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I don't understand why I do it. - August 28th 2012, 09:21 AM

I've cut for about a year now. Sometimes it makes sense why I've cut myself, fight with my parents/I miss my home/friends were being jerks/I drank too much and got sad/etc. But tonight and numerous times before, I've just found myself grabbing a blade and cutting for no real reason at all. I know it's not for attention, because I can't stand that and I don't understand why you would permanently scar your body because it's "in style". It just feels like the right thing to do. I want to know if someone can maybe explain to me why I'm doing this, or at least tell me that I'm not alone! It makes me feel insane and slighty screwed up.
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Re: I don't understand why I do it. - August 28th 2012, 09:31 AM

I think I know what you're talking about. I do this too. I'm not really sure why I do it sometimes because there's no real reason, but I dunno, I just feel like I have to. So don't worry, you're not insane! And certainly not alone in this!

I read somewhere that some addictions (I'm probably gonna explain this really badly, but I'm just going on what I read, which made sense in the book) start out as ways to cope with things (like cutting), but then, because you get addicted to the way it makes you feel, and the way that it 'seems' to help, your brain tricks you into thinking that you need to do it, even when you don't. Hence, cutting for no reason. Does that make sense?
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Re: I don't understand why I do it. - August 30th 2012, 06:42 PM

A few years ago when I was right in the middle of my struggle with depression and self injury, I would do the exact same thing. It made sense when there was drama with friends or fighting with parents or when I was really stressed, but then I would find myself coming home from a decent, uneventful day at school and locking myself in the bathroom to cut. Nothing was wrong, it was just something I did. I felt pretty okay besides the fact that I was cutting.
I'm not a doctor or a scientist or anything, but I know that self injury is an addiction. It's not a physical addiction like drugs or alcohol, but more of a psychological one. There is a little bit of the physical component in that it makes your brain release dopamine which makes you feel a little better, but also just when you're upset and you use something as a coping mechanism, it's easy to become totally dependent on that coping mechanism. So that was just my experience/ my understanding of things.
Anyway, if you find yourself cutting or getting the urge to cut, make sure you check out the alternatives thread here. There are a lot of different methods so just keep trying them out until one works for you.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now, but you're not alone!
Hang in there,

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