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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Exclamation Urges. :( - March 9th 2014, 08:39 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

It's been a couple of days since I last cut and the urges are so bad right now. I'm trying to distract myself but I'm getting yelled at and such which is only making the urges stronger. I want to cut. I want to feel pain. I want him to shut up. I can't do this. It's so hard.
   
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Re: Urges. :( - March 9th 2014, 04:46 PM

Hey, there.

I'm glad you're trying to distract yourself! It's good that you know to do that. I know you posted this a few hours ago, so I hope you're hanging in there.

This page has alternatives for self-harm. There's a section for alternatives if you'd like to feel a similar sensation. You could to things like squeeze ice, or color on yourself with marker. Have you ever tried journaling? It's nice to have one to write how you're feeling! You could write what's upsetting you along with the time and date of your entries so you can identify some of your triggers. With this information, you'll be able to start working through these.

Is it possible for you to talk to the person who's yelling at you? If they're aware of your self-harm, you could mention that his actions are triggering you. If not, you could just let them know that his yelling is bothering you. I'd recommend talking to someone that you trust about this, whether through verbalization or a note so you can get the help you need.

Best of luck to you!


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Re: Urges. :( - March 9th 2014, 05:42 PM

Hey there. First of all, congrats on going a few days without cutting! That's great! But, when you have triggers living with you, it's hard to not relapse. I have a couple suggestions for you. My first one is if you ever feel the urge, you can message me. We can talk about something completely different to get your mind off of it, or we can work through it. My second suggestion is to remove yourself from the situation. Go outside, take a walk, or watch tv.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. You don't deserve any of this. Don't hesitate to talk to me about anything. And I mean anything. I hope you can feel better.
   
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Re: Urges. :( - March 9th 2014, 07:14 PM

Hey there,

Even though you are struggling I want to say that it is really great that you are at least trying so hard to resist the urge! Making it a few days is a great start.

I agree with trying to talk to the person that is yelling at you so much and let him know how you are feeling. Tell him how badly his yelling at you is affecting you and let him know you want to discuss things with him calmly, rather than get yelled at.

Maybe in the future when he starts to yell at you, you can remove yourself from the situation until things calm down more. Then when things are calmer you can return and discuss the problem in a civilized manner, rather than getting yelled at.

Cassie gave you a really great list of alternatives to self harm. Some of them give you sensations other than pain, and that can be really good for you! Try and find ways to express your emotions as well such as writing, art, or music. Exercise is also a really great way to get off stress. If one alternative doesn't work, don't be discouraged! There are plenty more out there where that came from!

I think this is something you should get support for as well. For example, speak to a teacher, guidance counselor, school nurse, doctor, therapist, coach or club adviser, family member, family friend, or other adult you trust, and they can help you cope with what is going on in a better way or even solve some of the problems.

Find ways to take care of yourself as well. Maybe take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, do a hobby, or eat your favorite goodies, for example. You deserve to pamper yourself!

You can do this.

-Dez


   
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Re: Urges. :( - March 9th 2014, 09:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Enchantment View Post
Hey, there.

I'm glad you're trying to distract yourself! It's good that you know to do that. I know you posted this a few hours ago, so I hope you're hanging in there.

This page has alternatives for self-harm. There's a section for alternatives if you'd like to feel a similar sensation. You could to things like squeeze ice, or color on yourself with marker. Have you ever tried journaling? It's nice to have one to write how you're feeling! You could write what's upsetting you along with the time and date of your entries so you can identify some of your triggers. With this information, you'll be able to start working through these.

Is it possible for you to talk to the person who's yelling at you? If they're aware of your self-harm, you could mention that his actions are triggering you. If not, you could just let them know that his yelling is bothering you. I'd recommend talking to someone that you trust about this, whether through verbalization or a note so you can get the help you need.

Best of luck to you!
Hello
I know how to kinda distract myself, I mean I try my best to try to fight the urges but sometimes they get so bad that it's almost like it's impossible.
I tend to try to shower or hold ice, or snap an elastic band when I get urges which sometimes help but sometimes that only triggers me more. Thank you for the link I do have a journal but I'm bad in the sense of actually writing in it. I always end up re reading what i've written which makes the urges worse. I can't talk about it because it's my dad...He's usually okay except when he gets into one of his moods and if I confront him or ask him to stop I only get myself into worse trouble.


