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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Ready to go.. - March 25th 2012, 10:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ive tried to kill myself 3 times, maybe even more than 3. But It's a shame those attempts never worked because unfortunately, I am still here. I'm still alive. It doesn't even feel like it. It doesn't feel like I am alive, because half the time my own heart beat is so faint I forget what "living" is. I feel dead and numb most of the time. I want to die so bad, but I don't know what it is that's stopping me from actually DYING. I'd go into detail what I've done, but what use is that going to do? That's only going to show how much of a failure I am with suicide - including everything else.



I'm trying to find a reason why I should stay alive. I can't find a single damn reason. I feel like I am being used by everyone. I feel like everyone plays me a fool and laughs at me. I feel lonely all the time. I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of losing the one I love, I'm scared of being controlled by my Mum, I'm scared of my alter ego - you know what? Forget that. I am scared of EVERYTHING. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up. No one would really care, would they? The people I went to school with wouldn't give a damn because they wanted me dead. The people I was friends with wouldn't care. Some members of my family wouldn't give a fuck. I'd be dead and that would be it. Gone. I'll just be remembered as the black sheep of the family. I'd be remembered as the girl who never spoke to people because she was scared. I'd just be laughed at even more.

ARGH! SOMEONE JUST TAKE IT AWAY.
   
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Re: Ready to go.. - March 25th 2012, 11:38 PM

Chaz
I'm sorry you've gone through all of that, it's terrible.

What about Alex? I'm sure that he would care, no matter what you say. People DO care. I'm not sure if you know, but a man named Peter committed suicide almost 2 months ago. Even people who didn't KNOW him were greatly affected by it. He felt close to the same way that you did. You don't have to die, you don't need to. Something is stopping you from doing it, and believe it or not, it's a good thing. You're stronger than this, Chaz.

I guess the point of this reply is to let you know that someone cares, that a lot of people would care. You aren't alone in this, no matter how you feel.
If you ever need to vent or anything, I'm just a few clicks away.


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I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater.

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Re: Ready to go.. - March 26th 2012, 04:13 PM

I care about you as well. We may not have talked yet but I would love to get to know you. Feel free to message me anytime. Hang in there hun. <3
   
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Re: Ready to go.. - March 27th 2012, 06:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoVeMeHaTeMeBeAutIfUlMe View Post
Chaz
I'm sorry you've gone through all of that, it's terrible.

What about Alex? I'm sure that he would care, no matter what you say. People DO care. I'm not sure if you know, but a man named Peter committed suicide almost 2 months ago. Even people who didn't KNOW him were greatly affected by it. He felt close to the same way that you did. You don't have to die, you don't need to. Something is stopping you from doing it, and believe it or not, it's a good thing. You're stronger than this, Chaz.

I guess the point of this reply is to let you know that someone cares, that a lot of people would care. You aren't alone in this, no matter how you feel.
If you ever need to vent or anything, I'm just a few clicks away.
Sometimes I think that I should shut up telling Alex everything because he has his own problems.
   
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Re: Ready to go.. - March 29th 2012, 03:02 AM

Everybody has their own problems, I think that's why most of us are here. We all want to help though, and Alex is no different. Besides, bottling up your emotions and feelings is only going to hurt you in the end.
He wants you to tell him things, I'm sure. I think you should do your best to listen to him and tell him what's going on with you.


1/7/12 - Live Help Operator | 1/25/14 - HelpLINK Mentor | 6/8/14 - Depression and Suicide Forum Moderator | 6/8/14 - Addictive Behaviors Forum Moderator | 1/11/14 - Videos Team Member | 4/11/15 - Senior Live Help Operator

I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater.

PM / VM




   
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