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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Unhappy what's wrong with me? how do I change the way I think of it? - July 22nd 2013, 05:41 PM

I didn't cut since 3 weeks and didn't graze since 2 weeks. This last 2 week I've been feeling very low since my girlfriend went on a holiday,and I felt lonely around my friends and I talked to a teacher and she said it'll get better. But it didn't. And now I can't help but think that it doesn't matter if I self harm. No one would care and it'll just make me feel better. I see it as a positive thing. And I argue with myself that its not true but I can't help it. How do I stop this?


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Re: what's wrong with me? how do I change the way I think of it? - July 22nd 2013, 06:51 PM

It must be very hard for you because your girlfriend is away on holiday and this means you have no one special to be around you and make you feel comforted. With your friends you can feel lonely because although their physical presence is there, it's the part where deep inside you is another part which they may never know or understand because each person is unique and so are their experiences and this is where part of the loneliness comes from. Your teacher is right. Things will get better for you but you might find a way for it to arrive. It can be a hard think to pick ourselves up after we've fallen down. Sometimes it's easier to crawl. This way while we're feeling low, we're actually making a progression towards something and that's when we've crawled to a point where we hit a step, then we climb and climb until we reach the very top and we feel better again.

Making those steps to crawl can be difficult but it can depend on how you take each step in crawling to the steps for recovery. Find something that works for you, distracts you, from your self harm. Here's a thread with a great list of different ways to help in preventing yourself from self harming: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

Sometimes when I stoop to a low I try and remember the reasons in life that I want to live for. I think about how long I've gone without doing anything to myself and how I'd like it to continue. How I want to be happier and that I should go do something that takes my mind off things. Then I think of how I'm not going to let my sadness get the better of me and that I refuse to give in no matter the struggle. It might come back another time and when it does, I'll put my armour on ad get my sword and I'll fight until I feel better again. It's a matter of positive thinking. Each person has a way of positive thinking that works for them but the best one of all is saying, "I can do this! I can beat this!". I is a very powerful thing to use. Try to use I in sentences of, "I can do this.", "I will get better", "I will find a way to recover" rather than saying, "I can't do this". Keep your thoughts and sentences positive. The more you say it to yourself the more belief in yourself you'll have and the stronger you'll become, and happier too!

You said you've talked to a teacher and that's a start. Maybe there's someone else you could talk to like a member of your family or a close friend? If you haven't already, try getting in contact with your GP and talking to them or even see if you can arrange to have some counselling. Talking to at least someone does help give us relief for our problems and it distracts us from them too. That means one more step closer to the very top of that staircase. If you think you'll have trouble with any of that, there's always us here at TH who will gladly listen and do our very best to help you. There's many people who have similar thoughts and feelings as you, this is where friendships start and this is how people can also recover because then the journey to recovering doesn't feel so lonely.


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Re: what's wrong with me? how do I change the way I think of it? - July 22nd 2013, 11:25 PM

It's very hard to get out of seeing SH as positive, particularly when you want to do it. And, maybe you are right, that it doesn't hurt anyone else, but it's still not the right thing to do. I've thought the exact same things too, but in reality, SH doesn't make you feel better. It might help at that moment, but what about the guilt afterwards, or all of the time you spend thinking about it and arguing with yourself. There is a reason you know it's wrong and can't get it out of your head. It's hard to restrain yourself when you desperately want to go back, particularly when your friends aren't there. But you have to stay strong, even if it's by guilting yourself a little. Like, what would my friend say if she knew I SH'd because she wasn't there? Or, I've been good for 2 weeks, why start now? Sometimes I find thinking of all the reasons not to SH can help you talk yourself out of it. Just remember, someone DOES care. Absolutely. It's easy to think you are alone. But you aren't. Stay strong!
   
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Re: what's wrong with me? how do I change the way I think of it? - July 23rd 2013, 12:06 AM

You said it doesn't matter if you self harm but that's not true. Destructive behaviours lower your self esteem. The more destructive you are the less you start to care about yourself. If you want to be happy (and I mean truly happy) then cutting just isn't an option. You deserve better. If you don't believe me then think about your girlfriend. Would she urge you to self harm or say that it's a good idea? Probably not. Cutting makes you feel better in the short term. In the long term it makes you miserable, ashamed and takes over your life. Try to think of the bigger picture. Self harm will never solve any of your problems. If you're upset try to calm yourself down and then see if you can solve whatever made you want to cut in the first place. Think about those who love you and don't want you to hurt yourself. Think about how you'd feel years from now if you were covered in scars. It's not worth it. It's really not. Stay strong, you're worth more than you give yourself credit.


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Re: what's wrong with me? how do I change the way I think of it? - July 24th 2013, 05:04 AM

Hey there,

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this such as a counselor? I too have trouble with viewing self harm as a positive thing but talking to my counselor about my struggles with this thinking has helped quite a bit and maybe talking to a counselor would help you as well. Counselors are a great place to talk about your feelings and help you work on coming up with new ways of thinking of things. They are great at helping you see things in a new perspective which is something that you need to do in regards to your self harm.

You said that your urges have increased since your girlfriend went on holiday and maybe it would help if you reminded yourself that she will be back. I know it can be difficult when someone close to you goes on a holiday but the fact is that the holiday won't last. I know this summer was really tough for me because a number of my friends were away on holiday but I was able to keep things together by reminding myself that the holiday they were on was only going to last for so long. Do you and your girlfriend keep in contact with each other? Maybe if you talked to her about some of the feelings you are having it would help a bit. I know there might be a part of you that doesn't want to worry her but it might help if you were able to express yourself a bit.

I think there are a lot of people out there who would care if you cut yourself. Sometimes if you can't find a reason to not self harm it helps to think of your friends and family. I know when I am really struggling with self harm it helps to think about my family and the people who are hurt by my cutting. Maybe something you can do is make a list of reasons not to self harm. I know that list might start out small but as you learn to fight the urges it can grow stronger. Some reasons I have to not cut:

It is dangerous
I end up feeling guilty
It hurts my family
I don't want more scars because I already cannot wear long sleeves

I really hope this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to PM me.


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Re: what's wrong with me? how do I change the way I think of it? - July 26th 2013, 07:53 AM

Hi there,

Not cutting for three weeks an grazing for two weeks is amazing and I hope you are able to see how well you've done in beating the urges in that amount of time. It's absolutely amazing and you should really be proud of yourself for it and recognise it to.

I think it's really great that you recognised you were feeling low and why and that you went and spoke to a teacher about all of it. I know that must have been quit a big step for you to take so definitely be proud of yourself for it. Reaching out can be hard but it can also be really worth it so well done. When she said it will get better, I honestly think she meant it and I still believe that it will get better but you have to give it time. It's not going to happen quickly. It's going to take time. Okay? But that doesn't mean that it's not ever going to get better and it's important you realise and understand that.

Self harming isn't really going to help you. Whether you hurt yourself or not, the underlying issues are still going to be there which means if you self harm, chances are the urges will probably come back at some point and it will just continue. You are worth a hell of a lot more than self harm and the pain that you would be putting yourself through. I don't know why you feel like no would would care about you. I definitely would; If I didn't then I wouldn't be spending my time replying to your thread but I am doing because I care about you and know that you can do this with out self harming. Self harming might help you for a few moments, but the affect of it doesn't last so in reality it's not going to make you feel any better at all.

You're a lot stronger than you think and you don't need self harm to get you through the hard moments, okay? Stay fighting and if you ever need to talk then know that we are always here for you. You're never alone in this.

Jessie.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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