Quote:
Originally Posted by BeautifullyBroken View Post
Hey there. First of all, congrats on going a few days without cutting! That's great! But, when you have triggers living with you, it's hard to not relapse. I have a couple suggestions for you. My first one is if you ever feel the urge, you can message me. We can talk about something completely different to get your mind off of it, or we can work through it. My second suggestion is to remove yourself from the situation. Go outside, take a walk, or watch tv.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. You don't deserve any of this. Don't hesitate to talk to me about anything. And I mean anything. I hope you can feel better.
Thank you It's hard but I'm trying..sometimes the triggers get so bad that it's really hard not to give in. Thank you I will take you up on that offer
I try to remove myself, like going outside and swimming or going for a walk i if it's possible but half the time when he gets into one of his moods it's beyond late and the alarm is set so I can't go outside. I try to listen to music or go online but it doesn't always help. It;s hard to believe that I don't deserve it when I think I do..
Thank you



Quote:
Originally Posted by Terabithia. View Post
Hey there,

Even though you are struggling I want to say that it is really great that you are at least trying so hard to resist the urge! Making it a few days is a great start.

I agree with trying to talk to the person that is yelling at you so much and let him know how you are feeling. Tell him how badly his yelling at you is affecting you and let him know you want to discuss things with him calmly, rather than get yelled at.

Maybe in the future when he starts to yell at you, you can remove yourself from the situation until things calm down more. Then when things are calmer you can return and discuss the problem in a civilized manner, rather than getting yelled at.

Cassie gave you a really great list of alternatives to self harm. Some of them give you sensations other than pain, and that can be really good for you! Try and find ways to express your emotions as well such as writing, art, or music. Exercise is also a really great way to get off stress. If one alternative doesn't work, don't be discouraged! There are plenty more out there where that came from!

I think this is something you should get support for as well. For example, speak to a teacher, guidance counselor, school nurse, doctor, therapist, coach or club adviser, family member, family friend, or other adult you trust, and they can help you cope with what is going on in a better way or even solve some of the problems.

Find ways to take care of yourself as well. Maybe take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, do a hobby, or eat your favorite goodies, for example. You deserve to pamper yourself!

You can do this.

-Dez
Hello
I know that cutting doesn't help, even though I sure as heck feel better after. I mean, I know it's not good...but yeah. I do try to fight the urges but sometimes it's really hard.

I can't talk to him about it because when I do things always escalate and the end result isn't good. He's usually okay..unless he gets into one of his moods. When he's in his mood anything can get him upset, me having my door closed, music playing outloud, my lights on etc. Really dumb stuff, and when he starts yelling I have to wait for him to stop, or it gets worse.

I do try to use alternatives which do help sometimes, but maybe having the list will give me different options if the ones I usually use aren't helping.

I can't tell anyone because that would ruin the image of the perfect little family which they work so hard to maintain. Plus no one would believe me since my life is "perfect and I have no right to make up such lies." or "You have no right to complain over getting yelled at, You get anything you want, stop acting so spoiled."

THank you
   
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Re: Urges. :( - March 9th 2014, 11:01 PM

I understand what you mean with rereading what you've written and becoming increasingly frustrated. Have you considered destroying the paper after you write? You could crumple it up, rip it, or color all over it to help get your emotions out. Listening to loud music when you're angry or uplifting music to make you smile might help! This thread has some good songs to listen to that may be useful for you.

If you can't talk to your dad, is there someone else that you can talk to about what's going on? I just want to point out that your life is so much more important than an image that is conveyed. You deserve to get the help that you need and you deserve to be happy.

Send me a PM/VM anytime you'd like.


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she whispered back
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Re: Urges. :( - March 9th 2014, 11:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Enchantment View Post
I understand what you mean with rereading what you've written and becoming increasingly frustrated. Have you considered destroying the paper after you write? You could crumple it up, rip it, or color all over it to help get your emotions out. Listening to loud music when you're angry or uplifting music to make you smile might help! This thread has some good songs to listen to that may be useful for you.

If you can't talk to your dad, is there someone else that you can talk to about what's going on? I just want to point out that your life is so much more important than an image that is conveyed. You deserve to get the help that you need and you deserve to be happy.

Send me a PM/VM anytime you'd like.
I'll have to try destroying the papers, maybe that will help because at the moment I have a note book with writing which always ends up triggering me more.
OOHH more music I am gonna check that link out because one can never have too much music
I've tried talking to relatives and a family friend and they just tell me I have no right to complain, and that my life is perfect.
Thank you that means a lot
   
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Re: Urges. :( - March 9th 2014, 11:20 PM

I think that the people who say that are so wrong. No matter what your life is like, EVERYONE has the right to vent, and who is to say one person's problems are worse than another's? If they're important to you, they're important, simple as that.

