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Unhappy I feel like I've taken a step back - December 8th 2013, 12:59 AM

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It happened today, I don't know why, I suppose I've just been so caught up over thinking, not at all really realising how I feel, so it happened, I use to be so use to 'it' being the solution, I'd feel one source of pain, I'd feel in control, I'd feel infinite, i always admire myself for that feeling, but not today, I'd gone almost two years, that's an achievement right? Two years without so much as a glide across my skin, I feel so ashamed. I don't know why I did it. I wanted to talk to someone, someone I don't know, it's all so overwhelming, the scariest thought is, I'm healthy in the mind for once, I'd over come some terrible demons and I am better, I know in my right mind now, I should never of done it, it was a foolish moment of weakness. They've never been deep cuts, that wasn't the purpose, ending my life has never been on the agenda, it's just be able to control something of my life, but now I am better, so why did I do it?
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Re: I feel like I've taken a step back - December 8th 2013, 01:06 AM

Hi there,

Yes, two years is such an amazing accomplishment, so even though you did relapse, please don't feel too bad at yourself. It goes to show that even though you DID relapse, you can make it through it again and go another two years! I am so proud of you for making it almost two years, and even though you relapsed, please do celebrate that accomplishment and be proud of yourself, too.

Remember that slip ups do happen sometimes, but they aren't the end of the world or the end of all of your progress. Treat it like a temporary bump in the road, something you can pick yourself up from, dust yourself off, and keep going.

I think that sometimes we get too caught up in the moment rather than realizing how we actually are feeling inside, and when things like that happen, it can be difficult to cope, and things can become overwhelming quickly. So, maybe since things have built up a bit or gotten overwhelming, you self harmed and it was sort of an automatic reaction?

Try not to beat yourself up too badly over this but instead put it in the past and use it as a motivator to keep going. You can also write down or print out encouraging quotes or pictures to remind yourself that you can do this.

Also take time out for yourself sometimes to take care of yourself and have a little "me time." Maybe you can take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, eat your favorite foods, or do a hobby you truly love. Focus on taking care of yourself and releasing any stress that may be there. Also try and find ways to express your thoughts so they're not all pent up inside, such as writing, art, or music. Exercise is also a good way to release stress.

This is a link to a list of alternatives to self harm. Try and do some of these things next time you are tempted to self harm. I also noticed that it helps to be around other people, either physically or on the phone, when you have the urge to self harm, because even though you may not be talking about what the problem is, it's hard to self harm around people. Also employ whatever tactics you used to get you to almost two years.

I think you should also reach out for support. If you have a friend, family member, doctor, therapist, or other trusted person in your life, reach out to them. They can support you through the bad times and help you cope in better ways.

I know you can do this!


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