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-   -   Breaking inside? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t122190-breaking-inside/)

outofbreath August 2nd 2013 07:47 AM

Breaking inside?
Hello there,
I was here before, but I recently got out of the hospital. About 4 months ago. I was in a long term treatment center for 8 months. For depression & cutting & all that stuff.
Why am I making the thread? Good question. I don't know, I guess I needed somewhere to vent. So, if you listen, thank you <3
The treatment center helped for the most part. I don't cut anymore. Well, at least.. I don't know. I don't know how long it's been, I stopped counting. Like 6 to 8 months, I've been clean. That 8 months was the worst 8 months of my life. Holy crap, horrible horrible people. -.- but somehow, since I couldn't cut, I got out of the habit. And I never want to go back to a hospital ever again. But the hospital also taught me how to keep in my emotions. When I wanted to talk to someone, they'd tell me no. Or later. So I had to take a lot of deep breaths and every deep breath was a scream inside.
Today, I found out that all the credits in the hospital, didnt count so I have to repeat the grade. All that **** for absolutely nothing. Freaking ridiculous. I just feel like all I do is never enough. I have to go back to school and school was always hell for me. And I don't know, I feel sick. Like no one understands. Everything is breaking inside. And I can't talk. I can't speak. I've lost the ability to. I said I would never cut again. But what's one more? ... No friends. No family. No hope.
So, now, I am sitting in my room, it is 2am, I have a razor. And I'm thinking about using it. Any advice? I'm sorry, this was just a bunch or randomness. Tried to explain it as well as I can. Please help. Thank you <3

Magda August 2nd 2013 10:54 AM

Re: Breaking inside?
Hey, sorry I haven't come on here sooner.
I know it's been a few hours since you posted this so did you cut? If you did then i'm sorry and if you hadn't then that's great.
There is hope. Your hope is your future. You can cut again and then not get better but worse or you can put the blade away and get support. So the hospital was bad at talking to you, okay, buy you can do that here. You can talk to me and anyone else cuz we're all here willing to help. The hospital did help you in getting out of the habit which is great. So put two and two together and maybe things will get better. You can pm me and time and I'll try to get back to you asap I swear.

cynefin August 2nd 2013 04:23 PM

Re: Breaking inside?
Hey Olivia :D

Based on what I've read, the doctors or people that you encountered seem pretty unprofessional. They're supposed to let you talk to someone if you need to. Did you figure out why the credits don't count? It's been a while since you've posted this but I really hope you're okay! If you're still feeling the need to cut or if you get another urge, try checking out the alternatives thread. Congrats on going several months free! That's something to be proud of. And by the way, you're more than enough. :hug: Feel free to message me if you need anything.

outofbreath August 3rd 2013 08:37 AM

Re: Breaking inside?
I'm alright, didnt cut. I distracted myself. Thanks guys. (:

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