Is there anyone outside of the family that you feel as if you would be able to speak to about this? Maybe someone else will take you more seriously.


   
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Re: Urges. :( - March 10th 2014, 03:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Terabithia. View Post
I think that the people who say that are so wrong. No matter what your life is like, EVERYONE has the right to vent, and who is to say one person's problems are worse than another's? If they're important to you, they're important, simple as that.

Is there anyone outside of the family that you feel as if you would be able to speak to about this? Maybe someone else will take you more seriously.
Yeah, I believe that but people here are quite judgemental and if you appear to have a perfect life then you have no right to complain. :/

Not really, people I could talk to won't believe me as my father is amazing in their eyes and they don't believe he could be less then perfect...
   
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Re: Urges. :( - March 10th 2014, 03:58 AM

As Dez said, everyone has the right to vent! And we'll always be here if you want to vent to support you.

I can promise you that there is someone out there who will listen to you. Keep trying to reach out to someone, because looks are deceiving and someone will see through what other people don't. Keep hanging in there, because you're worth it.


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Re: Urges. :( - March 10th 2014, 03:59 AM

Hey there,

Something that helps me when I am having urges is reminding myself that they will pass. While the urges can be really strong at times they ALWAYS pass. I think you have been given some great tools to use for distraction and I hope that helps. I know when I am struggling I will turn on some music and just drift away. If you really like music try looking at the list Cassie gave you and see if some of the songs listed there help you in some way. The distractions are there to help you make it through the urges. That doesn't, necessarily, mean the urges are going to go away completely but you are going to have tools to help you keep your mind off the urges until they are not so strong.

Best of luck.


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Re: Urges. :( - March 10th 2014, 04:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by .:BreakingBeautifully:. View Post
Hey there,

Something that helps me when I am having urges is reminding myself that they will pass. While the urges can be really strong at times they ALWAYS pass. I think you have been given some great tools to use for distraction and I hope that helps. I know when I am struggling I will turn on some music and just drift away. If you really like music try looking at the list Cassie gave you and see if some of the songs listed there help you in some way. The distractions are there to help you make it through the urges. That doesn't, necessarily, mean the urges are going to go away completely but you are going to have tools to help you keep your mind off the urges until they are not so strong.

Best of luck.
I'm working on buying a bunch of songs from the list Cassie gave me on itunes right now because music can normally help drown out the noises and help to distract me.
I try to remind myself that they will pass but there's always the doubt that I will be able to fight them. that probably doesn't make a lot of sense but yeah. I don't know.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Idyllic. View Post
As Dez said, everyone has the right to vent! And we'll always be here if you want to vent to support you.

I can promise you that there is someone out there who will listen to you. Keep trying to reach out to someone, because looks are deceiving and someone will see through what other people don't. Keep hanging in there, because you're worth it.
Thank you
I'm trying to hang in here because I want to prove him I mean them wrong.
I know looks are decieving but in the end there's no real point in trying to tell any one because no one will believe me and it won't change anything.
   
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Re: Urges. :( - March 10th 2014, 02:35 PM

On that list, on one of the last pages, there's a really pretty song called, "I Believe" by Christina Perri. If you can, try and purchase that one. It's beautiful.

I understand the doubt to be able to fight the urges, but you can do it! They can be really hard sometimes but when you find distractions that work well for you it's even easier. With each urge you get through, you get a little bit stronger. As time moves forward, the intensity of urges will sometimes lessen.

If it makes you feel better, I believe you. I know that other members here on TH believe you, too. We're one big family on here. <3


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Re: Urges. :( - March 11th 2014, 08:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by keep-on-dreaming View Post

Thank you It's hard but I'm trying..sometimes the triggers get so bad that it's really hard not to give in. Thank you I will take you up on that offer
I try to remove myself, like going outside and swimming or going for a walk i if it's possible but half the time when he gets into one of his moods it's beyond late and the alarm is set so I can't go outside. I try to listen to music or go online but it doesn't always help. It;s hard to believe that I don't deserve it when I think I do..
Thank you
Hi. I'm happy you'll take me up on that offer. I'm just happy you will talk to me and try not to.

I think it's good you're trying to remove yourself from the situation, even though it might not always work. I'm happy you're making an effort, trying to get better. Music is a great way to cope. Now, OF COURSE YOU DESERVE TO GET BETTER!! I mean,I think that's what you meant.

Remember: always talk before you bleed. It's really stupid, I know, but it's a good way to remember.. Maybe. Haha! Hugs -->
   
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