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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
playingtragic Offline
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Self-injury and relationships - September 21st 2013, 08:39 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I've only been with my boyfriend for about a month, and it is a long distance relationship. (I know what you're thinking, no, we didn't meet online.)

While we were talking the other day, I confessed that I was really triggered and felt like hurting myself. While he had known about my self-harm beforehand, he freaked out and tried to make me promise that I would never hurt myself ever again, which of course, I couldn't promise him. He also made the comment that if I cut myself, he wouldn't forgive me.

He did eventually calm down, and I realize now that he was acting like that out of fear, especially since he's on the other side of the world and can't really be here to help if anything were to happen to me. We have an agreement now that before I hurt myself that I'll tell him and see if he can talk me out of it.

But now I'm left wondering how to bring it up again without freaking him out or how this will affect my relationship with him. How do I explain why I do this so that he doesn't get so freaked out if and when I do hurt myself again?
   
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Re: Self-injury and relationships - September 21st 2013, 02:43 PM

Hey Jade! to TH.

You two might be able to make up a code word of phrase for it, so you can mention that as if you were talking about something else. I agree with you, he was probably acting out of fear. It's great that you're willing to let him know when you're triggered, though. You might also be able to send him some articles or any information on helping those who self harm. I'm sure there's some articles here, on the top under the "Articles" tab. I hope I helped a little bit. If you need anything, message me


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Re: Self-injury and relationships - September 21st 2013, 03:33 PM

Hi, Jade!

I think you're right that he was acting out of some sort of fear. He obviously cares about you a lot and wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, so his on-the-spot reaction might have been pretty strong. However, I doubt he meant what he said about never forgiving you, and I'm sure he'd love to help you if you could. Like Cassie mentioned, sending him articles or information about helping a loved one who self-harms is a good idea, as it might help him if he doesn't know how to help you. Or you could talk to him yourself.

With regards bringing it up, I think you should pick a time, and say that you'd been meaning to talk to him about something. You can go from there. I hope it goes okay if you choose to tell him! Best of luck.

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Re: Self-injury and relationships - September 21st 2013, 10:48 PM

Hey there,

I really like the idea of sending articles and information! You can send pamphlets on how to help, as well as pamphlets on what it means to self harm. Here are our articles on self harm, though I bet Google has even more. Basically let him know what self harm is, and maybe debunk some common myths about self harm that he may be believing.

Maybe you can also explain to him the reasons why you personally self harm (or even some of the basics) and maybe how you personally would like to be supported when you have the urge to self harm. That way, maybe he'll know better how to react.

I hope all goes well! Communication is very important here.

-Dez


   
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Smile Re: Self-injury and relationships - September 23rd 2013, 01:24 PM

Hi Jade,

make a code word or phrase. send him articles on self haming. you can find alot of them here on teenhelp. help him understand the behaviour so he doesnt react like that. he needs to be more supportive and helpful instead of afraid. people typically jump to the worst case senario and that isnt always helpful. he will learn to understand and be supportive instead iof frightened
   
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