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CantBeHeard Offline
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Unhappy Its like im addicted - October 10th 2012, 07:48 AM

I'm 15 and have been cutting since I was 13, off and on. And a few months ago I was doing great! I hadnt cut for a few weeks and stuff was looking up, I was able to go a while.without even thunking of cutting. Then i was in my room a couple weeks ago, and I just lost it. My past just came back to me, I was putting myself down and I couldn't uandle.things anymore so I grabbed a razor and did my first cut of a long time. And it felt so good. It was like I was finally in control of something again. It felt so good to have something I'm so farmiliar with back. I cut stricktly on my right wrist. That way I can just keep pony tails over my cuts so no one will see them. Unless I just can't handle.it then ill start cutting higher on my arm and cutting my thighs. I need help, its like.even if I wanted to stop (which I don't, but in a way kind of do.want to), I can't. I think I'm addicted to it. And it scares me. What if one night I go too deep. Or i go too much. I hide my scars cause I could never get up the strength to tell my family, I love them and I know it'd hurt them too much. The only people that know is two of my closest friends and one of their cousins. I'm so scared that its going to get out and people will find out that I cut, and that I'm suicidal, and I have an eating dissorder. The only way for me to cope with all this is for me to cut. It's what I find comfort in... :l sorry for the long entry.. i just needed to get it off my chest and I need help.
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Melwirth Offline
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Re: Its like im addicted - October 10th 2012, 09:22 AM

it is like an addiction, cutting cant get to that point over time and I am so sorry that it has gotten to that point for you, it's an awful thing to have to go through and overcome. Like you I was addicted. And yes after awhile of not that first one does feel good and it also really sucks cuz deep down we know its not good for us and we need to stop but finding that power to stop is the hard part. So you you say you have and ED too, do you see a counselor or psychologist about that? If you do I would bring this up too and maybe they can help you with that as well. It wont be easy but you can do it, dont give up on yourself. Find you triggers and dodge them. Do things that make you happy. Stay busy. Just do what ever you can to stop if thats what you really desire. I believe in you.
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Re: Its like im addicted - October 10th 2012, 11:28 AM

hey there, any selfharm is addicted, the sense of control and in some cases pride interfere with logical thinking. I'm addicted to selfharming and it is a constant battle, especially when things get hard again. But, every addiction can be overcome, you just need to continue to fight.

Jay. P.S welcome to the site.

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