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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Question Clean for nearly 2 years, now im struggling. - August 20th 2012, 10:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so i've been clean for nearly 2 years and i've not even wanted to cut or anything. The other day me and my boyfriend of over 18 months split up. He ended it. We had just planned to move away together to university, well we'd been planning it for a long time. I was so heartbroken. I forced myself to look over two old friends facebooks who have commited suicide just to remind me how much it hurts those left behind.
Anyway, he rang me the next day saying he regretted it. He still wanted to go to university alone but he couldnt say goodbye to me. He said that it was the worst 24hrs of his life, so we met up the day after and went for a meal.
We decided at the meal that we would have a break, no contact or anything for at least 10 days. Then after we went for a walk, somewhere quiet to talk.
While we were talking I put my hand on his knee and then... he kissed me. We kissed a lot that night but we still needed this break.
Now i just need someone to tell me if they have any idea what this means or if theyve been through the same.

Sorry about the essay, needed to get it of my chest

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Re: Clean for nearly 2 years, now im struggling. - August 20th 2012, 10:52 PM

First of all congratulations on 2 years!! That's so amazing. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. When you feel the urge to self harm, make sure you check out the Alternatives thread here. There are a bunch of different methods there so if one doesn't work for you just move on to the next.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this heartache. A couple years ago i was with this guy and when we broke up I had a really hard time with it and it was a big trigger for my self injury. He said he didn't love me any more but then he'd text me all the time and say he missed me. It was really confusing and made everything so much harder for me. It wasn't until a couple months later that I finally realized that it was really over and I began to move on. Until then you just leave that part of your heart open and it's really easy to get hurt. I'm friendly with my ex now but it took a couple years of not being in each other's lives at all for us to get to that place. From what you said it seems like your guy is sending really mixed messages. Even I'm confused as to what's it going on haha. It seems like when you're together you act like a couple, but when you leave you start saying you're taking a break. I think you really need to sit down and have a talk and decide if you're gonna be together or not. I know that's really difficult but hanging on to something that's not really there will end up being worse for you in the long run.

Sometimes my words get all jumbled, so I hope that made sense and I hope things work out for you. You're so much stronger than you think you are. Take care of yourself. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.


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Re: Clean for nearly 2 years, now im struggling. - August 21st 2012, 12:54 AM

Hey there,

Firstly, I want to congratulate you on the Two years self harm free, that is AMAZING!!! You should be so proud of yourself.

I haven't been in your position, exactly, but I know what it is like to have some type of heartache or struggle hit you and you immediately start thinking about self harm more and more. The best advice I can give you is to remind you that no matter what you are going through the situation will improve and, in the end, self harm will only make things worse.

Hannah gave you the link to the alternatives to self harm and I think you should definitely check them out. It sounds like right now what you need are some distractions and the alternatives will definitely offer that. I would also like to suggest that you try keeping a journal because it will help you to get your feelings out about everything going on in life and a big reason people turn to self harm is they are unsure how to express themselves and cope with the overwhelming emotions that are occurring in their lives and keeping a journal could help with that.

Do you have any friends that you could talk to about this break with your boyfriend? It is important that you do not go at it alone and friends would be an amazing place to go for support. Also, I am sure that some of your friends have experienced something similar to what you are dealing with in regards to your relationship and they might be able to help you figure out some ways to cope with it. It can help having people in your life to talk to who can kind of understand what you are going through.

Please hang in there and remember that you can and will get through this. If you need anything please feel free to pm me.

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