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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Unhappy i feel like a failure.. - October 29th 2013, 02:35 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i promised my friend i would try quitting. but i have to, i have to cut. she dosnt understand i need to self harm.i cant deal with all this shit in my life..iv been hurt so many times. i wish i could talk to her about it but i dont want to bother her..cutting is the only thing i know how to do.


i feel like a failure cause i cnt stop
   
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Re: i feel like a failure.. - October 29th 2013, 10:28 AM

Hey there,

Just because you have had a relapse does NOT mean that you are a failure. It just means that you are struggling right now. There WILL be a day when you are able to stop, but right now, focus on caring for yourself and getting yourself to a place where you have the foundation in place TO stop.

As far as your friend, maybe you can sit down with her and let her know that you are trying your hardest but sometimes the urges get so strong, like they did yesterday, and that can cause a relapse. Explain you aren't just ignoring the promise but are going through a rough patch. You can also explain a bit more about self harm so she understands that it's not something that you can stop instantly. You can print out pamphlets or borrow books from the library that she can read to explain it further.

I don't think that by talking to her about it you would be a bother either. It seems as if she does genuinely care about you, so maybe you can explain a little about what you are going through in your life right now, since it is always important to have a support system. If it makes you feel any better you can let her know that she can come to you when she needs it as well.

Try and find others that you can talk to for support as well, whether it is another friend or a trusted adult. That way, you don't have to always go to the same person, meaning if one isn't available, you have others to turn to, and you can also get suggestions from different people which may bring a different opinion or solution. Don't feel guilty for needing help. The people around you WANT to help you and I bet they know you'd do the same for them.

But, you aren't a failure. Everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn't make you a bad person. You'll get through.

-Dez


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Re: i feel like a failure.. - October 30th 2013, 04:01 PM

Dez is right, you are in no way, shape, or form a faliure for relapsing. Relapsing is OK, self harm is not something you can instantly quit, and often people feel as if there is nothing else to do. Self-harm is a way of expressing yourself and coping, if you attempt to stop just by sheer will because you don't want to disappoint your friend it most likely won't work. You've still got emotions you're not sure how to deal with or express without self harm.
I recomend reaching out and building a support system, you do not, and should not, have to go through this alone. You deserve help. Understand that getting help doesn't make you weak or a faliure, it actually makes you stronger and is a show of your courage to take a step towards healing. Also, try looking at alternatives to self-harm, there is a thread here that you can go to to get a good list of them. Try them out to see what works and don't get discouraged if one doesnt't, everyone is different. I encourage you to try at least 2 choosen alternatives before self-harming. I know it's hard, I'm going through the same thing myself. I'm only 7 days clean strugging big time. But you can do it chica, you're stronger than you think. Hang in there, and know that you are in no way a faliure for relapsing. Or for wanting to self harm. That's all OK and it is all a step towards your recovery.
I wish you the best of luck <3


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Re: i feel like a failure.. - October 30th 2013, 04:41 PM

I agree with Dez, too. You are in no way a failure! I have been cutting for 2 years, and I've lost count of how many times I've relapsed after promising I would quit. But what's important is that you keep trying and that you don't give up on yourself. It takes time. Patience is key.


"Some people care too much. I think it's called love." - Winnie the Pooh
   
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Re: i feel like a failure.. - November 6th 2013, 11:40 PM

thanks everyone. ik healing takes time and i have been waiting so long i just want this sadness to end. i want to die, but i wont kill myself or anything. i just feel like if i tell my friend my probelms more she will get anyyoyed. but i think im thinking too much. and i would like to tell my two other friends but when im with them they always make me laugh and i try not to be boring by being depressed, i just dont know when a good time to tell them cause i dnt want them to be freaked out.
   
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Re: i feel like a failure.. - November 7th 2013, 12:41 AM

I don't think your friend will be annoyed if they vent, and I don't think you'll be boring if you're depressed. I think they'd rather know now than realize when it gets too bad. If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can reassure your friends that you still want to have fun with them and this won't change that, and that they can all come to you when they need it too, so it's a mutual support.

As far as a good time, I'd say try and find a time when they are in a good mood, and make sure it is in an area where there aren't too many distractions, whether that means pulling them aside, inviting them over, or inviting them out somewhere to tell them. You can explain a bit more about self harm, like I suggested above, so they know what it means.

It's good that you want to tell these other two friends, though!

-Dez


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Re: i feel like a failure.. - November 7th 2013, 02:37 AM

i hate it, i can imagine me tlking to them but i cant. i tlked to my one friend over a text, i cant get enough courage to confront them in person. im such a coward.
   
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Re: i feel like a failure.. - November 7th 2013, 03:02 AM

I know what you"re feeling but gee i feel so bad for you, i use to cut and did many other ways to self harm. Have you tryed talking to a school councillor? I know this technique that might help..tap the top of your head and say 3 times even though i cut, i am still a wonderful person, then move to the inner eyebrow, even though i cut, 3 times and tap, move to the lower eye and repeat, then tap your chest, then do the side of your arm. Keep tapping these areas and repeat even though i cut, i am a wonderfull person.. I wish you the best their are so many supportive ppl on here so u can talk to us
Good luck


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Re: i feel like a failure.. - November 7th 2013, 07:13 AM

Brooklyn,

You are in NO way a coward, after all, you're managing to get through self-harm, right? As Dez said in her first post, you WILL relapse, but that doesn't make you a coward or a failure, that's just part of the journey.

The thing that I will suggest for you is something Dez suggested I did in a previous post, write a journal, this technique is currently working for me and it's great because it allows you to vent your anger onto paper, rather than your forearms. What you do is you write down the time, what triggered you today, how it made you feel and what you did about it. However you can add your own sections in as you please.

As for your friends, you could show them this journal once you start, which is easier to do than actually saying it to their faces.

I hope this works out for you, be safe and stay strong!
You can do this,
~Jack.


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