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friendlycat Offline
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Confused, but.. okay? - November 21st 2013, 10:17 PM

This is my first official post, so I'm new, haha

I don't really know what to do anymore.

My self harm has gotten under control, and I'm working at one of my many attempts at giving it up.

I feel urges to cut, usually daily if not more often. My best friend has been attempting to get me to stop, and this is the longest I've gone without in a long time. (17 days today)

I feel like cutting all the time, yet I don't. I think of my best friend, and how much it bothers her when I do, and how I don't want to hurt her. Thinking that no one cares and that it doesn't matter doesn't work anymore because of her. And it's confusing me, a lot.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to stop cutting, or don't want to stop feeling that way. Though, I still feel like cutting, I still have suicidal thoughts, and still have anxiety and panic attacks over things. They just go away when I'm around her, or talking to her, which is what I've been attempting to do whenever I feel like doing anything.

I guess there isn't really a point to this post. I'm trying to sort out my emotions and it's difficult, as most of you will know. I guess if anyone wants to analyze how I'm feeling, that'd be okay
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Re: Confused, but.. okay? - November 21st 2013, 10:44 PM

I don't know what I can say but since there's not a question, there's no wrong answer? (hopefully) This is a lot like my situation, I think. The difference being you have a friend to keep you on the straight and narrow, which is beyond value, I think and I am so happy you found someone who means more. I've been told by a lot of posters that cutting is an addictive behavior, so maybe you no longer have the mind-set that started your cutting and you may not have a reason, or the same reasons, to cut, but you still want to because you are addicted in a way? I think it will pass though if you keep focused and confide in your friend. I think the difference between the people on this site who've stopped and those who haven't is a difference in who has a reason not to cut. It's very rare that someone is so motivated by knowing it's wrong that they can overcome it. Usually, they overcome it because it hurts someone they love, which in this case, is your friend. So, I hope for you that this means you are on the road to recovery. I hope this was useful. If you ever want my advice (although I'm a rather limited source) or someone to talk to, feel free to message.
Welcome to the site!
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Re: Confused, but.. okay? - November 21st 2013, 11:04 PM

Hi there,

First of all, it's wonderful that you're trying to stop and seventeen days free is amazing! You should be incredibly proud of yourself because that is an amazing accomplishment.

I agree with Yukia bout why you may still be craving to self harm. Sometimes it can become an addiction where you crave it often or you crave more of it because you want that safe effect. The longer you go without self harm, though, the longer it will be to deal with the cravings you are feeling.

It's excellent that you have your friend to speak with as well. If you would like, you can broaden your support network to other people, like other friends and family, religious leaders, doctors, guidance counselors, coaches and club advisers, teachers, or a school nurse. That way you can get a wide variety of support and suggestions, and it can help a lot to have multiple people to go to.

I think that it can also help you to find ways to express your emotions as well, such as writing, art, or music, because these help you release all your emotions so they're not all pent up inside. Exercise is also a good way to release stress. Also, these are alternatives to self harm that are healthier, safer ways to cope.

Since you mentioned suicidal thoughts, I will also give you this link to rasons to live. Sometimes you have to live for the small things and let them build up, because a big thing is coming your way! Your friend is definitely one great reason to live and keep trying.

Continue to get support from your friend and the people around you and continue to try, and I bet you will do well!

Oh, also, welcome to TH! I hope you get all the advice you are looking for here.


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blown-away Offline
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Re: Confused, but.. okay? - November 22nd 2013, 01:57 AM


Not cutting for 17 days would seem like a life time for me if I were to stop, so congrats, that is a great accomplishment. I lasted a week and gave in. I thought you have an awesome friend for being there for you when you need her, that social support can make a world of difference. Perhaps if you have other people you can trust and go to when you have the urges to cut, they may help you fight urges.

Those conflicted feelings about stopping cutting I have all the time. I feel like if I were to quit I would be losing something like a friend of comfort, although for me cutting has let me down more than any of my actual friends. All it takes is a start, and you have one.

Stay Strong,

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