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I have started self harming again. I have cut myself on my arm but most recently I have took to burning myself and it has become really addictive. I burn myself with red hot water, whether washing my hands or going in the bath, or even washing the tea dishes. I also burn myself with lighters whenever I can get my hands on them and I have even took to burning myself with the kettle every time I make a cup of tea which is a lot in this flat. I really don't know what to do. Yesterday somebody asked me what had happened to my arm and I just told them it had been an accident. I am scared to tell my fiance that I have started again but he said if I ever did he would understand and be supportive. He knows I am going through a lot and I feel like I am just going to fall to pieces. I really can't stop burning myself, the pain releases the anger but only for a moment so I feel the need to do it more and more.
Your fiance sounds like a great guy, I think he would understand, like you said, and try to help you out. He sounds very supportive. I know it's nerve racking to tell someone, and it's really hard, but you can do it. You might think of writing him a letter to make it a little bit easier and less nerve racking. Sometimes it really helps.
Self harm is something very hard to overcome, but you're trying your best, and all you can do is pick yourself back up and try again. Sometimes we have relapses, most people recovering from self harm experience it, including me. but you should be really proud of yourself for asking for help.
I really recommend using alternatives too, you might try watching a funny movie, talking to your fiance, or running, which is what I do. I like it because I just get away from everything. Here's a list of alternatives you can try: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/ Just go through the list and try to find a few that might work for you. You never know what might work!
I hope this helped a bit, you can do this Just stay strong! If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me! Good luck!
It is very hard to overcome, so much is going on. I am trying my hardest and I have told my fiance and he held me for a while till I managed to calm down. I can talk to him about absoutely anything. Inside I am hurting so much, fed up of being bullied and I miss two members of my family and my best friend. So much time has gone by since they have been gone and I really don't know how I managed to survive this long, my fiance has kept me going the past year and seven months. Also I am nervous to go to a wedding next year, I am buying a dress but I have scars on my legs and arms. My fiance said I shouldn't be ashamed of it, that its done now and I can't change it, even though I wish I could. I just wished I hadn't started self harming again, because now I feel so angry at myself for slipping up. He said he would help me to get back on track again but I am self harming almost every day and I feel guilty for doing it because I know he hates to see me hurting.
You're fiance sounds very supportive! Try to use his support to stay strong as much as you can. And there's no need to feel guilt. Self harm can become addictive and when that happens it's not really your fault. I could go into a biological explanation of how addiction works but I digress. My point, I guess, is that you can't just stop. You will slip up and make mistakes and that's all part of moving toward recovery.
You mention burning yourself with water. Have you ever tried using ice or cold water instead? It still hurts but it's not really dangerous. Just a thought. If you're already at the tap and feel the urge to harm yourself turned the knob the other way so that it's cold would still hurt but be a better alternative.
Out of the ashes I'm burning like a fire. You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar. I've got shame, I've got scars that I will never show. I'm a survivor in more ways than you know. 'Cause all the pain and the truth, I wear like a battle wound. So ashamed, so confused, I was broken and bruised. Now I'm a warrior.
First, to try to get better, what I do is try to go one more day with one less cut/burn than the last time. That's all. It's a bit easier than just stopping, and it will help.
Second, your scars are indeed there to stay. Probably the worst part of being a self-harmer. But instead of being ashamed of them, try looking at them as what has kept you going. While it's not healthy, harming is a coping mechanism, and so it has helped you to stay sane. So if you go to the wedding and get nasty looks for them, just hold your head high and keep in mind that you might not be here today if not for those scars.
Location: Across the rainbow, where there's a pot of gold! :)
Join Date: April 12th 2011
Re: Addicted again... -
July 8th 2012, 07:02 PM
Michaela, you need to tell your fiance and let him help you. He sounds like a wonderful guy and you're really lucky to have him! Talk to him, come up with different ideas and alternatives to burning yourself. Don't be afraid to ask him, or anyone, for help. There's people out there who want to help and change the world, and they can just by starting with you.