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lovatoac Offline
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Afraid to date because of SH - September 30th 2012, 03:52 AM

I am technically 5 months SH free, with a few slip-ups here and there, a normal thing. The problem is, I have scars allover my left arm. I am 17 and afraid of dating because I do not want to have to explain to a teenage boy why there are scars all on my arm. Is there hope for me? This is basically me just venting, but if you have any advice, please let me know. thanks.

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Re: Afraid to date because of SH - September 30th 2012, 10:00 PM

Hey there!

First if all 5 months is brilliant, well done. We all slip up occasionally but it's how you recovered from that and learnt from it that matters.
I know what you mean when you say you're worried about it, but if you find the right person who loves you they won't care and will support you. Don't be afraid to tell them, don't be ashamed because its part of you that helped to make you who you are today. I know with me it helped me develop as a person so much and see things in a different way, while I regret SHing I don't regret what I've learnt from it and how I've grown as a person.
Don't let it stop you from dating anyone that truly lives you won't mind and will support you through it

I hope this helps, feel free to PM me if you ever want/ need to talk

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Re: Afraid to date because of SH - September 30th 2012, 10:09 PM

Hi there

Well done on being five months self harm free. That is honestly amazing and I hope you're proud of yourself for doing so well! You're right, slip ups are normal and I'm glad you recognise that and that you don't let it set you back.

I agree with what has already been said. If you find someone who really likes you, they won't judge you for the scars. They want stop wanting to be with you or think of you differently. They'll understand and they will accept it. Because the scars do not define you. If you found someone who was bothered by it, judged you for it, picked on you for it, then they're not worth it and you can do a lot better.

I hope your recovery continues to go well and I hope your relationships go well to.

Keep smiling

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: Afraid to date because of SH - October 1st 2012, 10:32 AM

My first relationship, when I was 15, started when I had very, very obvious self-harm scars on my left arm. He only asked about it once. To be honest, he was more interested in my face and who I was, and only asked about the scars because they were mine.

The reality is, relationships are based on far more than just what might be happening on one of your arms - plenty of people have tattoos, they're still in relationships. Your scars speak of some of your own, very personal experiences, they same way some people's tattoos signify something very important to them.

If the right person comes along, they're not going to care. In all honesty, they'll probably just be impressed at how strong you must be to have made it so long without hurting yourself.
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