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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Horrible Mistake. - January 15th 2014, 04:10 AM

This is just a rant. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, I just needed to get this off my chest.

I told a teacher about my self harm back in November. She listened to me, and heard me out. She didn't judge me, or ask me why I did what I did. She said I could come and talk to her anytime, and I often do in the mornings before school and after school. She makes me feel better, and she promised me she wouldn't tell anyone. And she hasn't; she's kept everything I've told her completely confidential.

Until today.

Two weeks ago, things got really bad. She told me that whenever I felt like I needed help, she'd be right there to get me the resources I needed. The very next day I came to her and told her I wanted to get better, and I really did.
She said she was going to ask another teacher for resources/methods to help me and she promised she would keep me anonymous.
Today, she held me back after school to tell me that the teacher told her that the best thing to do would be to report my self harm to my counselor.
My teacher said she would talk to my counselor, keeping me anonymous and two things could happen:
1) my counselor wouldn't find it that serious, and she would let my teacher handle things with me on her own
2) my counselor could find it serious and have me come in and talk to her, and if things seem to be super severe, my counselor would have to tell my parents.

My teacher said she would keep me anonymous unless my counselor promises her that she could come with me and all three of us could talk together.
When she told me this, I freaked out.
She promised she wouldn't tell anyone.
She promised she'd keep my secret to herself.
I trusted her.

Yesterday was a week clean for me, and now I'm back to square one.
I knew I wouldn't be able to keep from cutting myself tonight. Not after what my teacher told me.
I hate her. Hate her for telling. She promised!
I can't trust anyone anymore.
I just wish there was something I could say to her, something that would change her mind and prevent her from telling my counselor.
I didn't want anyone else to know but her.
I'm just regretting ever telling my teacher about my self harm in the first place.
It was a horrible mistake.


I love you to the moon and back.

Darling you are the only exception. ~Paramore ♡
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Horrible Mistake. - January 15th 2014, 06:59 AM

You didn't make a mistake. You tried to seek help and did the right thing by yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it.

From what you've said, it sounds like your teacher offered to talk to the counsellor and that she didn't say she had to, is that correct?

I would recommend talking to your teacher and telling her you just don't feel comfortable with her telling the counsellor, even anonymously, due to the fact that the counsellor may tell your family or that it might get on record. Explain why you feel uncomfortable. If you don't want your family to know then there's a reason for it and telling her what it is could help her understand.

The counsellor telling your family may be required by regulations to ensure your safety when you're home. It might also be to make sure that people do seek help and have all the support they need even when they're not at school. However, depending on your home situation I can imagine this could end up making things worse.

Even when it would be more helpful than you think, I see where you're coming from. I think it would be more helpful if the teacher, even the counsellor, remained supportive but helped you ease into the idea of telling your parents, or could alleviate your fear. If you're scared then it's not so surprising that you would end up feel worse.

However, don't lose hope. Hang in there. As I said, talking to your teacher can be very helpful. She may not have realized just how concerned you are that your parents would find out. She may be willing to work things out with the counsellor in such a way that you remain anonymous and get the help you need in that way until you're ready to let others know as well.

I'm sure your teacher didn't mean anything wrong by it. I don't believe for a second that she intended to betray you. Unless she self-injured or had a degree in psychology, it's very likely that she knew only the basics and didn't know where else to get any resources. It's likely that she needed more advice on how to help and support you. She probably meant well.

This doesn't mean that she isn't trustworthy. Human beings aren't perfect, so if she thought this was a good way to help she may have thought this was ok. I'm sure that you too have done things to try to help others that weren't very helpful. Human beings are also not mindreaders, so maybe she doesn't know how you feel about this. Being more specific about what sort of help you need could go a long way. Communicate with her and be upfront about what makes you feel better or worse.

Also, maybe she didn't know about the school's policy until she asked for advice, and doesn't know what the best way to proceed is.

