TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Pets Whether you prefer four-legged creatures, reptiles, or any animal in between, use this forum for any questions you have about your pets or pets you would like to have.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MsNobleEleanor Offline
Courting Chivalrous Fidelity

I can't get enough
*********
 
MsNobleEleanor's Avatar
 
Gender: Female
Location: Courting Our Devotion Syncing

Posts: 3,020
Blog Entries: 1440
Join Date: December 29th 2011

Addressing a concern with a trainer - April 28th 2017, 11:35 AM

This might be an obvious question but it is complex.

Currently, my dog sees a trainer privately and in a group setting.

The private training is for his guarding issue (guards food, turns aggressive) and I have been doing the lessons at home with him. I also showed my cousin some of them so she can also apply it. I am soon needing to make another appointment with the trainer.

The group training is for loose leash walking, the class is going amazingly. Bentley is doing better, but not 100% but way better on leash. In the last class my cousin talks over me when I am giving commands to my dog, (in retrospect the entire class is all herding dogs) as he is distracted and is barking/pulling (other dogs get this way as well, not just Bentley). She talks over me and he goes to her (usually this happens in our little blocked off space, while the trainer is explaining a lesson or activity we will practice). At one class she told me to, "control my dog" when I was giving commands and using food. She has stood up and literally got my dog cause he got distracted while I was training (for starters, she can't do that, second, other dogs got distracted and would wander away) where others would hear her tell me to control my dog or something. At the last class, she goes and says, "What if the dog is aggressive around other dogs during walks?" I felt like I wanted to hide under a chair in embarrassment. The trainer asks my cousin some questions and quickly learns that Bentley is NOT aggressive. It is more nervous and scared so he acts out, pulls, barks wants to greet the other dog on the walks.

In the past I have told my cousin she talks over me with commands, she declines she ever does. I rarely go out with my dog for walks while she is there, as she talks over me, tells me "how" to do something. Since the group training, she has learned things that I have actually told her is true. For instance, when he is pulling you stop and wait for him to walk towards you. I tried to explain this concept and she didn't understand, the trainer mentioned this in the class. That is another issue.

My question is: I am scheduling another private training with the trainer for his guarding, would it be best to explain to the trainer beforehand (over the phone, in an email) that my cousin talks over me when I give commands. I don't want the trainer to address with her at the beginning, I'd rather it be addressed when she hears her do it. I also don't want the trainer to tell my cousin I expressed that with them. Are trainers good in not saying I talked to them but if they see it, they address it then and there? I just don't want my cousin to be all, "why don't you talk to me about it," because I have and gave up and rather a trainer do it as she may likely listen. I just don't know how that all really works?


Have questions or would like to chat send me a PM
+
Senior Article Editor | Newsletter Editor | Resource Editor
Outreach Ambassador | Social Media Guru
Community Moderator | Forum Moderator

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 9,991
Blog Entries: 34
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Addressing a concern with a trainer - April 30th 2017, 03:59 AM

Hey there!

Well, I'm glad to see Bentley has been making great progress! Sounds like the trainer is worth the time, effort, and money. =) Unfortunately, it also sounds like your cousin is undermining some of that hard work. Either they don't realize what they're doing, or they aren't willing to accept what you're saying (possibly more of the latter from what you're describing).

The trainer may be willing to say something to your cousin, but they may also want to avoid triangulation. If you're not familiar with that term, triangulation occurs when Person A struggles with talking to Person B, so they pull Person C into the situation and try to get Person C to do the communicating for them. I know having Person C (trainer) talk to Person B (cousin) may seem like a good solution (because your cousin may listen to the trainer), but I think there's a bigger issue here... and it's that you don't have effective communication with your cousin.

In the short-term, you could certainly ask the trainer if they'd be willing to provide a bit of feedback to your cousin, but in the long-term, I'd suggest looking at ways to improve communication with your cousin so triangulation doesn't continue to happen with different people in different situations. There are a lot of great communication strategies out there... I like the Speaker Listener technique. It was developed for couples, but I don't see why it can't be used between family members and friends as well!

Of course, one of the keys to effective communication is that both people be willing to listen. You could talk until you're blue in the face, but if your cousin isn't willing to listen, then it's going to be a waste of time. If that ends up being the case, then you may need to set firm boundaries with them, like asking them to not go to the training or go on walks with you, because whether your cousin is willing to accept it or not, they're undermining what you're trying to accomplish.

Hope that helps (and hope that didn't sound too lecture-y)!






   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Fading Light. Offline
I'm sorry you lost.
TeenHelp Addict
************
 
Fading Light.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Data dog
Location: Outer space

Posts: 9,222
Blog Entries: 60
Join Date: September 20th 2009

Re: Addressing a concern with a trainer - May 1st 2017, 01:14 AM

Hey,

I think it would definitely be worth talking to your trainer about it. Most dog trainers only want what's best for the dog (and owner) so they're not out to start drama; if you tell them that you don't want them to tell your cousin that you brought the issue up, they may not because that would just complicate things even further. If they notice your cousin speaking over the top of you or otherwise hindering your progress they'll likely say something anyway as that's not conducive to getting things done.

