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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I don't want to stop. - October 19th 2013, 11:52 PM

When I've done it in the past, it was nothing. It was never bad, it would be months between each time because it wasn't something that I would say I had a problem with but tonight, that is different.

I considered it the other day but it wasn't just that I felt the urge to but I was picturing it in my head, thinking about what was around that I could use and tonight I gave in and I've never done it so bad and in all honesty, I feel like I could sit here all night and do it without a single care in the world. I don't know what has brought this on as I've been fine all day, I don't even feel that upset or anything. It's almost as if I just thought fuck it and decided to do it and now I have, I just want to carry on doing it because for once I can deal with the pain and it doesn't make me feel sick or anything like before and it scares me. I feel like I need someone to come and stop me before I do something that would be really bad.
   
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Re: I don't want to stop. - October 20th 2013, 01:20 AM

Hey there,

I'm really sorry that you're struggling right now! I know that sometimes I get triggers when I'm not even upset too, I think that that's something to do with the addiction talking.

Maybe one thing you can do is remind yourself of reasons why you shouldn't be self harming or why you should recover. For instance, one reason is that since you are doing it worse than you have before, you are risking infection or losing too much blood, and both those things can be scary.. Or, it could be because you shouldn't have to wear certain clothes to hide injuries, you should have to wear whatever, and you don't want to look back at your body years from now and regret it. Another reason why you may want to stop is because of any guilt you may feel afterwards. You can tell yourself that you don't want an addiction to take control of you. Ask yourself if this really helps anything, and if it's worth it. In other words, make a list of reasons to recover.

Remind yourself there are better ways you can use to cope with emotions, or things you can do to distract yourself when you want to, whether you know why you are or not. I know that you probably have seen this before, but I will give you the alternatives to self harm thread here. Maybe you can leave a few of these with the tool you use to self harm, as a reminder.

I also think that you should speak to someone about this. Of course, nobody can force you to stop, but having a support system around you is important. They can help you deal with any pain you may be going through and just help you get past some of the reasons why you may be wanting to self harm. I think they can also stop you from getting to the point of doing something bad. It can be a friend or family member, doctor, therapist, or other trusted person.

I remember seeing on another post, that everyone is in a different place along the path to becoming self harm free. Some people are just starting out, some people may be on the stage where they want to recover, and others may just not be there yet. Nobody can criticize you for not wanting to stop, but what we can do is offer you support and guidance along the way and help you get to a place where you don't even feel the need to self harm. Make yourself aware of the reasons why you shouldn't self harm as well, but I think that eventually you will get to a place where you feel as if you should stop. When that time comes can be different for every person, but I think you'll get there.

You can do this!

-Dez


   
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Re: I don't want to stop. - October 20th 2013, 03:47 PM

I know I should care about how it could look and how I have to hide it etc. but I can't, I just want to do it because I feel like I deserve it and if it isn't good enough in my eyes then I need to do it more. I don't feel guilt for doing it either because I feel like no-one cares so no-one is going to be upset by the fact I've done this to myself. I just feel at a loss right now, like I've got no-one to turn to speak to about it and even if I did, I don't know what to say or if I'd even want to say anything so I'll be stuck in this rut and I also feel like if I speak to someone about it, it'll be admitting defeat and making it seem like it wasn't that bad in the first place and I don't want that.

I've probably made no sense and if so, I'm sorry. Everything is a bit of a mess atm.
   
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