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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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lizziemariexxoo Offline
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Exclamation I dont know what to do. HELP!! - July 18th 2013, 10:00 PM

I have the biggest urge to self harm again. my life is so messed up. my mom is extremly sick. im also very sick too. and ive been taking care of my mom and my grandma(shes permantly in a wheelchair) and myself. i dont know what to do. i just want to end it all and just commit suicide or just self harm to make it all go away. my moms boyfriend is mean to me for no reason. i tell my mom about it and she dosent do anything about it. it drives me closer to the edge each day. i just want to end it all.


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Re: I dont know what to do. HELP!! - July 18th 2013, 10:13 PM

Hey Iím sorry your having a rough time but self harm and suicide isn't the answer I understand what its like to have someone at home that you donít like, I also donít like my mums boyfriend but I if it makes my mum happy I ignore him which works for me. Also hurting your self wont make anything better. If you need to self harm then crush ice in your hands better then self harm.

Its an addiction and its hard to stop trust me I know it will take a while but youíll get better.


One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.


Memento mori - Remember you must die

Memento Vivere - Remember to live

Carpe diem - Seize the Day


ďMan cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.Ē -Andre Gide
   
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Re: I dont know what to do. HELP!! - July 18th 2013, 10:40 PM

Hey there,

Like Ellie said, Self harm isn't a good way of coping with things. Sometimes it can seem like it's going to help you, but it really just makes things worse. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and what you're going through. You're still a kid and you shouldn't have to be taking care of your mother and grandmother, on top of being treated wrongly by your mothers boyfriend. Is there anyone else you can talk to about it, since your mom isn't listening to you? Maybe a close relative, friend, or someone at school? Sometimes talking about what's going can really help as well.

It is also a good idea to ignore what he says about you or when he does mean things. He's trying to bring you down, and you do not have to let him. Things might be difficult right now, but that does not mean that they won't get better. You have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on you and what you want to do in the future and work towards that so you can create a good life for yourself.

With the self ham, have you ever tried any alternatives, like squeezing ice cubes, going for a walk or run, punching a pillow, scribbling on a pillow, or writing about it? Sometimes trying out an alternative can help as well. Here's a list to some alternatives that you can try out: http://www.teenhelp.org/alternatives

I do think you should try talking to your mom more about what's going on. If talking to her directly isn't helping, maybe try a different approach, like writing her a letter. Tell her that things aren't going so well and that you do not like the things that her boyfriend is doing to you. Include what he's been doing, and tell her about the self harm if you feel comfortable doing that. I know it's hard and scary, but you won't know until you try. If your mom still doesn't listen to you, try going to a counselor, teacher or a friend for support. You can find so many people out there that will want to help you. Don't give up hope okay? We're all here for you no matter.

Good luck and stay strong. You can do it.


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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Re: I dont know what to do. HELP!! - July 21st 2013, 02:30 AM

I understand things are hard, but there is always a better answer. If it is so extreme to the point that you honestly want to take your own life, it's probably best to consult an adult, anyone who can help you. If you think you can, try staying with a friend for a day to just get away from the situation. I know that is hard since you have to care for everyone, but removing yourself for a short time will give you perspective. Just hold on, things DO get better, I promise.
   
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Re: I dont know what to do. HELP!! - July 21st 2013, 05:11 PM

Hi there,

I am really sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time right now but it's great you've come to us for some help

Can I ask in what way you and your mum are sick? Do you mean you're both sick by physical condition or by a mental health illness? It's really nice of you to be taking care of your mum and I am sure that she really appreciates it and is thankful to have you helping to help her as well as you grandma at the same time as taking care of yourself, but this shouldn't be all of your responsibility.

Have you ever thought about contacting a young carers or even an adult carers group since you're in that in between age of 16-18. I know that might be a scary though but they may be really able to help all three of you. I used to be a young carer for my mum and sister and became part of AYC (Action for young carers) and so i had a care worker who gave me 1-2-1 support, but they could also put any support in for my mum and sister if they wanted it and it also gave me the chance to go on residential trips which is where you go away for a day or few nights with the organisation and other young carers and do fun activities to give you a break and so you can meet friends and have a good time. It might be worth thinking about

You shouldn't be allowing suicide to be an option. Committing suicide is not allowing things to get better. Things will just end. If you keep fighting even though it's hard and it's going to take time, you'll get to a better and happier place and life will be worth living. Because feeling this way doesn't last for ever. It will go but you need support to help you through it and you need to work with the people offering you support. I really do think having some involved form a carers team might help you or maybe some counseling will help too, so you could always talk to you doctor about that or a teacher in school if you're still in education. You just have so much going on and you're taking on so much that you need to have someone to turn to because I can imagine you have a lot of emotions building up and it must be really hard for you.

Self harm doesn't help either. Okay, so you can hurt yourself and it might make a bit of a difference in that very moment, but it doesn't help in the long run. The underlying problem is still always going to be there which means your still going to want to self harm in the future. So you keep going back to self harm which is clear evidence that it doesn't help in reality. Try using distractions when you're having bad thoughts or urges. Not everything helps so its about trial and error and not giving up on everything when one thing isn't helpful for you. Do things you enjoy and like to too. Treat yourself a little.

I also think you finding a way to express how you feel would be a really good idea too. I think maybe you self harm as a way to get rid of the negative feelings inside so maybe you could look into some healthy ways of coping with your negative emotions and thoughts. I know that I find writing things down really helps me. Sometimes I write poems too. Have you ever tried just sitting down and writing down everything that's going through your mind? It might not even make sense at the end but it can a really good release. Or some people find sport is good, so going for a good run or boxing or even dance. Some people find playing music beneficial or even writing lyrics. Or there's things like art, so drawing and painting. Its about you trying these things and finding what helps you.

But don't be afraid to reach out to people for help, okay? You don't deserve to suffer in this alone and you don't have to suffer alone either. People love and care about you and can and will help you but you have to let them know what is going on for them to do so. And believe in yourself because you can get through this and get to the other side, alright?

Be kind to yourself,
Jessie.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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