I'm a bit worried that my friend is cutting herself.

[~Divergent~]

First off, let me just explain that my friend S has definitely been depressed due to certain issues (to what extent, I don't know). The only person she really confides in is our friend E, but it doesn't take a genius to see that she's depressed. Last summer, she also sent me some semi-fictional stories about herself that involved her character cutting herself. I don't know if that part of the story was fictional or not, but at least I know that it's been on her mind before.

So. I totally feel like a stalker for this, but...I found a question on Yahoo Answers (never mind how...) about cutting and I'm a little suspicious that it was written by my friend. The question was something she would ask, it was written in the way she would write it, it was posted 10 months ago (which is the right timing), and it included details that match her exactly. Now, all that could certainly be an easy coincidence, but I noticed that the person's username was my friend's name, and her name isn't a particularly common one. It's not unheard of, but it's definitely not common the way "Jessica" or something is. I think she's the only one in our school (720 people) with that name. Also (again, call me a stalker, but I was concerned), the user had blocked all of her other activity and kept it private - which is something that S would do because she has to get permission before making accounts and is secretive in general.

Anyway, I was just hoping to get some opinions here. Am I overreacting? Do you think it's just a very weird coincidence? I've already been worried about S and I've definitely wondered if she's self harmed, but she's also acted very freaked out by the idea of people hurting themselves...although I admit that that could just be a lie, because I've been-there-done-that myself.

Basically: Do you think I should find a way to ask her about it? If she is self harming, then I definitely want to know, but I don't think she'll ever just tell me. So is this scenario too unlikely or is it worth looking into more?

[Catharsis.]

Hi, Hailey!

In all fairness, I think there's too much evidence to suggest S posted that question than otherwise. Obviously, Y!A is a very big network, and it isn't impossible that it's just a very, very weird coincidence. But, that question aside, some of the other information you gave about S also suggests she might be struggling with self-harm (such as those stories), and I would say it's worth looking into.

Best of luck if you choose to ask her about it! If you need advice with how to ask her or how to put it or anything, my PM box is open. =]

~ Gareth

[Philomath]

Hey Hailey,

I agree with Gareth. If you have that much evidence it is her, chances are it could be or it could not be. That is a very large site and many people post questions all of the time.
It is really great you care about her and want to help her.
She probably could use as much support as she can get.
If you end up talking to her, you could always print out the alternatives list and give it to her (to show her there are other ways to cope and that she is not alone).
Hopefully you get to talk to her and she gains another friend that can support her.

[Rivière]

I think from all the evidence you've gathered, it'd be far too much of a coincidence. Sometimes when people have certain reactions over things it can be because they're wanting to cover up for themselves, like your friend who's freaked out by people hurting themselves, maybe she does the same? She might pretend to be freaked out by the idea of self-harm to cover up for the fact she does it herself, that way no one would suspect. I don't think you're overreacting at all, you have every right to feel like you do because you're worried for your friend. If I want to know something from someone but don't want to ask directly, I'll sort of skim around the edges. Sort of like a spiral, asking certain questions around the subject but not directly towards it until I'm met with the information I need to know. With your friend you could raise a conversation about self-harm and ask her about short-sleeved clothing, this way it'd help to reveal if she's been cutting her arms, same with shorts, that way it could help determine if she cuts her legs. Although there are places you obviously can't ask her to show you, at least talking about short-sleeved clothing or wearing shorts can help skim around the idea of self-harm without revealing your intentions.

[~Divergent~]

Thank you so much for your input, you guys. I really appreciate it and I'm glad to know that I'm not just being a paranoid, overreacting, overprotective friend. I'm not sure how yet, but I think I'll try to figure out a way to talk to her about it.

[Ennui.]

I know that one time I was scared that my cousin was cutting because I saw some posts on Tumblr that concerned me, and what I did (mainly because it was nighttime and I wouldn't be able to calm down until I at least asked her) was sent her a message through Facebook. I let her know that I saw these posts on Tumblr that mentioned self harm (I gave her her Tumblr name to confirm it was her) and I was really concerned about them and wanted to make sure she was okay. Maybe you can do something similar, only more regarding your own situation?

I recommend doing it in person, though, if possible, or at the very least over the phone. On a day when she seems to be in a relatively good mood maybe you can say you were looking around on Yahoo Answers and came across a question. You can let her know what the content was and why you think it was her posting it. Then you can let her know why this is really concerning to you, and emphasize the fact that if she IS self harming, she can come to you and you'll try to work through it with her.

But, you know your friend better than I do, so if you know a better way, go for it! Whatever makes you the most comfortable and what you think will make her be the most honest, do.

[~Divergent~]

Thanks, Dez! I actually really like your suggestion!