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Sy3ney Offline
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Name: Sydney
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I was doing so well.. - October 31st 2013, 06:34 AM

I was doing so good.. November 12th would have been 5 MONTHS self harm free. Over these past few months I fought through some of the hardest urges I've ever had to work through. I had found some great alternatives but it all went to shit tonight. The past few weeks have been absolutely awful! I can barely even pin point exactly what started to make me fall back into this depression so bad. My biggest issue is something that almost no one can help me with because I can't find anyone who understands. I see so many posts on here about people feeling alone and so disconnected, and that is exactly how I feel, but for extremely different reasons than everyone else. Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness has ruined me. I lost everything when I left, and building my life from scratch just isn't working out for me. I can't find a sense of community. I thought maybe coming back to TH would help, but it really brings me down. So many people are so sad, myself being one of them, and I feel like maybe this isn't the right environment for me. I contemplated suicide for the first time in a long time last night. I know people are going to comment and tell me to seek some professional help, and I'm doing that. I started going back to therapy this past Monday. But right now, in this moment, I am alone. I feel alone. Living in this new city with no one to turn to really takes a toll on me at times like this. I don't even know what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. I just need someone to understand
   
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Re: I was doing so well.. - October 31st 2013, 11:17 AM

Hey there,

First of all, try not to beat yourself up too much over having a relapse. Going almost five months is really amazing and you should be so proud of yourself for doing that! You can pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and keep going. Maybe you can make it even longer next time.

You said you can barely even pinpoint what it was that made you fall back into this depression so bad. One thing that may be able to help you pinpoint it is by keeping a journal. Journals are also good because they allow you to vent out your emotions in a better way. In it, take note of the emotions you are feeling and when they took place by writing down the date and time, where you were, what you were doing, and how you felt. You can even write about how you dealt with the situation. Then when you're calmer you can look back and notice patterns or events you can get advice on.

When you said "when you left," do you mean you decided to stop practicing that religion? Or, do you mean that you moved to a new area? I am sorry if I have misinterpreted this. If you moved to a new area maybe you can have your family help you find a church to join. Whether it's that you left the religion or moved to a new area, maybe one thing you can do is join clubs, social groups, sports teams, or take classes like cooking or painting, in school or around town. That way, you can meet people in this new city and make some new friends. Since they'd be in that club too, you would have a common interest with them so you can start to get to know them. You'd also be part of a group.

As far as TH goes, remember that sometimes the site is not for everyone. If you feel as if this is making you worse, you are more than welcome to take a break or limit the amount of time you come on here. I'm not saying you have to and we definitely would be okay with you staying and trying to support you, I'm just saying think about whether the site is more beneficial or harmful, since you said it brought you down.

Remember that suicide isn't the answer, though. Things may be difficult right now but they won't be that way forever. Sometimes it takes a little time and thought, but everything will get cleared up for you. You have things to do and places to go, people to meet and goals to complete. Don't give that up now. There is a lot left. Also, if your suicidal thoughts ever get too strong, please speak to a trusted adult, call emergency services, or go to a hospital.

This is a link to a list of hotlines organized by country. Maybe when you are feeling low, if things get too much, you can call one of these and they can help you work through it.

Even though this won't help you now in the moment, I want to say you took an amazing step by going back to therapy. When you go for your next appointment, be sure you are honest with them about this so they can help you to the best of their ability.

You can do this.

-Dez


   
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