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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Unhappy Relaspe - March 7th 2014, 07:34 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

OKay, Guess I tried my best tonight not to pick up my blade...The urge was just soo strong, I had to?... I should've never picked it up because I cut pretty bad...I don't even know what the fuck caused it...I seriously don't. I was doing good today and laughing I even got up outta bed and did something..but then as I was in the bath relaxing, I just lost it and well you know the rest...Why? Why after I've had a pretty good day..everything goes to shit because the urge comes..I don't get it..am I addicted or something?
I haven't been suicidal real bad lately...I've just been really depressed and I don't I can't even explain on how I'm feeling, and unless you guys have lost 10 animals in 2 months and seen your best friend that you loved shoot himself in the head then you won't know how I'm feeling either...and I really don't think there's even a explanation for what I'm feeling....I can't be myself anymore everything its just not right...I can put my makeup on for the day..and be happy and be me for about 10 mins..then everything kicks me back in the heart...My heart is seriously being held together by band-aids and eventually those band-aids will wear off..and falll and when they do..there goes my heart...Sometimes the urge to cut is soo strong I just want to cut so deep then pain will be over...I'm screaming inside..I'm screaming and begging for SOMEONE to release this horrible pain..becuz seriously, If someone doesn't I'm going to myself (and I'm sure you guys know what I mean)
Some people say think of the bright side, WTF there isn't no fucking bright side... How the fuck could there be a bright to this..WILL the pain even ever end??? Or will I be this tore up forever?? I just wanna be my Emo, weird, funny, dumbass, boring, stupid, bitchy, loving and caring self again...But these days all I am is, sad, depressed, bleeding or crying...or thinking of death...and seriously I can't afford to die...I have a mom to take care...animals to still take care..a family to take care of..I just can't go and off myself..but what am I left to do??suffer with this pain? Talking to people isn't helping...I haven't slept in 9 days...I'm exhausted..but I can't sleep...I'm restless...my thighs look pitiful theres nothing but cuts on them and they're soo deep and bad I can't barely look at em...I just wanna be me again..that's all I'm asking for...this didn;t use to be 4 years ago..I use to be a cute sparkley, PINK, and GREEN, bright and very girly girl...now I'm a Emo, that does nothing but wear dark colors, listens to dark music, and draw horrible things...The person I am now..this isn't me...at all.




Sorry for this being soo long, this might have fit better in Depressed and Suicide thread..But Oh Well I guess.







Waiting is a sign of true love and patience,anyone can say "I love you" But not everyone can wait and prove it's true.

Some say it's painful to wait for someone,Some say it's painful to forget someone,But the worst pain comes when you don't know whether to wait or forget.
   
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Re: Relaspe - March 7th 2014, 10:16 AM

Hey there

I have to say at least you tried your best, because that is so much better than not trying at all!

It could be that you are addicted to the self harm, because this is something that DOES happen. To identify your triggers when you're unsure what caused this, though, keep note of the times you would like to self harm by writing down the date and time you got the urge, where you were, what was happening, and how you were feeling. Then when you have enough times written down you can look for patterns or events that may be causing you the urge.

You want someone to release the pain, but you know what, sometimes you have to make the effort for things to get better. You said talking hasn't been helping you but what have you tried exactly? Have you tried someone such as a professional? A professional may have better ways to cope with some of the things you mentioned earlier, as well as help you move past them. It can be someone like a doctor or a therapist, for example.

I'm not going to say what your future holds or when things will change because I don't know that, but normally the pain doesn't last forever, and by doing anything that may end your life, you would just be denying yourself of the opportunity TO get better. Your life may seem like it's all bad events now, but there will be something good that comes along.

You can do this.


   
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Re: Relaspe - March 7th 2014, 11:17 AM

Yes I've tried a professional, but it isn't helping either. and okay thank you.







Waiting is a sign of true love and patience,anyone can say "I love you" But not everyone can wait and prove it's true.

Some say it's painful to wait for someone,Some say it's painful to forget someone,But the worst pain comes when you don't know whether to wait or forget.
   
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