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flawedbydesign Offline
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Relapse - August 5th 2012, 02:05 AM

So, a few years ago I stopped cutting. I stopped with the help of one of my friends (the only person I had ever truly considered a friend). In place of cutting, I began writing poetry and short stories. But lately I have been getting the urge again. I feel...trapped. All I ever do anymore is sit in my room, playing with my Guinea Pig. I feel as if I have no one to rely on anymore. The only people I talk to have kids, or are due any day now, so I don't want to bother them with my problems. I cannot talk to my family about it, I was raised to not show my true emotions and to deal with my problem by myself. The friend who helped me out before is no longer part of my life, she turned her back on me, which I think is what originally caused these feelings of helplessness. I have tried writing whenever I get the urge, but no matter how long I sit there with my pen and paper, nothing comes. I just find myself reaching for the closest sharp object. I don't want to start cutting again, I just don't know what I should do anymore.
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forever_hannah Offline
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Re: Relapse - August 5th 2012, 07:50 AM

First of all, I just want to make sure you know how awesome it is that you were able to stop in the first place. No matter what's happened since then, you had that strength in you, and you can do it again. Self injury isn't something that just disappears. It's addicting, and when you go through an emotionally stressful time those feelings can come back. It happens. For the short term, you really should check out the Alternatives to Self Harm sticky here. There are a bunch of different methods there, so if one doesn't work for you don't freak out, just try another. Maybe writing isn't working for you now, but something else might.

As far as talking to someone, it really does help. You probably know that already, since it helped you the first time. I'm sure the people you talk to don't want you to be in pain. You deserve to be happy and not feel like this. It feels like your problems are a burden, but all you're asking is for a little bit of their time. It's not that unreasonable. Even if you can't talk to them about the details of your urges, maybe you could just say that you've been feeling down lately and ask if they could help you find a therapist or counselor to talk to. If you have a way to do so, I know it really helped me to have a person outside of my friends and family to talk to and get tips about calming down. Is there any way you could reach out to the friend you originally talked to? I obviously don't know the situation, but if it was a couple years ago maybe there's room to reconnect. You shouldn't have to deal with this by yourself.

It's really great that you're fighting your urges. You can do this. Hang in there.

Hope is real. Help is real. LOVE is the movement.
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