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Hope121911 Offline
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Smile There is hope... - March 16th 2012, 06:34 AM

This is my first time posting so please forgive any errors . I wanted to post and tell a little of my story so far so it might help someone else going through something similar. This might be triggering for some people with anxiety and depression. I'm not quite sure.

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety my whole life. Growing up, I always thought there was something wrong with me or that I was a horrible person because I couldn't communicate very well with other kids, I couldn't talk without stuttering or shaking, I was very very easily embarrassed (everyone said I was just shy) and I was always in a mental fog. I had been dealing with these problems from age 2 to 16 when my mom's anxiety started coming back (her's is genetic). Before then I had no idea what anxiety was or that it even existed. In the process of helping her with her anxiety, I started to see a phycologist because my father is an alcoholic, was never really around when I was growing up, and is metally abusive. I was completely surprised when after the first meeting my psychologist said that she was very close to admitting me to a psychiatric facility for depression and anxiety.
After that, I still saw my psychologist but I was never really comfortable with her and I never felt like she was helping me. I eventually started my first job and the depression got a little better but the anxiety got worse. I started having horrible panic attacks at work, tension headaches and eventually migraines. I quit work and switched to a different psychologist who suggested that I see a phychiatrist. The psychiatrist told me that I have MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). By that point I fully realized that I had a problem but I didn't realize how bad it was.
The psychiatrist started me on 10mg Prozac and that helped a lot but still not enough so he bumped me up to 20mg. When the 20mg kicked in I started to realize that I had to reevaluate a lot of the things that I had told myself over the years. The mental fog lifted about 2/3 of the way, I have small anxiety and small depression. I have started being able to think about making friends for the first time in years and I can finally remember my day. It's even helped with little things like my fear of heights and my weird feelings when touching cotton balls . My mom says that I seem like a completely different person. Over the years she's always said that I was very lazy and I never wanted to do anything but she's finally coming to realize that it was the depression and that her problems could be a lot worse. I look forward to seeing people that I haven't talked to in a while because I keep thinking that they're really meeting me for the first time.

I'm going to be calling my psychiatrist soon to see if they can increase my Prozac (hopefully for the last time) and try to get rid of the rest of the symptoms.

The medication road may not be for everyone but I just wanted to let any of you out there know that there is still hope even if you have been suffering for a long time and there are people out there who will support you. I usually try to find someone who has had at least a small problem with anxiety or depression to help me because it's so much easier for them to understand and give advice.
If your having problems with school because of your illness, let them know... I try to stay in contact with my school as much as possible just to let them know how I'm doing and that I'm trying my hardest. I'm very behind but they are extremely patient with me.

So sorry this is so long but if anyone has anything to add or any questions please comment
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Re: There is hope... - March 16th 2012, 03:38 PM

Thanks for sharing this, it was very interesting to read. Sorry that you've had to go through all this, but it looks like you're handling it quite well though!
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Hope121911 Offline
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Re: There is hope... - March 16th 2012, 08:06 PM

Thanks. I try to stay as positive about it as I can. It really helps me to think about helping other people with the things that I've had to go through.
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Re: There is hope... - March 17th 2012, 03:11 AM

Thank you for sharing! This is really inspiring. Im glad you are feeling better and trying to think more positive.

From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How all my worst fears are letting out
He said, "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lumos. 
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Hope121911 Offline
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Re: There is hope... - March 17th 2012, 06:36 AM

Thanks. I really just wanna help someone out there with this. In my opinion one of the worst things about depression is how hopeless you feel.
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abusive father, alcoholic, alcoholic father, anti-depressants, anxiety, anxiety treatment, depression, depression treatment, gad, hope, lazy, longterm depression, mdd, mother with anxiety, prozac

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