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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I need someone... - April 22nd 2014, 01:43 AM

All alone in a crowded room... I feel that everything is slipping from me... My family is on the edge... I dont have friends anymore it seems like... My girlfriend is slipping through my fingers... so much is just disappearing.. My mom and stepdad looks at me in disgust as if i wasnt good enough for them. My stepdad is a Christian evangelist and both my mom and stepdad plays in a southern gospel band. And i lay here an Atheist in a Post Hardcore/ Metalcore band. My "dad" (my biological father abandoned me and died. My "dad" is just my first stepdad) makes it seem like i can never meet his expectations of me.. Every visit is just constant screaming and fighting and ends up with me sleeping at a friends house.. And dont get me started on school... Axl Rose had it right when he said "Youre in the Jungle baby... Youre going to die" (if the song was about school... but it isnt... just an example haha) But anyway.. Every look i get consists of dead looks and cold eyes as if they were saying that they are better than you... I just feel that self harm is the way to break tension from my life and helps... So many scars show the times where i wanted help but could reach out to save myself... I need someone
   
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Re: I need someone... - April 22nd 2014, 01:54 AM

Hey there,

I am so sorry to hear about everything that you are going through right now. You really don't deserve to go through all of this alone.

As far as your girlfriend, do you think that you could speak to her about what you feel the problems are? Maybe the two of you can repair the relationship, but that involves open communication and honesty.

Do you HAVE to visit your stepdad still, if he isn't biological? If you think that it would be beneficial, would there be any way you could stop visiting him, because you really don't deserve to go through something such as a screaming match.

I know that you said school is a problem for you, so do you think that you can make friends outside of school instead? For example, if there is a club or social group around your town, you can do that. Or sometimes my school offers a program where you can meet other people outside of your own school. Normally my program makes us sit with people we don't know, so you'd be meeting new people who maybe you'd have a better chance with. This program is for my state, but maybe you have something similar?

Remember that you are great just being who you are though. You have the right to like the music you like, believe in what you believe in, and do what YOU want to in life. For a second, forget their expectations. What do YOU want to do in your life to make YOURSELF happy? Do what you want to do in life, because while you can't please everyone, you should do what you can to be happy. Follow the goals YOU want.

This is a link called "Who can help me?" I know that from what you mentioned, not every person on this list may apply to you, but if there is anyone at all there you can talk to, I'd suggest trying, even if it is just by a letter.

Remember we're all here for you on TeenHelp, too! I'm sure that if you wanted to message someone here they would be more than willing to help.

This is a link to a list of alternatives to self harm. Remember that self harm really isn't a healthy way to cope. The problems come back because you aren't solving them, and you also have to worry about infection or people you don't want to know finding out. Perhaps you can find ways to express your emotions like writing, art, or music?

You can get through this! It won't be bad forever.

-Dez


   
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Re: I need someone... - April 22nd 2014, 10:49 PM

Thanks for the reply. It means a lot. But to answer a few questions, No i do not have to see him. But I couldn't live with myself if I didnt. He has put up with me all my life except for 2 years (and the times where he was in jail). And my school doesnt offer any program like that. They do offer professional counseling ( beyond school counseling) but it requires a parent signature and such which my mom (the only technical "legal guardian" i have) wont allow me to do so. She focuses on herself too much and cares too much on her outlook for me to do that.. Itll make her "look bad" but about finding a different way out, I have music. But Im the lyricist for my band, Kingdom Of Thrones. How can i write lyrics to help and connect people if i cant even help myself? I just feel so confused with life.
   
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Re: I need someone... - April 23rd 2014, 11:57 AM

Hey there,

When you meet with your stepdad, is it possible for you to avoid topics on which you both have a different opinion? You can sit down with him when you are both calm and tell him that you are tired of the screaming matches between the two of you and would like to just spend some quality time together. Let him know that he means a lot to you and that you want to continue spending time with him but all the fighting has been causing you a lot of distress. You can chalk out a plan with him beforehand that alright these are the topics which we can't discuss without fighting, so lets just not talk about them this once and do something that we'll enjoy. If anything like this comes up, take a deep breath, a step back and request him to drop the subject.

As for the counselling, can you get the signatures of your stepdad if he agrees? Or if you have any godparents. You can talk to a trusted teacher, let her know about the problem and ask her if there is anyone else in your family whose signatures can work. Let the teacher know that you have been going through a lot of problems and would like to get some help. You can also talk to the counsellor directly and ask them if there is anything that they can do in this situation.

As for helping others with your lyrics, well, do you know that most of the people on Staff have big problems of their own and have trouble helping themselves at times and are still doing their best to help others? You have reached out for help, there are people who can guide you on how to proceed from here. I think that if you didn't have problems of your own, you won't be able to connect with others and help them. I feel that the best music is written by people who have faced problems in life. Problems make us grow as persons and teach us a lot. Sure they cause us a lot of distress, but at the end of the day, we end up learning a lot from them that most people don't know about. It helps us a lot in connecting others who've been through various kinds of problems. We are able to understand the mental pain that they have been through. It is really great that you want to help others!

I hope that this helps!

Feel free to PM/VM me if you'd like to chat.



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
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