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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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swimmer92 Offline
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Does anyone else feel this way? - October 2nd 2012, 08:11 PM

Last night I was in the shower cutting and i cut deeper than I ever have before and I felt a sense of pride and excitement that I had done that. And even today I am still proud, which makes me feel absolutely morbid. Does anyone else feel this? or is it just me?


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Last edited by Palmolive; October 2nd 2012 at 09:09 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
   
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Re: Does anyone else feel this way? - October 2nd 2012, 09:08 PM

Hi there,

I think the first time I cut deep enough to need medical help, knowing I had gone so deep, gave me more of a sense of power and control. I wouldn't have called it proud but it's important you know that everyone self harms for different reasons and everyone feels differently about it afterwards. Feeling proud about it is not uncommon at all. Like I said, everyone is different.

I know you haven't gone into how you feel or your self harm, but I just wanted to let you know that if there is anything you want to talk to us about, you're more than welcome to talk to us. You're not alone in this. You're worth more than self harm.

Keep your chin up,
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Re: Does anyone else feel this way? - October 2nd 2012, 10:44 PM

Hey there
Yes, I understand what you mean. When I cut deeper than ever, I felt a sense of omnipotence, and control. It was like a "Look what I can do, look what I can go through, you all are pathetic" type of feeling.
I've never cut so bad for medical attention, but I still get it.
I feel like when I cut deeper, I feel more in control, more powerful, but when I cut shallower and a large amount, I feel out of control and submissive.
Weird, I know. Hmmmm.
~paula


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Re: Does anyone else feel this way? - October 2nd 2012, 11:04 PM

When I first cut deep enough to require medical attention, I felt a sense of pride, and accomplishment. It's really weird, I don't think it makes sense at all, but I still felt proud. I felt even more proud because I pulled that one off whilst in a locked unit.

It's nice to know that other people feel that mildly confusing sense of pride though, I had kind of assumed I was alone.
   
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Re: Does anyone else feel this way? - October 2nd 2012, 11:52 PM

I've never cut deep enough to need medical attention, but when I've cut deeper then I have before, I feel that same sense of pride as well.



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Re: Does anyone else feel this way? - October 3rd 2012, 01:09 AM

I can relate too. I've never needed medical attention either, but each time I'd want to cut deeper and I felt...satisfied, I guess, when I did. You're not the only one that feels like that.


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Re: Does anyone else feel this way? - October 4th 2012, 10:54 AM

I don't cut but I know how it feels. I burn and the first time I pressed it hard enough to break through all layers I couldn't help feel this euphoria, this sort of 'I did it and I can go further'.

Jay.


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Re: Does anyone else feel this way? - October 5th 2012, 01:28 AM

I can relate. I'd stopped cutting for a while . . . and then I went back to it. When I first went back to it, I could only just make a red line, and when I broke the skin and bleed, I was thinking "Ha, I'm back. I can do this!" Kinda strange really.

When I cut deep enough for medical attention (NEVER EVER going back there!), man, it hurt like heck! And just the fact that it hurt waaaaaay more made me freak out. But it was a controlled sense of panic, knowing that I did that to myself. I guess I was proud, thinking about how no one else I know could stand to do that to themselves, but I could, which made me somehow stronger, tougher.
   
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