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Wish I'd never made the first cut - January 4th 2014, 10:36 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey,

So I've just been super triggered lately. Like I just wanna cut so badly. I'm almost four weeks clean, and I'm trying to put it off the best I can, it's just so hard. I was trying on winter formal dresses today, and it just made my urges worse. I'm super body conscious, and trying things on is just...horrible. It triggers me so bad.

Anyways, anyone else ever wish they had never made that first cut?
I wish it everyday. It was such a huge mistake.
Does anyone else feel this way?


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Re: Wish I'd never made the first cut - January 4th 2014, 10:50 PM

Hi there,

I think that a lot of people do wish that they never made the first cut, for various reasons. There are times when I wish that I never started, either. Like the other day I was at the mall with two friends and they wanted to try on dresses to get an idea of what they may want for prom. I had to refuse to try on dresses. Why? "Because it takes too long." Reality? I didn't want them to see that I've been cutting more and so I've been lying to them.

I regret it because now I have to lie to friends about the reasons why I don't want to do certain activities like try things on. I regret being so dependent on having my tool with me, just in case, even if it's a generally good day, that I have to hide it so carefully when I am out with friends and make sure there is no way they see. Even if I'm sleeping over a friend's house. I regret that any time I try and talk to my parents about it they freak out. I regret it because now I'm in so deep that I already am telling myself that when I am eighteen and in a college dorm room, I am going to cut anywhere I want and how much I want because my parents can't stop me anymore.

Okay, sorry, off my soap box. The main thing I was trying to get across was that you're definitely not the only one who has felt like it was a huge mistake but still has a hard time stopping.

BUT, four weeks is a really amazing accomplishment and I bet you can keep it up and go for four weeks longer, and even longer than that. You're doing really well, so please keep fighting. I bet you will look beautiful in any dress you do try on. I know it's hard to see that for yourself, but you'll look amazing and you deserve to have fun at the formal.

One day, self harm will be a thing of the past for you.

-Dez


   
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Re: Wish I'd never made the first cut - January 4th 2014, 11:18 PM

4 weeks is really amazing! Stay strong; I believe in you. And I often feel the same way too so you're definitely not alone. One thing I try to remind myself though is that I've learned from my mistake, and that fighting to beat the self harm will make me a stronger person in the end.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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Re: Wish I'd never made the first cut - January 5th 2014, 08:28 PM

I know a lot of people that regret it so you definitely aren't alone. Great job going four weeks without cutting. That's a huge accomplishment and you should be proud of that. I bet you would look gorgeous in any dress you try on, and I know it's hard to see but it's true.

Me on the other hand I don't regret it at all. It makes me who I am. And my scars tell a story just on my skin instead of paper.


We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.
Cause we are glass.
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