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thisiscourtney Offline
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Confused about where to go - March 18th 2012, 11:53 PM

In August of last year my mom died from an accidental overdose. My support system consists of my two older sisters in California, my grandparents in Florida, and my dad in Italy. I had planned on transferring from my college in Florida to an American college in Italy, about a 3 hour flight from where my dad lives. But he also just got engaged to a woman in Florida, which is dumb because they've only known each other for about 3 months, and none of our family approves of her. I don't know if I'm just being a big brat or something, but I don't want to move to Italy if she's moving over there. He says he's not sure if she will yet and that they're deciding what to do this summer. I'm already struggling in school due to the depression all of these events have caused, and I'm not sure if going over there and living not only far from my dad, but extremely far from the rest of my family will just make things worse. Yes, yes I know. It's Italy. It's the chance of a lifetime. But it also feels like a chance that came at the wrong time. I feel so alienated from my dad at this point, and my sisters have offered me a room in the house they share, but it seems like moving to California would be taking the easy way out. I really just needed to vent, but thoughts/comments would be greatly appreciated.


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Re: Confused about where to go - March 19th 2012, 12:12 AM

Courtney, you're right that 'The chance of a lifetime' has to happen at the right time for it to be of any value. This might not be the time for an Italian adventure, primarily b/c that's not what you're going there for, it's not what you need. You need something much more basic.

You're still grieving, it's the process of losing someone, especially hard when it's a mom..and especially when it's so unexpected. I'm sorry, I know how awful you must feel. The goal now is to attend to that.

What you need is to work thru that grief. Being with family or your support system is part of that, which is why you see his fiance as an intrusion. I don't think this is 'Selfish'..it's natural to want family to soothe you when you're hurt. She's not family.

The other part of grief is treatment...getting some help and support to work thru it with a professional who understands and can guide you thru this difficult time. With that support, you might find more bandwidth and tolerance for other demanding things, like school or dad's fiance, etc. Is there a counseling center at school?


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Re: Confused about where to go - March 19th 2012, 07:28 PM

I go to counseling regularly but my next appointment isn't for about a month because there are no spots available.


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Re: Confused about where to go - March 19th 2012, 11:47 PM

Courtney, I suppose we all have our own definition of 'regularly', but when it comes to therapy..especially given the work here..once a month doesn't sound like it;s sufficient. Can you increase the frequency, or maybe see someone who can accommodate weekly therapy?


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