That said, I agree with Robin in that the issue seems to run deeper than just this instance. But in this circumstance, perhaps you could encourage your cousin to talk to the trainer directly - you mentioned that your cousin sometimes doesn't take your word for it, so you could let them speak to the trainer who can then give them an explanation of the technique or concept (which may be the same explanation you gave, but your cousin might be more likely to take it on board if it comes from a professional).

It could also help to remind your cousin that while it's good to have the whole family help out when training a dog, there should still always be one primary trainer - which in this case is you. That means that you're in control, and you have to be the one to set and maintain the ground rules. If your cousin doesn't want to listen or follow the rules that you've made for your dog, then you may have to limit their interaction with Bentley until they start to understand. Unfortunately a large part of dog training is actually training the people around them.

Anyway, good luck with this, and be sure to let us know how it goes!


if you know the hunter's coming
then you hide or keep on running
'cause she's slain the gods before.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
MsNobleEleanor Offline
Courting Chivalrous Fidelity

I can't get enough
*********
 
MsNobleEleanor's Avatar
 
Gender: Female
Location: Courting Our Devotion Syncing

Posts: 3,020
Blog Entries: 1440
Join Date: December 29th 2011

Re: Addressing a concern with a trainer - May 5th 2017, 06:17 PM

Thank you both for replying, I really appreciate it.

So, Tuesday Bentley and I both graduated from Loose Leach Walking. Our last day was awesome! We both did well in the last parts of the training. The first one he was a little distracted but the rest he was excellent. The trainers were in awe. Not sure what I was doing but Bentley was on point and listened to the commands well. Then, the last one was with another dog but a screen in the middle. That was fun, he stayed calm maybe got a little hyper once but it went well. All he cared about was me and it was awesome to see all while other dogs were barking or moving around.

We're going to do some other training as I feel it's good to do for myself and him.

Yesterday, my cousin and I took a 5Km walk with Bentley and I talked to her about talking over me. I tried to explain and she cut me off so it was hard to get my point across. I used examples and her response was, "that isn't clear" so I used other examples and still the same thing. Then she focused on the time he was barking at the class and I was doing my best to have Bentley settle down. She said all she cared about was my dog.

On the walk back she was still cutting me off from training him, getting Bentleys attention and she would go in and get his attention and grab the leash. At that point I gave up with her. I tried. I believe I mentioned she was doing it again, her response was that I was "being too slow" and "not giving treats fast enough" so after that I just kinda left it.

The walk back she was in control of him while I had his leash. She was on the other side of Bentley and never gave me the chance to do anything. Or me trying to give commands she would talk over me.

I tried. I'll talk to her again about it when I have the patience and thought process to do that. For now, I tried and there isn't much I can do right now until I am ready to talk to her again about it.

Robin, the poster I did look at it, but how would it work with my cousin and I? She just cuts me off and I just feel I back off because I tried and she won't let me finish even when I mention I would like to finish explaining. Maybe I am not doing my best or something.

Chess, I haven't had the chance to talk to the trainer when I went. I felt my cousin would hear as when we got there no one else was there. I do plan on calling them when I enroll him for another group class and go in to pay, talk to them about it then.


Have questions or would like to chat send me a PM
+
Senior Article Editor | Newsletter Editor | Resource Editor
Outreach Ambassador | Social Media Guru
Community Moderator | Forum Moderator

   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Fading Light. Offline
I'm sorry you lost.
TeenHelp Addict
************
 
Fading Light.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Data dog
Location: Outer space

Posts: 9,222
Blog Entries: 60
Join Date: September 20th 2009

Re: Addressing a concern with a trainer - May 9th 2017, 07:11 AM

Congratulations on graduating, and I'm glad to hear that it all went well. I definitely think it's a good idea to continue and maybe further his training; you could potentially get into some agility or obedience sometime as a way to work on your relationship with your dog and have a bit of fun while you do. It's a shame that your cousin isn't willing to listen to what you have to say. Remember, though, that Bentley is your dog, so if you can't trust your cousin to follow the rules you've set down and to follow your example, you're well within your rights to limit how much time she spends with the dog. Ideally you should have your cousin involved in Bentley's training if she's going to be interacting with him on a regular basis, but if you can't trust her not to interfere then I think it's okay to reduce the amount of time she spends with him. I hope the trainer can help, and that your cousin does eventually realise that they need to be more receptive to open, honest communication.


if you know the hunter's coming
then you hide or keep on running
'cause she's slain the gods before.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
addressing, concern, trainer

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.