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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Wolfz Offline
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I relapsed again.. - March 1st 2014, 04:11 PM

I am just feeling so weak and wortless.. Only after 4 bad days I couldn't keep it anymore because it's always the same..
I get left alone in school and have nobody to talk to.. now I just feel way worse..
I knew that I'd regret it to begin again but it seems like this won't get into my stupid brain!
Just after 4 bad days (I never feel good in school anymore.. at school I just feel depressed.. it began to be usual) I relapsed again! I thought I stop it but I begin anyways! Over and over again!
I feel like I will never get it right..
   
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Re: I relapsed again.. - March 1st 2014, 04:50 PM

Hey there,

First of all, it is not weak or worthless that you had a relapse. I know it doesn't seem like much but you should be really glad you at least tried to hold out, and that you did hold out for those four days! The fact that you are trying means a lot, and the fact that you want to recover at all means that even though things hard hard for you now, you WILL become self harm free one day. These slip-ups are only temporary bumps in the road.

I think that since you said you are left alone in school, it may help you to join clubs, social groups, and sports teams. At least that way you will be meeting people who have common interests for you, and this can be a conversation starter so you can begin to make friends with them.

Is there any other part of school that makes you feel depressed besides the issue with friends? For example, if you are having a difficult time with any of your classes, remember that you can always stay after school or during a study hall for some extra help with the teachers so you can better grasp the material. That'd be one less thing to worry about!

I'm sure you have seen the alternatives list before but I would just like to remind you that sometimes it takes a bit of trial-and-error to find a coping mechanism that works for you, but you WILL find one. For example, you can use writing, art, or music to get out your thoughts, or exercise to release pent up stress and other emotions. You can even find a funny movie to watch or hold an ice cube to give yourself another sensation. Keep trying new alternatives because there is bound to be one for you!

I really do think you should talk to someone about this, whether it's a family member, teacher, guidance counselor, nurse, doctor, therapist, coach or club adviser, religious leader, or other trusted adult. I know it may be hard and you may not want to but in the end I think you need someone who can help you cope with what is going on. All you have to do is be honest.

You are amazing and you are strong for even wanting to fight this, remember that.

-Dez


   
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Re: I relapsed again.. - March 2nd 2014, 07:52 AM

Hey Julia,

Maybe you could join some clubs e.g. If you are interested in a particular sport like netball you could join your school netball club so that way you can make friends and even when it's not the day of your club you could ask your friends which you met at the club if you could hang around with them at lunch and break time.

Part of recovery is having relapse. Maybe you could treat yourself e.g. If you don't relapse for a whole week you treat yourself but gradually make the time scale longer, if you don't relapse for a whole month you treat yourself.

You can fight this. Be strong.

Love from Meera xx


Be Strong, Have Faith, Have Courage xx

Current Mental Health - Sever depression, SAD,Self harm, Suicide thoughts, anxiety attacks and voices in my head.

Current Medicines - Fluoxetine

Feel free to PM me anytime , I love getting PM's and I love supporting people as it distracts me from my horrible thoughts.
   
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Re: I relapsed again.. - March 2nd 2014, 09:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Terabithia. View Post

Is there any other part of school that makes you feel depressed besides the issue with friends? For example, if you are having a difficult time with any of your classes, remember that you can always stay after school or during a study hall for some extra help with the teachers so you can better grasp the material. That'd be one less thing to worry about!
Well.. besides the fact that my best friend leaves me alone and I'm pretty much alone in school, there is something what makes me depressed. I actually can't say 'no', so if somebody in school asks me something which I actually don't want, I think on that person standing in front of me and to make him/her happy, I usually just say whatever they wanna hear and mostly it's the word 'yes'.
And in my school, I can't stay after school because I nearly always have school 'til 4:15 pm and my school usually closes at this time.
Also, we don't have a study hall. :/
   
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Re: I relapsed again.. - March 3rd 2014, 03:10 PM

Hi, Julia!

I can understand and relate with what you said about feeling the need to say 'yes' to people, when you don't even want to. It might help you to explore why you feel the need to do so, however. Do you feel anxious around the people you're talking to, and is submitting to them a way to cope? You could also just prefer putting other people before yourself, which can be good, but, trust me, you have to pay attention to yourself, too. It's not something that you can overcome overnight, but try to be a little assertive. So, if you don't want to do what they're telling you, just try to say so.

I completely agree with Dez, too. A relapse doesn't make you, in any way, worthless or weak. You tried to hold on, you tried your best, and that's what matters! And any time holding on without it is amazing, as far as I'm concerned. So, I'm proud of you for going without it, it's definitely something. And I know you can keep going after this.

Feel free to PM/VM me anytime, okay? Hang in there.
-Gareth
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