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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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i just don't know!:S - September 21st 2012, 03:07 AM

hi, my dad died when I was 14 and I self harmed once or twice when i was at the lowest point of my life, I brushed it to one side and got on with my life, I'm now 18 and my mum's started seeing somebody new and all the old pain and memories are coming back and I've been cutting for 3 or 4 weeks. I'm not sure whether i'm addicted or not or whether I need help because i'm not used to it. All my cuts have been deep enough for bleed and only 2 have scarred. I've told my mum and she's just acting normal because I doubt she can face it because I know I've upset & i've told her the reason however she continues seeing this guy despite me crying in her face but if you take her side into consideration she has to move on with her life and after 4 years it is about time but i just don't know what to do.......
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Re: i just don't know!:S - September 22nd 2012, 04:40 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry that you are dealing with so much but I want you to know that you can get to a better place. Have you considered looking into counseling? It could be extremely beneficial for you to get involved in therapy because a therapist will help you work on finding healthy coping skills, give you a safe place to go, help you cope with the loss of you father and so much more.

I am also going to link you to alternatives to self harm. I suggest that you look at that list and whenever you get an urge to self harm I think you should try some of the things on the list. Here is the list: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

I also think that it would be a good idea for you to keep a journal to help you identify your stessors. When you feel the urge to cut try writing in the journal instead. It could help you identify what emotions you are feeling at the time you are having an urge and it might help you figure out what is triggering.

As for the issue you with your mom, I know that it is hard to see her moving on but you are right that she deserves to move on. I am sure that it is hard on her to have lost the man she planned on spending the rest of her life with and the man she started a family with. However, she cannot spend her whole life grieving him. I am sure there will ALWAYS be a part of him that she keeps locked in her heart and that she will cherish forever. You know, a counselor might be able to help you and your mom work through these issues and get to a better place.

I really hope that this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm/vm me.

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Re: i just don't know!:S - September 22nd 2012, 07:30 PM

Hi there.

Firstly I am really sorry to hear about your father passing away. I can't begin to understand how hard that must have been not just for you, but you and your mum and I can understand that it must have put a lot on you all. Have you thought about posting in the Death and Bereavement forum? I feel confident in saying you'll find many people there who can relate to you more than I can and can help with what you're going through.

You're right. Your mum does need to move on with her life and I can see her seeing someone new as a very positive thing for her. I know it's not the same but a few weeks ago my parents got divorced and my mums boyfriend moved in and I find that really hard. And I know you find it hard to accept your mum seeing this man, but she has to do this for her, you know? I can't imagine what has happened to you both has been at all easy on her and maybe sometimes, seeing someone new herself can be scary and a big change, but in the long run, I think it can be really positive.

Have you spoken to any one else about you feel? Whether that's a tutor/teacher if you are in education or even another family friend or your doctor? Talking to someone about how you feel and the issues surrounding the self harming may be a really positive thing for you to do. Definitely take a look at the link to the list of alternatives that has already been sent to you but its important to remember not every single thing on that list is going to help you and therefore it's all about trial and error. It's important that you don't give up on everything, when something doesn't help. Find ways to express yourself too. Whether that's through writing, creating song lyrics, art, sport, music and so on.

Don't be alone. I know this is hard and I think its important you to talk someone about this. I know its scary but just having support can be really helpful.

Keep on fighting and keep your chin up. You can do this. :-)

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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