Even if she was wrong or did it on purpose, you're not wrong for having tried to seek help.

I hope things get better for you and that you get the help you need to feel better.
   
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Re: Horrible Mistake. - January 16th 2014, 11:29 PM

That wasn't a mistake you made It was a hardest step in order to recover! If you still considered a "mistake" then later on you will realize it was the best mistake you ever made! It really hard to handle it at first, but trust me it will get easier.

Yet again the one above feel free to tell her you aren't comfortable with it. You wanted the resources to get better she trying to get the resources. The school councelor has those kind of resources. The down side the school councelor might tell your parents, because it is by law they have to because of it. Mine had to tell my parents.

Don't be scared because of your parents might knowing. If you are it's totally normal. It kind of depends on what kind of person they are. Many of them react different. That in my opinion is the hardest part. They all react differently so I can't really tell you. All I can say they react badly like really upset or something it is because they care and love you and they want the best for you.

Trust me your teacher didn't mean to betray you. She wanted to help you and you wanted the help and she didn't know where to start. But she did it because she wanted the best for you as well It is law and she might of not known. that's probably why she kept it to herself. It's a law and they can get in a lot of trouble if they found out that they know.


But please don't lie to the counselor if you go there. It's always the best to be honest with them. If you lie or something it a lot harder to get better. But if you want to get better then do it.

I hope all goes well
Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need anything
   
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Re: Horrible Mistake. - January 17th 2014, 01:41 AM

Hey Emery,

I'm sorry that you've found yourself stuck in this position! I know the thought of having your teacher tell someone else about your self-harm must be really scary, especially if you're concerned that it might get back to your parents. However, in all honesty, I think your teacher is doing the right thing. In fact, I'm surprised that she even offered to keep it confidential in the first place, as more often than not, teachers are required to report things like this to the school counselors.

The thing is, she's a teacher. While I agree that teachers can certainly be great sources of support (I still keep in touch with some of my high school teachers who helped me through hard times), their resources are very limited. They do not have the training or expertise of a counselor in these kinds of situations, and they may not know how to help. The best thing that they can do is refer you to a higher level of care and let them take it from there. And I agree that in a lot, if not most, self-harm cases, professional help is most definitely needed. That's not to say that she can't be there to support you, but she can't, on her own, provide you with the resources necessary for you to get better. She just isn't equipped with that kind of knowledge or experience.

I think the way she gave you a heads up about it and talked you through the process shows that she really respects you. Many people would simply go and do it with no warning. But she wants you to be aware of what she is going to do before she does it. It shows that she really values your trust in her and wants to respect that as much as she can. She acknowledges your desire to get better and promised you that she would get you the necessary resources, and she is doing just that. But she also acknowledges that she can't do it on her own, which I think is very responsible of her. Like Usernames Suck said, this doesn't mean she isn't trustworthy. Rather, I would say she's doing an excellent job handling this.

I know it may feel like you can't trust anybody anymore, but the people in this situation only want to help you and are doing so to the best of their ability. Please don't blame your teacher for doing what she needs to do. It sounds like she cares about you a lot and like she will be a valuable source of support for you down the road. Try to turn the tables a bit and see things from her perspective. She's probably feeling really conflicted right now as well, not wanting to betray your trust but at the same time not knowing how to help you further. She's also in a really difficult position.

It wasn't a mistake to tell your teacher, at least not in my eyes. Telling someone that you self-harm is one of the most courageous things that you can do. But expecting them to keep it confidential, with the exception of a counselor or therapist, isn't fair, in my opinion. Just imagine if things got really bad and you seriously injured yourself. Not only could she get in a lot of trouble for not reporting it, but I'm sure she would feel a personal responsibility for it, too. She doesn't want you to get hurt. She cares about you.

I hope this helps a little, and again, I'm sorry you're in such a sticky spot at the moment! Keep us posted. I hope it goes well.
   
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