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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Regret - August 12th 2013, 11:48 PM

I cut myself today. After so many weeks, I even lost count of how long its been since I last self-harmed. One of my closest friends died in February and I didn't even do it then, I managed to cope with everything without resorting to cutting myself as a means of release. but these past few days have been so bad, ive been fighting the urges real bad, but I started to cave in and didn't even realise that I was doing it. I pull my hair out, when im stresses, and also pick at hair on my legs, find in grown hairs n squeeze them out until my legs bleed :/ I found scratches on my knuckles that I didn't realise i'd done from clenching my fists together because I was ready to kill someone but had to contain myself. today I just blew it though. okay here n there I punched a wall once or twice or pulled my hair out but I didn't cut myself, been months, my scars rom three years ago are still there n I thought they was beginning to fade and now ive got a new lot. I hate myself for doing it. but in some ways I don't. in some ways its not enough, I want more I want to do more. #I don't really know why I am telling everyone this, I don't want no sympathy or links to stop self0harming, coz ive been going through this since I was 11, im now 19 so I think I know the score pretty well. I know what to do n what not to do but right now I really don't give two shits, excuse my language, I am so angry inside. so so angry inside. everything gets to me, every little sound, the clock ticking, someone banging, children bickering, wind howling, people making noise eating breathing I cant take none of it no more. there is so much build up inside and I don't have anyone to tell or anyone who understands or anyone who can empathise with my situation n then I can actually believe yeah this person does understand. im always running around from my parents house to my grans house up n down everyday, battling to keep both households standing but killing myself in the process. I just want everyone to fuck off and leave me alone. I want everyone to get the fuck out of my face and give me some space and find out what their last slave died of before they kill me in the process of holding them all together, Reality check, they never had a last slave ive been there since day 1. my whole lie is lived to please others, make sure theyre happy content secure, but greedy selfish bastards are never happy, ever. yet stupid me wont stop to have a break, coz I cant stop coz despite what they all do I love the too much.

Frikin hell I have ranted on a bit too much n I l didn't even realise.


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Re: Regret - August 13th 2013, 04:17 AM

I've kept everything bottled up inside me as well..but ive learned that shit catches up with you and makes you explode with anger that you later regret doing and hurt yourself for what happened which only makes you hurt more. The pattern is endless and it only comes to an end when you can just let it all out and look forward and finally breathe free again. With that said you can message me anything that's bothering you and I will try my best to help.


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Re: Regret - August 14th 2013, 07:56 PM

Thank you for replying. I'm here if you ever want to talk as well.


''No pressure, no diamonds''

There may not always be a direct answer to a problem, but there is always a way to get through it.
Strength is the best quality of the human mind and body, and I believe everyone has it; whether they believe it or not. Look for that tiny glimmer of hope deep inside yourself and once you've found it let it blossom, glow and illuminate your life.

I'm always here if anyone wants to talk.


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Re: Regret - August 15th 2013, 01:39 AM

Don't worry about ranting, we're here to help. If you ever feel like there's no place you can go, come on here. I'm sorry to hear about your friend and the fact that you cut recently. But you went a long time without cutting and that's definitely something to be proud of. You shouldn't have to keep everyone else together all by yourself. Have you tried talking to your parents? I think it'd help if you did something for yourself a little bit each day. Message me if you need anything.


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Re: Regret - August 15th 2013, 02:09 AM

Hey there,

I think it is great that you got all your feelings out. It is better to express everything that you are feeling than to keep it all bottled up inside. So, don't worry about ranting, okay?

As for your self harm, don't beat yourself up about relapsing because I believe that relapses are a part of recovery. Sometimes they are going to happen and the best thing you can do is pick yourself up and try again. I know it can be hard to go through a relapse and you feel some disappointment but if you beat yourself up about it you are going to feel even worse so just accept this as a part of recovery and try and move forward.

I think it is important that you work on trying to find some healthy coping skills to deal with all the triggers in your life. I think you should look at the Alternatives to Self Harm in order to help you with this. When you are struggling with an urge pull out that list and use then many things listed and see if those things help. It is important to remember that it might take some time for your body to adjust to the alternatives so you have to give yourself time for that adjustment to take place.

Something else you might want to consider is going to counseling. I have found that counseling is a really beneficial tool in overcoming self harm and maybe it would be something that would help you as well. I know it can be hard to open up to the idea of counseling but once you do it could end up proving to be really beneficial.

I really hope this helped and I am wishing you the best of luck.


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