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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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anongirlxox Offline
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Question Help , don't know what to do - August 4th 2012, 10:31 PM

Okay so I keep on posting here so sorry if I'm
Annoying everyone because I already posted here before but I really need some advice ! I can't seem to stop self harm I feel so ashamed because I stopped for a few months but I started again , I thought I Wa doing really well and then I just couldn't handle it I needed it ! I'm so annoyed at myself that I didn't it again but I can't seem to stop! My mom knows that I used to but she think I've stopped and she was really happy about it! I can't tell my friends because they always joke about cutting and say its weird and laugh about it an it's so awkward for me ! I really Want to stop I just don't know how or why i do it sometimes , sorry if this is stupid .
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Re: Help , don't know what to do - August 4th 2012, 11:12 PM

Hi there.

Firstly, you don't need to go apologising, we're here to help and it makes me glad to know that you feel you can talk to us. I know reaching out can be hard but you're doing it and that's really great and defiantly a positive step in the right direction.

Self harm is hard to beat, there is no denying that. But people do do it and it is possible for you and every other self harmer. Its not going to be easy and there are going to be times in your recovery when you desperately want to give up and hurt yourself so its about putting distractions in place in the short term to help you through those moments but its also about coping with the triggers and what makes you feel the need to hurt yourself to help you in the long term.

So firstly, do you try distractions? I know that sometimes hearing people say this can get boring and you might think but it doesn't help, but if you keep on trying, you will find things that do help you. Here are just a few ideas:
  • Go for a walk
  • Do somr art work
  • Read a book
  • Go and play tennis
  • Go out with a friend
  • Spend time with your family
  • Sit and pet a pet (that sounds weird )
  • Talk to someone about random crazy things
  • Watch a film
  • Have a bath
  • Have a hot chocolate
  • Do some baking
  • Go to the cinema
  • Do some knitting
  • Write someone a lovely letter

And of course there are a lot more, but that's just a few ideas. Now they're good things for distracting yourself but if you crave pain when you get the urges you might find something like snapping an elastic band on your skin or holding ice cubes on your skin more helpful. It might be the blood you crave so using red nail varnish or a red pen and drawing on yourself might help too. I know something helped me well which is to snap a glowband. You're then not allowed to hurt yourself until the glowband has stopped glowing which is normally around 8-12 hours later and by which time, the urges would have hopefully passed. It might be you need to express yourself in which case doing art, writing or talking to someone about how you feel might help. There are so many different things to try and its important you don't give up trying when something doesn't work because it's all about trial and error.

Now in the long term, do you know whats making you feel so low you feel the urge to harm yourself? If you do and you want to talk to us about it, we won't judge you and we will try our best to help and support you through it. Though it might be helpful for you to get some support in 'real life' too, so that you have someone at home helping you through this. You could talk to a friend or even a family member. Is there anyone close to you you feel you can trust enough to talk to openly? You can also always talk to a teacher, a school nurse/guidance counsellor or ever your doctor. You can always look into the option of going into therapy/counselling as well. I know reaching out for help can be scary but you deserve the support and people can and want to help you but they can only do so if you let them in and let them know what is going on for you right now.

Ultimately, you are in control of your actions. The urges might be there and yes, beating them may be hard, but you don't have to act on those urges. You can control what you do and you're the only person who can stop yourself from hurting you. I know its hard but if you stay determined and work hard and have support in place, you can and you will get through this.

Now remember you're not on your own and we're always here to try and help you. You can do this so keep on fighting and keep smiling :-)


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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anongirlxox Offline
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Smile Re: Help , don't know what to do - August 5th 2012, 01:30 AM

Thank you , Ill try some of those things and see why works. I like art aswell so that's good. I don't really have any friends I can talk to about that because they would definitely judge and we don't have a guidance councillor or any of our teachers because our school is really small and you can't really talk to them ever but I'm going to try and talk to someone about this. For now I just have to beat the urges and I know it hard but I'm going to try as hard as I can. Thank you for your post it was really helpful and it's nice to know I'm not alone.
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