year-old boy.
Have been suicidal since i was 13-14.
And i might need help.
I do not have any big problems that make me want to kill myself.
I just see myself as unable to function in nowadays world.
Also i do not feel much compassion for anything, I'm a cold and bad person and i hate myself for it. For example today the girl i love a lot told me that her grandmother died(I don't hang around with that girl but we have small-talk in school, I blew my chance with her) But i just failed to show genuine compassion, Normally i can sort-of fake having compassion but i was like oh. And she didn't like that. Also i do react far less sad then other people when people die.

But my real problem is loneliness and my personality.
I'm a selfish bad guy, Even when i help people i do it because it makes me feel better. And i just suck at getting a girlfriend, The last sort-of girlfriend was the girl i previously mentioned. That relation ended up with me having 2 suicide attempts and lots of self-harm.
Now after 2-3 years after my first depression i feel that i'm suicidal again.
Because of my remorse of everything i have done and my loneliness and screwing up the only chance i had with that girl.
And now im getting closer to the actual point of doing it.
I ordered a gun from a friend of a friend's gun-dealer, Just to have a quick way out. I still need to wait a few weeks before i can get the gun.
I am not writing this because i want to live, I just feel so sorry for my parents wasting all that time on me. So it's kinda for them.

Any idea's to not have a horrible life and not killing myself?

Thanks in advance,
Anonymous.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Gemma. Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Gemma.'s Avatar
 
Name: Gemma
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 150
Blog Entries: 48
Join Date: January 9th 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 15th 2012, 08:33 PM

I think it's very likely that the girl you mentioned has gone interms of a relationship but i dont think there was anything wrong with your reaction. I mean, you could have laughed. You said 'oh' probably because you didnt know what to say..right? Im sure she knows that and if not it may be a good idea to just explain that to her. From reading that i don't think there is anything wrong with your personality. I think that commiting suicide could be another 'screw-up' in that you still have the chance to work things out. Everyone reacts to things differently and your coping methods are different to others'. This is normal. You need to forgive yourself and move on from all these things you believe you have done wrong. That is the first step.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Anonimous Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Anonimous's Avatar
 
Age: 24
Gender: Male

Posts: 47
Join Date: January 31st 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 15th 2012, 09:53 PM

Well she wasn't mad but she didn't look amused.
Yea i didn't know what to say, Im not that good at being friendly and caring.
Anyways that's not the only thing, I'm really a selfish guy.
I stole about 1000-2000 euro from my parents in about 2 years for weed.
I might have accidently blackmailed that girl with suicide a few years ago, But i really didn't mean to. It was a misunderstanding. I have beaten 20 people up in my life. I intimidated a weed-dealer to steal weed from him. I bullied a kid away from our school when i was 10, And bullied several other kids but not as severly. I stole a bike and the mother of the kid asked me if i saw a thief, I lied straight into her face. I threatened the principle of my grade school with a scissor. I threatened a guy of my age with a knife in high school. I got many more things like this, Just to give you an idea what i have done.
Would you be able to forgive yourself? I know i can't that easily.
I'm just very lonely. And i suck at being social, Even getting a job later is a huge issue for me.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Gemma. Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Gemma.'s Avatar
 
Name: Gemma
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 150
Blog Entries: 48
Join Date: January 9th 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 16th 2012, 01:26 PM

I think it's fair enough that you can't forgive yourself for those things. They are quite extreme. But in many ways it's so good that you feel remorse for what you have done! Maybe you should aim to make these things better? Get a job and aim to pay back your parents? Aim to help others to make up for what you did, because you could give a great insight into the eyes of a bully and help people understand why and how to stop it.
Im bad at social things but i put on a front for work. Its the best i can do. Its not great but it's just about enough to keep my job and for the moment thats good enough for me. But i have to say, all the time i spend going to work, makes me more sociable. Maybe you should at least try it. A paper round at the very least would start to bring in the money for a while and then you can work your way up
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Anonimous Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Anonimous's Avatar
 
Age: 24
Gender: Male

Posts: 47
Join Date: January 31st 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 17th 2012, 02:03 PM

Thanks for replying,
I'm quite anxious to get a job, And my parents don't allow it because i have to focus on school. And they don't know i stole that money from them. But i do help people that get bullied, But even when i tell them how to stand up to a bully they still are scared. So it ends up with me harrassing the bully untill he stops bullying. Well maybe if i move out and get a job i'll say i won a scratch card ticket and send them 2000 euro, If i didn't kill myself by then.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Gemma. Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Gemma.'s Avatar
 
Name: Gemma
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 150
Blog Entries: 48
Join Date: January 9th 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 17th 2012, 04:21 PM

I wouldnt suggest you move out. Because that will mean even more money that you'll need. But definitely getting a job would be a good idea an something to push for no matter how hard it may be.
They must have noticed that money has disappeared surely? Its a lot of money!
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Anonimous Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Anonimous's Avatar
 
Age: 24
Gender: Male

Posts: 47
Join Date: January 31st 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 18th 2012, 12:30 AM

I don't know, they never confronted me with that.
But the strange thing is, I don't feel guilty about that.
I know it must disgust you.. And my mom really is against me working right now. She really wants me to spend my time on school.
I'll pay them back as soon as i have a real job, But i don't know if i'll make it that far. I'm really just a horrible person.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Gemma. Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Gemma.'s Avatar
 
Name: Gemma
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 150
Blog Entries: 48
Join Date: January 9th 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 18th 2012, 11:17 AM

You will get that far. And no it doesn't disguist me, it's good in many ways that you find it strange, that shows you have feelings and care. Maybe then, spend time on school and just get some sort of paper round that will take only a few hours a week, it will be a huge start!
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Anonimous Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Anonimous's Avatar
 
Age: 24
Gender: Male

Posts: 47
Join Date: January 31st 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 18th 2012, 12:47 PM

Yes maybe you are right.. I'll just do my best on school and try to get some job later. Thanks for your help
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Gemma. Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Gemma.'s Avatar
 
Name: Gemma
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 150
Blog Entries: 48
Join Date: January 9th 2012

Re: Getting closer. - March 18th 2012, 01:25 PM

No worries, just keep going, it will get better
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
cuttergirl17 Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
cuttergirl17's Avatar
 
Name: No one
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: United states

Posts: 117
Join Date: November 13th 2011

Re: Getting closer. - March 19th 2012, 01:34 AM

I'm gonna use the line thats been used on me 1000 times... Suicide is a pernament solution to a tempory problem
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
closer

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.